Truth is stranger than…well, truth is just strange.

•December 17, 2014 • 19 Comments
We're not the first. We won't be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.

We’re not the first. We won’t be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.

I’m packing up all of my things and unplugging my high-speed internet.

Yup. The Big Move is happening this week.

Phil, Scrappy and me are driving across the county to our new home.

In my Prius.

This is going to kill my gas mileage.

This is going to kill my gas mileage.

Given the winter weather, we figure we should get there by Easter before New Year’s Eve.

I’ll let you know.

So I thought I’d close out 2014 with a few humding-a-lingers in the “News You Can Use” department.

If you find yourself at a party with nothing to talk about, pull out one of these stories and impress bamboozle the crowd.

You’re welcome.

Cremated Remains Found in Goodwill Donation. LaFayette, Indiana, 12/16/14. (UPI). I love shopping at Goodwill. I even donate lots of stuff there. But I sure don’t want to end up there after I’m gone (and by “gone,” I mean “dead” not just out for a walk or something). Show my cremains some respect. Put me in your yard sale. That’s so much more personal. At least you’ll know who cared enough to take me at a price they haggled you down for.

I'll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?

I’ll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?

Feline Cat Burglar Waddles Away From Fish Store $1,000 Fatter. Vladivostok, Russia 12/15/14. (UPI). The Ruskie cat, which Vladivostok International Airport workers said has often been spotted around the facility, was discovered inside the display window of the airport’s fish store and was filmed making a meal of squid, flounder and dry fish. No guppies for this purloining puddy-cat.

Man Brings Down the Roof During Marriage Proposal. Amsterdam. (Associated Press). It’s not every day that you see a grand gesture of romantic love. Good thing, too. Romeo hired a crane to lower himself down to his girlfriend’s bedroom window so he could scare the crap out of her surprise her with a proposal of marriage. The proposal ended up being more destructive and constructive. The crane tipped and smashed into the roof of the building. He jumped to safety and she said “yes” while the crane righted itself, only to tip again and destroy another roof. The final tally was:

Six apartments evacuated.
Five police a-calling.
Four dogs skedaddling.
Three insurance guys a-smiling.
Two lovers leaping.
And a partridge in a pear tree (safe from the rubble).

It's only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.

It’s only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.

Police Office Udderly Panic Stricken, Called for Back Up. 12/10/14 Scotland. (UPI). A Scottish police officer was sent to a farm to pick up a young hooligan. He started to panic when he saw a barn-full of loose cows on the farm, because you never know what those cows are thinking. They have a gang mentality. It’s true. Look it up. Or don’t. Anyway. The officer got all kerfuddled. It’s hard to make an arrest when you are too afraid to leave your car. He had to call for back up, explaining that he had bovinophobia. When the family asked the other officer (who wasn’t cursed with the fear of cows) what was happening, he said, “Officer McTurk doesn’t like cows.” The kid they came to arrest said, “Well I don’t like the police.” He probably has nomophobia (fear of the law). You think I made that word up, right? I didn’t.

You think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? And you think cows are stupid! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Lost Sheep Wearing Christmas Sweater Finally Found. Omaha, Nebraska. 12/10/14. (UPI). The lengths some sheep will go to to win the Ugly Holiday Sweater Contest! It would have been nice with this little lamb would have told her mom she was going off the farm to enter the contest in the big city. Kids these days! Whatcha gonna do?

I've been a very baaaad girl.

I’ve been a very baaaad girl.

Have a safe and splendid holiday.
See you in the new year when I’m an official West Coast Gal!

marilyn kissing

 

 

Spreading Peace and Harmony

•December 10, 2014 • 29 Comments
When I'm singing about peace on earth, that's how I reach the high notes.

When I’m singing about peace on earth, that’s how I reach the high notes.

You know me.

I’m all about peace and harmony.

And a few laughs sprinkled in to keep it light.

Quite impressive, eh?

Quite impressive, eh?

Maybe that’s why Coach Muller (from his blog, Good Time Stories), included me as one of his recipients of the Peace and Harmony Award that was recently bestowed upon him. Thanks, Coach! Your blog is a constant source of inspiration packaged in bite-sized tid-bits.

To quote from his blog, which quotes from the award’s creator:

This award was created by the “Idealistic Rebel” who says, “I created this new award to celebrate all those who promote Harmony & Peace, and who add Love & Beauty to the world through their Blogs and through their lives. Their Positivity makes the world a better place for all of us.”

As with any blog award, there are rules.

  1. Give this award to seven bloggers who have added Harmony & Peace, Love & Beauty and Positivity to the world you live in. (Read on)
  2. Let them know that you nominated them. (As we speak…)
  3. Acknowledge the blogger from whom you received this award (Done)
  4. Display your award on your blog, because you have earned it! (Heck yeah, on my “Aw Shucks” Page)
  5. Continue to live in Harmony & Peace (How could I not?)

Inside the Mind of Isadora: Izzy is a precious person who spreads love and light with every post.

Laurie Jackson’s Blog: Laurie is a fine story-teller who always finds a way to look on the bright side of life. She’s an inspiration!

The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap: Paulette is not only a top-notch writer, she is a humanitarian and angel on earth. All of the proceeds of both of her wildly successful books go to help end the suffering of our four-legged companions.

Soul Dipper: Amy is a blogger who nurtures our hearts and souls with her wise and thoughtful posts.

Hope the Happy Hugger: Hope’s blog is filled with beautiful photos, essays, and treasures to nurture your soul.

I was sure that double Ensure with a protein bar chaser would last longer than the beach volley ball semi-finals.  All that female hugging, butt slapping and general overly-toned enthusiasm is wearing me out.

I was sure that that double Ensure with a protein bar chaser would last longer than it did. I’m pooped from all this award-giving. Five awards will have to do. I’m a rule-bender anyway. I look like a rebel, don’t I? A tired one, but a rebel nonetheless.

So now I’ll just leave you with this amazing video. Maybe it will inspire you to sing or to find a little peace and harmony in your life today. I hope so!

The Big Tease

•December 5, 2014 • 35 Comments

 

No, no, no. I don't mean that kind of tease.

No, no, no. I don’t mean that kind of tease.

Don’t you just love hate it when supposedly helpful and informative magazines tease you with ads that look like articles?

And doesn’t it make you laugh madder when those tricky marketizing hooliganians lure you with the promise of information you really need but they won’t deliver unless you pay up?

I recently saw one of these ad/articles.

You can't read all the fine print, which is okay. It'll just scare you. Plus, I'm going to tell you about some of it, anyway.

You can’t read all the fine print, which is okay. It’ll just scare you. Plus, I’m going to tell you about some of it, anyway.

This is kind of important info, right? Especially for people who have fewer years ahead of them than behind them. Like me. And maybe you.

Well, don’t panic. You can either buy the answers for $9.99 plus $3.00 shipping and handling for a publication called “What Every Senior Should Know: 1,267 Secrets to Living Well on a Fixed Income.” That’s an odd number of secrets, don’t you think?

Or you could rely on me to help reveal an even number of secrets posed in this Scare-Senior-Citizens-Straight-Into-A-Financial-Stroke ad.

Would I lead you astray?

I have a face you can trust, right?

I thought you’d trust me. When have I ever steered you wrong?

1. Who should you NEVER name as Beneficiary? Duh, yourself.

2. Boost Social Security check with little-known rule. Work until you’re 80. If you’re a pilot, maybe stop flying at 75 and become an air traffic controller until you’re 80.

3. Want to stay in your home for the rest of your life? How to age in place. Requires multiple locks on all doors and windows, a rocking chair, and a loaded shotgun.

4. Lower your thermostat and still stay warm at night. Only works for Seniors living close to the Equator.

5. Easy way to save $8,000 a year. Don’t spend $8,000 a year.

6. When are groceries the cheapest? Learn industry sales cycles. Groceries are the cheapest when they’ve reached their expiration date. If you’re a risk-taker, go for it! As for industry sales cycles, do you really think you need to spend your money on a new bicycle or motorcycle, sale or no? Take the bus, it’s safer.

7. Unless you put this one thing in your medical file, you could spend tens of thousands of dollars needlessly. A DNR (do not resuscitate order).

8. Have a carefree retirement by outsmarting manufacturers, minimizing taxes, and staying independent with money-saving resources. Requires watching every episode of “The Sopranos.”

9. Free legal help if you’re over 60 and income level doesn’t matter. Residence does matter, however. Must be a guest of the federal or state prison system.

10. Secret retirement filled with shows, concerts, sporting events, the ballet, even meals–without spending a dime. Well, someone is spending much more than a dime and you now report to a pimp nightly events planner. Must be flexible in more ways than one.

All of the highlighted “secrets” came, verbatim, from the ad. All of the answers came from me…free of charge.

Just remember, you get what you pay for.

Just remember, you get what you pay for.

I hope this helped you as you plan your retirement.

If you’re still young, it’s never too early to think about your twilight years. Or just share these tips with your parents or grandparents.

I’m sure they will thank you.

Or not.

Or not.

How do you feel about these ads that pose as articles? Are they good marketing strategies or annoying teasers?

Readum N. And Weap, Inc. Ain’t Been Sittin’ On Our Hands

•November 26, 2014 • 28 Comments
We don't use the whatcha call typical tools of the marketing trade, but we get er done.

We been poundin’ the pavevent for our favorite client. Making quite a mess, too.

Just when you think you seen enough of us, and you can sit and have a proper Thanksgiving holiday or just a regular day, here we are to tell ya’ll about our shenanihappeninigin’s.

Just so’s you knows. We’re the fellas Lorna hired so she don’t have to hawk her book to ya’ll.

She’s the artistic temper mental type.

I need my creative space. And feathery hats. And poofy skirts. Is that too much to ask? Why must people label me as "high maintenance?"

I need my creative space. And feathery hats. And poofy skirts. Is that too much to ask? Why must people label me as “an artist?”

So we been beatin’ the bush like drunk driver that runs into a bush, only slower, for her…and the bush.

This beauty is great for beatin' the bushes. Other stuff, too.

This beauty is great for beatin’ the bushes. Other stuff, too.

Here’s what we come up with.

Isadora, over at Inside the Mind of Isadora, (spoiler–she tells you what’s inside her mind), did a really interestin’ interview with our favorite writer/blogger (um, that would be Lorna). Check it out. Say you got somethin’ real important to read so’s you don’t have to help with settin’ the table or doin’ the dishes. Works for us every time.

Diana Douglas, a whatcha call it, prolifericatic romance writer, wrote a wowza review of Never Turn Back (Lorna’s novel) AND she did an interview with her, Lorna (keep up with us, ya’ll). This interview asks her questions no other interviewer has so far, which tells us either Diana has no idea what the heck she’s doin’ in the interview department or she’s one gal who thinks outside of that box people are always talkin’ about.

Arrangin’ for all these interviews ain’t easy. But that’s why she pays us the big bucks.

That's all she can afford.

We were thinkin’ of somethin’ either more green or that we could turn into venison sausage, but I guess that’s all she can afford. Maybe the little fella’s name is Buck…

Any who, you be safe if you be travelin’. Our favorite writer/blogger (Lorna, in case you forgot) is flyin’ out to Portland to spend time with her beau. Then she’s comin’ back only to get ready to drive all the way back. Heck fire! Crazy if you ask us.

We thought this might save her some money on hotel bills for her cross country trip. Whadaya think? Made it ourselfs.

We thought this might save her some money on hotel bills for her cross country trip. Whadaya think? Made it ourselfs.

But she’s ain’t askin’ us.

Good thing we got the boys from Ruff M. Up on retainer.

The boys from Ruff M. Up on retainer told us she ain’t askin’ them neither.

Well, Happy Thanksgiving or
Happy Whatever Day You Wanna Celebrate While Americans Are Stuffin’ Their Bellies!
While you’re layin’ down, pick up a good book.
Never Turn Back is as good as any!

 

Remember, stretchy pants aren't just for yoga and athletes. Wear 'em during your holiday meal. Your belly will thank you kindly.

Remember, stretchy pants aren’t just for yoga and athletes. Wear ‘em during your holiday meal. Your belly will thank you kindly.

Have I Come Down With Hallucinationism?

•November 24, 2014 • 25 Comments

 

invisible fence

Do you see the invisible fences, too?

We’ve established I’m psychic.

I just want to be sure I don’t have a case of hallucinationism as well.

(Just so you know, I took this picture.)

 
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