This is my 600th post. I should be celebrating with a vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free cake, but that would be sheer lunacy.
I should be celebrating with them while eating a vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free cake. (Booze makes all cakes taste divine.)

Well, jeah. The scoop is that Lorna has posted 600 honklarious posts, and she continues to remain anonymous in the world of fame and fortune. She’s a post-911 hyper-surveillance anomaly. No film at 11—why bother?
I could joke about my prolific obscurity all day, but I have more pressing issues to contend with.
The Big Butinski has been on my mind ever since I had a recent conversation with my mother.
What the heck am I talking about?
I know you’re asking because:
- I’m psychic.
- I reread this, and even I got confused.

Oh no, is she messing with our minds again? Golly, and during all this crazy weather when the forecast is making me jumpy…
The Big Butinski isn’t an incredibly pushy person; it’s a pathetically small, ubiquitous word (most commonly used as a conjunction) with the power to ruin marriages, collapse financial deals, and wreak havoc with one’s diet plans. It’s the word I cleverly highlighted in orange. It’s the word, “but.”
Here’s what you should know before you hear the conversation with my mom.
- I’m a middle child (one knocking on the door of 60 years old); this scar is going to the crematorium with me.
- I live 2,500 miles from her. She says she misses me.
- Unlike my younger sister (the baby) who rarely calls her, I call Mom at least once a week. She says she appreciates the call.
- I haven’t seen Mom in over a year.
- She’s 83, lives alone, and has her “routines.”
Okay. I called her. and here is how the conversation went (sort of):
Me: One ringie dingie. Two ringie dingies. Three ringie dingies.
Mom: (With the hesitation of someone reluctantly opening the door to encyclopedia/vacuum/computer virus salesperson) Hell…o?
Me: Hi, Mom! It’s me! How are things?
Mom: Oh. Lorna. Hi. Good. I guess.
Me: What’s the matter, Mom? Is everything all right?
Mom: Yes. Fine. I’d love to talk, but I’m in the middle of doing dishes. Can you call me back?
Me: (Pausing…making “Oh no, she just didn’t” face…recovering*) Sure. Sorry. I’ll call in an hour or so. Love you!
Mom: Make it an hour and a half, okay? Love you, too. Click.
*This is not the first time the dishes have won out over me when I’ve called her. Also, the last time I flew home, I had to wait a whole day to see my mom because she was taking a bath and had a salad to make for a family get-together my sister had planned. As I said, she has her routines.
I wasn’t upset. Indeed, I chuckled.

Laughing. Crying. It’s a fine line. You’ll understand if you’re a middle child. Or anyone who has been shunned.
Then I got to thinking: “I’d love to talk, but…” If she really meant what she said before the “but,” everything after the “but” would never have come out of her mouth. This suggested an informal linguistic rule—another cultural verbal “tic”—that now sticks in my lexiconic craw:
Beware of the Big Butinski: it negates everything in the sentence before it appears. It’s the truth after the nice little lie.
Some examples may help:
- I love the way you experiment with new ingredients, but I sure miss the way Mom made meatloaf with, you know, meat.
- You should wear your hair any way you want, but I really like your hair long.
- It’s your business, and the decision is yours, but if I were you, I’d fire your children who are clearly taking advantage of you.
- Dogs are great, but I’m more of a cat person.
- I don’t have any regrets about how I’ve raised my children, but I would do a few things differently if I could.
- I’m on a strict 1,000 calorie a day diet plan, but it’s _________(fill in the excuse), and I’ll get on track tomorrow.
- I love my job, but I can’t wait to retire.
- I’ll eat anything, but I can’t stand that tofu stuff!
- You’re a really good driver, but could you slow down just a little?
- I’d love to follow your blog, but I’m crazy busy.
Like in every aspect of the English language, there are exceptions to every rule. “Buts” don’t always negate what precede them. But, the rule holds in enough cases for you to be aware of it.
I thought that alerting you to an annoyance in our language might be fitting since my blogging career started with such a big bang 600 posts ago with a little ditty called “To be Honest With You.” It, too, dealt with a lexiconical bugaboo of mine. It was my first post, and it was Freshly Pressed. The only one that ever got that recognition. And I was so new to blogging that I thought that WordPress was just welcoming me into the fold!
Do Big Butinskis show up in your conversations?
Sep 09, 2016 @ 15:17:12
Lol!!! Hugs no matter what!
Sep 08, 2016 @ 11:55:56
Birth order does make a difference! I also attribute my striving for perfection to my middle childishness. So, it’s not all bad! 🙂
Sep 08, 2016 @ 11:50:16
I’d like to disagree with you…BUT you are right on, and not only right on, but right on with humor hiding the hurt. BUT, I won’t get into the hurt here, because my daughter has three children and she would disagree with you and say she would never give less attention to her middle child. BUT, I have the middle child over to my house often, because he gets lost between the brilliance of the first and the darn adorableness of the third. (My post tomorrow tells you a bit more about this middle child – I think you’ll applaud him). BUT you may say you’re too busy to read about the middle grandson and I don’t blame you. You should be working on your 601st blog post. Dang, congrats to you!!
Sep 07, 2016 @ 14:33:25
I was just thinking how wise you are not to post too often so that you have time to really relate to your readers. Quality over quantity at least for those who write prose.
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:35:15
So true!
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:34:40
I think it’s kind of funny. She’s quirky. So am I. Oh, what fun my son will have dealing with me!
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:32:47
Ah, yes. Moms will be moms and I kind of like her quirkiness. I better. Seems I’m headed in that direction myself!!
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:31:16
Thanks, Peter! Hugs to you. ❤
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:30:35
You’re funny!
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:30:02
Thanks, I think! Quantity/quality? 😉
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:29:29
😉
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:24:39
A No But Zone? What will the other conjunctions talk about?
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:14:42
At the rate I’m posting these days (weeks, months), it’ll take me 3 years to get to 100 more posts! 😦
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:10:22
Thanks so much! We middle children must stick together, don’t we? 🙂
Sep 07, 2016 @ 12:09:37
Buts and butts, they are everywhere!!
Sep 02, 2016 @ 11:54:13
Yes, I know all about buts. I’m trying to keep them out of my vocabulary but they can be so handy… Love to your Mom!
Sep 01, 2016 @ 07:14:12
Hahaha I can SO relate! I AM a middle child yes yes and when I call my mother ( now 82), she will often hang up on me because ” someone is calling me.” Whaaat? Yes….I call her, we start talking and then she hears call waiting! Dumps me and yes, takes the “NEW ” caller! Sigh 🙂
SO very well written, SO terrific.
Peta
Aug 31, 2016 @ 18:05:16
You are so astute, Lorna. Now I will be noticing those “buts.” I really thought you were going to write about butts. I have none. Big congrats on 600 posts. Yours are so well thought-out and a delight to read. Keep on writing, girl.
Aug 31, 2016 @ 13:36:43
A cute girl once told me I had a nice but, but that was years ago and she was no linguist.
I think “Yeah, but,” is a Jewish thing, but I’ll have to ask Perry to be sure cause us Gentiles don’t know shit about buts.
Perhaps you should consider creating a No But Zone. I’m sure it would be quite popular and thousands would flock there, zooming your blog popularity into the virtual stratosphere. I guarantee it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to read your very first post.
Aug 30, 2016 @ 05:51:35
Always beware the “but” – dangerous stuff that.
Aug 29, 2016 @ 19:15:09
And congrats on 600 !
Aug 29, 2016 @ 19:14:28
I’d make some fine art inspired by your post …but…. (sorry, couldn’t resist” Hugs to you! (and no but’s about it!)
Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:26:56
You always make me smile and there is no “But” involved and, I have to say, 600 posts is a bit impressive really, or to put it another way, amazing. Wells done you x
Aug 28, 2016 @ 12:12:40
Only 600 posts? Are you sure? You seem so prolific. And even I have spouted at least 800 (I’ll check that later and let you know).
Yes but, yes but, yes but. My father doesn’t like it, neither do I. But you can’t avoid using it. In any language. Naturally, and I pride myself on it, I tend to use the more elegant “HOWEVER” instead. Same difference.
Hugs and kisses, begging forgiveness for neglect,
U
PS You do have to make allowances for people as they get older. My own mother too, though probably for different reasons to yours, has to follow some inexplicable timetable now that it’s just her and my father. She’ll say (on the phone and at about ten to six her time): “I’ll have to go to the kitchen now.” WHAT? What’s the hurry? Those potatoes won’t run away. Well, yes, whatever.
Aug 25, 2016 @ 14:56:13
I know intellectually that adding “but” negates all that went before, but (except in this case) I still find myself doing it.
Console yourself with the thought that most people get really set in their ways, and often rather rude, as they grow older. It’s not you and probably not her – it’s hardening of the arteries.
Aug 24, 2016 @ 19:43:13
Love this phrase ‘big butinski’ Ya, the but is the ‘don’t feel bad that I can’t’ part after the lie, lol. 🙂
Aug 24, 2016 @ 19:09:38
That is nice! 🙂
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:18:43
Yup! Sometimes you don’t have to read between the lines to get at the truth, you have to read between the words!
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:15:46
I was certain this never applied to my Pethel, but I’m less certain now! 😉
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:13:02
Oh, that’s just plain cruel, C!
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:12:39
But won’t you run the risk of the old ear-shutting-down syndrome? I have my doubts because you’re such a knucklehead, but I’ll give it a try! 😉
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:10:46
Thanks for the smile! I’m glad that my silly post got you and your mom talking. Since my mom doesn’t even own a computer, I won’t have the same luck!! 😉
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:09:10
Thanks for stopping by and offering your perspective, no buts about it!! 🙂
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:08:24
It’s so nice when I disclose these things because I get to suffer with such wonderful company! 🙂
Aug 24, 2016 @ 17:07:21
You made me laugh, no buts about it!! 🙂
Aug 24, 2016 @ 13:46:04
Congrats on Post Six Hundred – that is a lot of writing!
The ‘but’ thing reminds me of ‘I don’t want to …’
Whether what follows is to interrupt you, to sound pushy, to be rude, or whatever, the golden rule is that for the truth of what they are saying just take out the ‘don’t’!
Aug 24, 2016 @ 08:12:14
I was going to write a mind-blowing comment, but I’m crazy busy right now. I had in my mind to write a children’s book once with a character called a “Yabbit”. My thought was that every kid responds to an adult directive with “Yeah, but…” Has nothing to do with your 600th post, but it came to mind while I was reading it. I think I use “but” way too much and I’m going to work on it, but maybe not right away.
Aug 23, 2016 @ 18:45:58
I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to get my mother to call me. It’s a rare occasion if any of my siblings ever get a phone call either. Her response to our requests: “I’d call but I don’t want to disturb you if you’re busy.” She’s 90 now and we’re not about to change her…but wouldn’t it be nice. 😉
Aug 23, 2016 @ 15:36:11
It makes you wonder….what would we have done without the but word being introduced into our languages. Enjoyed your post! 😍
Aug 23, 2016 @ 14:38:18
I read your post to my 88 year old mother and we both enjoyed it greatly. It stimulated a wonderful conversation about how she sees herself as a negative Nellie who forgets to ask about others. Hooey! I was able to inform her that she is one of the most postitive and un-self-absorbed people I know. Thanks for sharing your thoughts that may or may not be accurate…
Aug 23, 2016 @ 13:51:14
This is easily corrected. Always start with the negative and finish with the positive, that way everything after the “but” is all you’ll remember. For example, my wife often says, “that’s one of the stupidest things you’ve ever done, which is really saying something, but I love you honey!” See my point?
Aug 23, 2016 @ 12:53:18
Too funny but…
Aug 23, 2016 @ 12:43:12
Fredna: Oh how familiar those buts are. Show up in my conversations? Moi… hmmmm, I would love to answer that but I hear the dog about ready to bark and need to figure out what I’m going to do about it. 😉 xoxox Pethel