Tiny Houses Make My Head Hurt

Brexit, domestic terrorism, regular terrorism, the brouhaha at Starbucks over secret formulas for colorful coffee drinks, and now this? Tiny houses? I'm glad i'll be dead soon. I will be dead too, right?

Brexit, domestic terrorism, regular terrorism, the brouhaha at Starbucks over secret formulas for colorful coffee drinks, and now this? Tiny houses? I’m glad I’ll be dead soon. I will be dead soon, right? Will my casket be at least as big as one of those tiny houses?

I’ve been thinking too much again.

This time, it’s about tiny houses.

They used to be called huts, shacks, cabins, campers, refrigerator boxes, or forts. But for marketing purposes and to get people to watch reality TV shows about people making critical life choices, these diminutive digs are now called tiny houses.

How many MPGs does your house get?

How many MPGs does your house get?

Like miniature booze bottles or ponies, these wee residences sound cute, right?

Downsizing in today’s unstable economy seems wise. Being able to hook up your home to your truck or Smart Car and haul it to a less hostile climate (political, geographical, or social) would be advantageous. And leaving a smaller footprint (or cinderblock print) on Mother Earth is always a good thing, right?

Sure, yeah, right…if we were living anywhere other than in America–land of the free and home of the bigger-is-better credo.

Need I say more?

Need I say more?

And this is why tiny houses make my head hurt. My counterintuition intuition is all kinds of confused. Plus, I bet more than a few tiny homeowners (that is to say the homes are tiny, not necessarily the owners) hit their heads while navigating in and out of their tiny homes.

So heads are hurting, People. Good thing I’m here to end the suffering.

And you thought this was the neighborhood children's playhouse.

And you thought this was the neighborhood children’s playhouse.

I first became aware of the Tiny Houses Craze (THC)–not to be confused with the inebriating substance in marijuana about which I swear I know nothing–while trapped in a hotel room with cable TV. I saw an episode of Tiny House Hunters (again, the houses were tiny; the hunters were medium-to-large sized). Like a sexy blonde sloppy drunk slurring her heart out into the Karaoke mic to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” (any similarities to myself during a particularly difficult period in my youth is purely coincidental), I had to keep watching the show.

Hey, it could happen to anyone.

Hey, it could happen to anyone.

A very thin man (a farmer), his plump wife (stay-at-home mother and entrepreneur who needed a home office), their 3 children (all under the age of 5) and a 60-pound dog who looked like he shed a lot were looking for a place to live other than the basement of the husband’s parent’s house.

Are you getting the picture? Good.

At the beginning of the show, the realtor (who may also have had a self-storage business on the side), asked the couple about their “wish list” and goals. I’m working from my fallible memory here, but here’s what I think they said they needed in their new home:

  • independence from parents/in-laws
  • a separate bedroom for them (because 3 children might not be enough of a family for a farmer and part-time party-planner to support)
  • an open-concept floor plan (yes, they wanted that wide open, spacious feel for entertaining guests and keeping an eye on the kids because there are so many places to hide in these embryonic structures.
  • nothing bigger than 600 square feet because his truck couldn’t haul anything bigger and they wanted to take their home on vacations when they went on the mythical vacations they imagined as a happy family of 5+ living in 600 square feet that followed them on their vacation.
  • space for a home office
Is the person and dog in this picture: a. jumping for tiny house joy b. stretching after tiny house confinement c. attempting tiny house escape. d. experiencing brief psychotic episode.

Is the person and dog in this picture:
a. jumping for tiny house joy?
b. stretching after tiny house confinement?
c. attempting tiny house escape?
d. experiencing a brief, tiny psychotic episode?

At the first commercial break, I wondered if this was a comedy spoof of House Hunters. When the show resumed and the couple began “touring” 3 tiny houses of varying sizes and styles, I knew someone wasn’t kidding.

Stay tuned for my next installment when I answer the questions:

  • Will Farmer Skinny and Mrs. Plump find a tiny bit of happiness or a decent marriage counselor for their tiny domestic issues?
  • Is it possible for a tiny house to be too big?
  • What is behind these all these tiny houses (besides very large, insulated, tricked-out, multi-room garages)?
  • Where the heck have I been all summer?
Just spent some time at the Oregon coast with my guys (Phil and Fozzie).

Hint: I just spent some time at the Oregon coast with my guys (Phil and Fozzie). 

And, hey, People, it’s kind of nice to be back! I hope you still remember me.

Who? What? Lorna's resurfaced? Well, I suppose otter things have happened in recent memory. What's the otterest thing that's happened to you lately?

Who? What? Lorna’s resurfaced? Well, I suppose otter things have happened in recent memory. What’s the otterest thing in your world these days?

 

 

~ by Lorna's Voice on July 12, 2016.

48 Responses to “Tiny Houses Make My Head Hurt”

  1. True. 🙂

  2. I think that they’re that way for free, Lorna. Like you said, you couldn’t make this stuff up.

  3. I know! I wonder if these people are paid to be ridiculous or if they are that way for free?!

  4. Right after I read this and commented, I saw the exact same show, Lorna. Your words were ringing in my ears about all the windows that plump housewife would have to clean if she chose that larger tiny house. I couldn’t believe that they chose that teensy, tiny house!

  5. Thanks, Gayle. I try to have fun!

  6. I hear ya!

  7. I wouldn’t want to live there by myself, let alone with a husband, three kids, and a dog. More than my head hurts!

  8. I watch that show on occasion and it seems that the people always choose the smallest, most cramped, no-where-to-put-anything-tiny-house! My clothing alone would fill a tiny house. But I’ve seen some rather spacious ones that I do think are cute though. Now to go read Part 2 of your THC article. I always enjoy your fun humor, Lorna!

  9. Good one! 🙂

  10. Lol! Yes and then one more tiny house for books, then another, and another…eventually it would be “literally” ridiculous! 🙂

  11. Be careful what you wish for, Peter! 😉

  12. […] with me, Peeps. I’m talking about the Tiny House Craze sweeping the […]

  13. That would be lovely 🙂

  14. It must be some evil marketing plan…like bottled pet water (liver water, anyone?) or spray-on hair for men not loving that blading look. If some people think it’s a trend, they are all in! I don’t get it either…

  15. Yes, and then all these people would have is a roof under their feet!!

  16. Who knows? My imagination isn’t that wonky!!

  17. Thanks, C!

  18. I’ll bet it was a wonderful experience to meet! Maybe we’ll have the same joy one of these years…

  19. Great to see another post from you. I met Al and Pattie recently and the photographic proof is on their blog. It was a lovely occasion 🙂

  20. Welcome back. ❤

  21. 🙂 illegal – what next…

  22. They are not for everyone, but I can see how they would be well suited for people who want to save money and like small spaces. I would worry about it blowing away one day!

  23. 😅

  24. I have watched that show and wonder why people don’t just buy an RV. Most of the newer models are very nice and you can trailer them anywhere plus the tiny houses are not cheap at all. They
    make no sense to me at all.

  25. I don’t live in the same universe as anyone who thinks living in such a small space with even one person would be a good idea. I still can’t believe it’s a real thing, well, at least a reality TV thing…

  26. Like a fine wine, right…if I don’t get better with age, make sure to keep a cork in me!!!

  27. My whole house is the dog house! 😉

  28. I have to think that this is just another strange marketing thing that will blow over (these tiny houses may well blow over in a good, stiff wind, too)! 😉 Crazy. And you know how I love to point out the crazy stuff!

  29. Aw, thanks! 🙂 ❤

  30. Those tiny houses are easy to overlook! 😉

  31. Of course I still remember you, Lorna. Fozzie is so cute. 🙂 I don’t do tiny houses at all.

  32. OOOOpppsss … Forgot – Fozzie looks so cute … you do too. 😍

  33. LOLOL …. I’ve viewed the show with the small houses. I’m astonished that someone would want to be boxed in like that. The only person I can see living on one of those houses is a man who doesn’t want to do the lawn. LOL
    Funny, as always, Lorna. It’s so nice to see you back here writing and uplifting spirits with your wonderful humor. Be well … Be happy
    Izzy 😎

  34. My wife has threatened to put me in the dog house several times, but the issue seems to be that I expect the dog to go with me and she wants him to stay with her. What’s the point of going to the dog house if the dog isn’t there, right?

    I suppose the people who live in these hovels own two sets of clothes and one pair of shoes. When they want to change their mind, they have to go outside. A little body odor would go a long ways in a building that size.

  35. Back with a vengeance! One of your best, Lorna. Loved it! xx

  36. Good to see you Liz! How’s the writing going?

  37. Yes, the small space to clean is appealing, but even one thing out of place in those homes makes the whole thing look unkempt. And for a single person or gerbil, they do make sense–but a family of 5? Really? Maybe my mind is too easily bamscrambled!!!!

  38. You could always buy a tiny home just for your books… 😉 No, that is literally ridiculous!!! 🙂

  39. 🙂

  40. I feel the same way. I thought it was a joke…until I realized it wasn’t and then I still thought it was funny. The I forgot about it until I read an article in my local paper about them possibly being illegal. All the insanity came rushing back and inspired this post! 😉

  41. The nomads had it right–if you can carry it, it’s yours. Otherwise, leave it behind! 😉

  42. OMG, I’m still laughing as I write this. I saw that episode. In fact I find myself watching that show way too much. My wife has started saying stupid things like “we could live in a tiny house.” I look around the living room at the thousands of knick knacks and odd pieces of furniture, and count the number of rooms the two of us now occupy that contain the same clutter, and think about the garage that doesn’t have cars in it because it’s full of stuff, and, well, we would have to have a garage scale of mammoth proportions and would have to be immensely successful. At any rate, any “tiny house” I could live in wouldn’t be able to be towed behind my truck. You should catch an expisode of houses made out of storage lockers.

  43. Thanks, Lorna. I have watched the programme in Spain too. I must say that here, at least in cities, when the apartments are tiny and expensive, many of the tiny houses seem quite big in comparison (and cheap). It is very appealing to me, and with Brexit I’m contemplating a move (if they don’t want me there I don’t want to be there) but when I sell the house I’m not sure I want to commit to another place… (In my favour goes that I lived mostly in a room for much of the time in the UK, so…) Books are indeed a problem and I’ve got a few paintings but…

  44. I am stuck for words, which happens quite a lot actually. I watched a few programs about tiny houses and they just made me laugh with the seriousness of the people who made them and the presenters… glorified dog kennels..

  45. I was just going to e-mail you that I just got home from work. And saw this. xoxox Talk manana? smooches and great to see you back in cyberville. xoxox

  46. I keep super-sizing my book collection. Can’t have enough books! Bookstores and libraries giggle with glee when they see me coming! So me and a tiny-home? Yagottabekiddin’
    And welcome back to the digital world – no coastal sand in yer shorts here! Lol!

  47. I’ve watched several episodes of tiny houses. They’re very intriguing and interesting. The only one that seems authentic is the single girl who is also a cop. It does fit in her job….. small space to clean .

  48. Welcome back, Lorna!

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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