The news just keeps getting newsier
bad news is my hobby passion obsession life.
Bad news, which is about the only kind that’s out there, makes me sick.
I get stressed, which makes my immune system kersplode, which results in wonky symptoms no one can diagnose but are really irritating and often itchy.
But sometimes a news story flies in my face and I just have to share it with you. I consider it my civical duty.
If information is power, then trippy-dippy-what-the-flippy news is an effective antidote for all that powerful awful information zip lining across the airwaves, scaring the gee-willickers out of you.
What do you get for the prostitute who has everything…except the money you owe her?
Enough with the fear mongering! Just asking the question suggests something nefarious. I feel docu-drama in the making: The Big Short Circuit.
Remember the good old days when toddlers having tantrums, biting unsuspecting relatives and not repeating the “bad words” adult sometimes said when they were angry about being bitten during a tantrum were the big worries parents had?
Sometimes the figurative and the literal are literally the same thing. I know. It’s confusing!
The Pacific Northwest is still the West. Don’t be fixin’ to break the law in these parts. You might find yourself on the business end of a…well…um…you’ll know what those rodeo calves feel like. Feel the rope burn and learn!
This is one of the more heinous news stories. Brace yourselves. It’s shocking and, frankly, unthinkable. But, better latte than never…
Finally, Phil will believe me when I say that I did not take his hammer and thing-a-ma-gig and forgot to put them back in their proper place.
Barriers are being broken. So are windows and possibly a few front teeth.
And you thought Uber was clever…
Why do exercise mavens want to improve yoga? Isn’t it stimulaxing, contorifying, and fartbarrassing enough?
A new recruiting tool or an elaborate escape plan gone terribly wrong?
I’ll keep scanning the paper and let you know about what’s happening in my neck of the woods.
You do the same, ya hear?
~ by Lorna's Voice on August 2, 2016.
Posted in A Day In My Life, Humor, Observations, Portlandia
Tags: AC/DC, bad news makes me sick, better latte than never, blind baseball, funny news stories, handgun shooting, itchy, lasso arrest, monkey-related news, pooper uber, religious zip lining, Starbucks lawsuit, tools, wild west, wine and yoga, yoga drinking