Tongue Twisters With Lorna: The Challenge Edition!

•March 24, 2015 • 44 Comments
Myrna takes to bed with a "sick headache" and her alarm clock, knowing the end is near. She waits. It's only a matter of time. But, then again, the reason she has a headache is because she just learned that time isn't real. Myrna beats her alarm clock to death, fully realizing the irony that she just killed time.

Myrna takes to bed with a “sick headache” and her alarm clock She waits. It’s only a matter of time. But, then again, the reason she has a headache is because she just learned that time isn’t real. Myrna beats her alarm clock to death, fully realizing the irony that she just killed time.

I know you’ve all been waiting.

No, not for spring to finally arrive.

Or world peace.

Or those final 5, 10, or 15 pounds to just melt off.

You’ve been waiting for me to tackle the tongue twisters you threw at me when I dazzled you with the ones I threw at you.

Well, the wait is over.

Hope you’re satisfied.

Now I’m going to have to rest for a long time.

How long?

I have no idea.

You tuckered me out, people. A dizzy blonde can only take so much excitement

You tuckered me out, people. A dizzy blonde can only take so much excitement

Vitameatavegamin

•March 20, 2015 • 34 Comments
I should look happy. I was in Bar Harbor, Maine with my Honey when I still an East Coast gal with hair.

I should look happy. I was happy. My Honey took this picture was at a Bar Harbor B & B in Maine when I was still an East Coast gal with hair.

March 20th is the International Day of Happiness.

Shouldn’t every day be a day of happiness?

Total rhetorical question. Alex always asked a lot of questions--even before he could talk.

Total rhetorical question. Alex always asked a lot of questions–even before he could talk. Sorry. Must be genetic. Like our ears.

Well, nothing makes me happier than a genuine belly laugh.

That’s not true.

A lot of things make me very happy, but laughing is a good way to get the ball rolling…not that my belly resembles a ball, or anything…

Speaking of “ball,” I recently watched an episode of the old classic “I Love Lucy” starring Lucille Ball.

Golly she was silly.

Not this silly, but pretty darned silly.

Not this silly, but pretty silly.

In this episode, she wrangled her way onto television by replacing a professional actress hired to sell a product during Ricky’s show. The product, ostensibly a health elixir called “Vitameatavegamin,” was 23% alcohol–something Lucy did not know.

If you have time (less than 20 minutes) the whole episode can be viewed on You Tube.

Just to give you a peek at what made me burst out laughing, watch this 2 minute clip.

I hope it gives you at least a chuckle with which to commemorate International Happiness Day!

Now go forth and be happy!
While you’re at it, try to make someone else happy, too!
And not just today…

I told you Bird Love is passionate--Lady and the Tramp passionate. This picture makes me happy!

I told you Bird Love is passionate–Lady and the Tramp passionate. This picture makes me happy!

Tongue Twisters with Lorna

•March 13, 2015 • 56 Comments
Whatever naughty thing you're thinking, just stop! Lorna runs a clean shop here.

Whatever naughty thing you’re thinking, just stop! Lorna runs a clean shop here.

No!

This is not something kinky I cooked up.

Sheesh. Give a dizzy blonde a break.

Just click the play button and see for yourself.

Do you have any favorite tongue twisters you’d like me to try?
I’ll video my efforts and play them for you now that I’ve figured out this movie-making thing.

On Being a Cunninglinguist

•March 12, 2015 • 26 Comments
 (This should be read with a Southern Belle accent of at all possible.) Goodness Gracious! Our delicate sensibilities are all kerfuffled by that word Miss Lorna used. Whatever can she be talking about?

(This should be read with a Southern Belle accent of at all possible.) Goodness Gracious! Our delicate sensibilities are all kerfuffled by that word Miss Lorna used. Whatever can she be talking about?

Get your minds out of the gutter and into this G-rated blog, People!

This is a post about one of my favorite past-times: word play, or being a cunning linguist.

Those of you who know me, know that I’m not afraid to construct-u-late my own words in an effort to enrich-inate our already stretchy-pants language.

Have to keep those editors of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary busy!

Okay, one more, Webster, and then we have ta git down ta business. That thar danged dictionary we just finished with needs another look-see. Words are piling up faster than yer pants are giving up the good fight, ol' buddy.

Okay, one more, Webster, and then we have ta git down ta business. That thar danged dictionary we just finished with needs another look-see. Words are expandin’ faster than that thar belly of yers, ol’ buddy.

I also like to find obscure words and make up possible definitions for them.

Try these on for size:

Is FORMICATION (a noun) 1: the art of molding clay into something resembling anything other than a glob of clay or 2: the totally freaked out feeling when you think something is crawling under your skin, but really isn’t because you are hallucinating for some gawd awful reason or 3: a common misspelling of “fornication” by either junior high school students, people on too much caffeine, or the religiously oppressed pious?

Does DOGGO (an adverb) mean an act that is: 1. hidden? 2: casual? 3: cool, hip, groovy?

What does BUTYRACEOUS (an adjective) describe? 1. Thoroughbreds? 2. Skin Color? 3. Butter?

MIZZLE (a verb) means to: 1: rain softly, but not quite drizzle. 2. cover the mouth of a creature smaller than a dog. 3. complain.

I’ll tell the correct definitions at the end.

You are going to make me wait? You simply can't be that cruel? Look at me? Do I look like I have time to wait?

You are going to make me wait? Look at me. Do I look like I have time to wait?

Okay. I’ll tell you now: 2, 1, 3, 1

And then there are puns.

Puns are fun. Especially the subtle ones.

Those sneaky little puns are the best!

Those sneaky little puns are the best!

I was listening to some people complaining about having their mufflers repaired on their respective cars. After about 5 minutes of their moaning and groaning I said, “This conversation is exhausting.” No one got it. I smiled.

Similarly, I heard two people talking about having to get their tires replaced. On and on they went about tire life, tire rotation, all-weather versus seasonal tires…Finally I chimed in with, “This is all very tiring.” Again, they ignored me. Again, I smiled.

I’ve been having email correspondence with a lawyer who is redoing my will and some other documents. He asked me to send him get him some information for my will. I responded with a quick “Will do!” not realizing my pun until I pushed the send button. I wonder if he smiled. I did.

Puns don't make you laugh; they make you smile if they're good.

Puns don’t make you laugh; they make you smile if they’re good.

Some names and professions are puns.

In my old home town, there was:

*a dentist named Dr. Spitz

* a physician named Dr. Blood

* a Funeral home called Drown Funeral Home

Here are some punny business names I got from dumb.com: (notice the highbrow sites I select for my research)

  • Surelock Homes – Burglar alarms, in San Jose, California
  • Indiana Bones Temple of Groom – Doggie day care & boutique in Thousand Oaks, California
  • Cyclo Analysts – Bicycle shop in Oxford, United Kingdom
  • Lawn and Order – Landscaping in Charlotte, North Carolina
  • Carl’s Pane In The Glass – Screen and window repair in Garland, Texas
  • Best Little Hair House in Denver – Beauty salon in Denver, Colorado
  • Junk & Disorderly – Second hand store in Auckland, New Zealand
  • Tree Wise Men – Tree maintenance in Ridgefield, Washington
  • Cane & Able – Mobility store for seniors and the disabled in Hitchin, United Kingdom
  • The Greatful Head – Barber shop in San Francisco, California

Aren’t these fun?

Golly, I think Lorna's Voice is just about the funnest blog around.

Golly, I think when Lorna  plays with words shes a real fun cunninglinguist. Oops! Did I say a bad word? I don’t think so! 

Now it’s your turn to tell about your favorite puns, obscure words, silly business names, or cunninglinguistics of your own.

Angels, Tattoos, and Other Hinky Stuff

•March 10, 2015 • 8 Comments
I'll explain later...if I can.

This is a real tattoo. Not mine. I’ll explain later…if I can.

One thing I know for sure: expect the unexpected.

Just when you think you know someone. Poof-N-Pop! They surprise you.

Not that that’s a bad thing.

It’s just a thing thing.

Take for example my good ole blogger buddy, Diana Douglas. (When I say “take her,” I don’t mean “whisk her away.” She has enough drama in her life. She doesn’t need to be kidnapped. I just meant “use her as an example of a ‘thing thing.'” Which doesn’t sound very nice, but I mean it in the nicest of ways. You just have to trust me on this one.)

Diana has written two very successful Regency Romance novels. She’s a romantic kind of gal.

As you can see, she love birds. Bird love is, like, intense. This woman is capable of major passion.

As you can see, she love birds. Bird love is, like, intense. This woman is capable of major passion.

But her new book, The Tatooed Angel, isn’t like her other books.

I just had to have her over and talk to her about this switcheroo.

It doesn't take much to blow my mind these days.

It doesn’t take much to blow my mind these days.

Lorna: Hi Diana! You’re really blowing my mind with your new book, Girlfriend. Come on over here and let’s talk.

Diana: I’d love to Lorna. But don’t get your panties in a bundle, it’s still a romance…kind of.

Lorna: (pulling at her panties) Does my butt look bunchy? I’ve been walking over 3 miles a day and my tushy is getting firmer. It’s definitely NOT my underwear. Anyway, don’t try to distract me. I want to find out about this new book of yours. Where did the idea come from and what made you go in this romance-with-a-twist direction?

Diana: The Tattooed Angel is definitely darker than my Regency Romances. The Regencies were fun to write, but after writing two, I knew I needed to go in a different direction. I wanted complicated times, imperfect characters, super-evil villains, and circumstances where anything is possible. After careful thought, I decided that dropping a 21st century woman into 1648 England when intolerance was the norm and anyone different could be declared a witch was a good place to start. Then I added a handsome serial killer, a woman more wicked than Maleficent, a tortured hero who has a dark secret and an amulet that could change the course of history.

Lorna: Well, if your aim was to complicate things, sounds like you succeeded. I hate it when the serial killer is handsome. I get so conflicted, you know? And this daylight savings time messes with my mind. I can’t imagine how time-traveling several hundred years would mess with my biological clock!

Diana: (picking lint off sweater trying to avoid eye contact) Yeah. I know. I guess you’re glad you’re not the heroine in this book, huh?

Lorna: Shyeah! I wouldn’t do well in the 1600’s. They didn’t have Sonicare products and oral health is a big deal with me these days. But back to your book…There are lots of conflicts and twisty elements to the plot. What would you say is the main theme or driving force in this story?

Diana: You have to take risks to find out where you belong.

Lorna: That’s a great lesson. But couldn’t Angela and Nicholas have learned that without the confusing time-travel stuff? I mean, how do you even pack for time-travel?

Diana: (looking to the ceiling) I suppose this lesson could be learned in any number of ways, but this is the way the I chose to write the story. I wanted a romance that was infused with a variety of exciting, adventurous elements.

Lorna: I totally get that. As an author myself, I know how stories can go off on their own tangents.

Diana: The time-travel element was not the story going off on a tangent, Lorna.

Lorna: Whatever. Hey! That was kind of a pun! Get it? Time travel? Going off on a tangent? Good one! You’re so clever, Diana. Now, do tell: who is your target audience?

Diana: The Tattooed Angel crosses genres and will appeal to readers who enjoy historical fiction, dark romance, light fantasy and (wincing) time-travel. It would also appeal to the same viewers who watch Sleepy Hollow, and similar series. There is sexual content—though not a lot—and there is some violence. Hey, you can’t give a man a sword and a knife and not expect him to use it.

Lorna: History, mystery, fantasy, sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll–you’ve got it all!

Diana: Um…not drugs and rock and roll.

Where'd you put the knife? Not in your pants I hope? I told you never put the knife in your pants.

Where’d you put the knife? Not in your pants I hope? I told you never put the knife in your pants.

Lorna: Oh, my mistake. Sorry. I envisioned half naked men swinging things and my mind went right to aging rock stars. I have a problem focusing sometimes. Make your best pitch about why we should read this book.

Diana: This is just the beginning of three and a half centuries’ worth of adventure, history, fantasy and intrigue. You never know where Angela and Nicholas will take you next.

Lorna: You’re such a good teaser. How about teasing us some more? This story dabbles in the supernatural. Did anything supernatural happen to you while writing the book?

Diana: Nothing specifically happened while I was writing it, but I think we’ve all had moments when we knew something was about to happen before it actually happened. Time warp? String theory? Parallel universe? Who knows? I’m convinced that we don’t understand time. We can measure it, plot it, keep track of it, but that’s about it. There’s so much in life that we don’t understand, I almost never say, “That’s impossible.”

Lorna: Good! So you won’t say I’m being impossible during this interview. Whew! What do you have planned next for your readers?

Diana: I’m currently working on book two of this series. It takes place in 1649, Barbados and the tropical island is not the quite the paradise Angela hoped for.

Lorna: Well, what are you wasting time around here for? Get back to Book 2! I’m sure readers are going to want more of what you have to offer. But before you go, any parting words you’d like to leave us with?

Diana: Sure! Don’t be shy. I love hearing from my readers.

If you want to talk to Diana, go to her website.

To get a copy of her book, click here.

That rose looks pretty good for having traveled through time, eh?

That rose looks pretty good for having traveled through time, eh?

And remember: write a review for Diana.
Independent authors need to know what you think of their work and reviews help prospective buyers decide whether to take a chance on an author without a zillion books under her/his belt.

 
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