This might be my next campaign, but, for now, I need one these posters for sunshine.

This might be my next campaign, but, for now, I need one these posters for sunshine.

If you live in a part of the world where summer has arrived, this post is for you. Consider it a Dizzy Blonde Public Service Announcement.

You’re totally welcome.

If you don’t live in a part of the world where it’s summertime, just wait. And by “just wait,” I mean:

  • wait for the weather to turn hot and sticky (which is just “icky” with a “st” stuck on the front of it because everything sticks to things during summer)
  • wait for bugs to start bugging you because that’s what they do
  • wait for SPF 100 sunscreen to stain your clothes putrid yellow while letting your skin burn AND feel as if it will never be clean again
  • wait for fans, air conditioners and capri pants in your size to be sold out

But don’t in any way, shape, or form, wait to read this post because it still has handyfulΒ infodatascoopageΒ if you ever go outside.

Okay?

Good.

For some reason, when summer arrives, people want to wear skimpy duds and spend time exposed outside (of their houses, which are air conditioned and, you know, safe from things that are, you know, outside).

Hey, I'm all for fun puns, but not like this. Excuse me while I change my sheets.

Hey, I’m all for fun puns, but not like this. Excuse me while I change my sheets. Or hide under them.

Don’t ask me to explain these facts. I’m just reporting it.

Anyway, if you adventure outside going or seeing something that you couldn’t experience perfectly safely and second-handly in the comfort of your favorite chair/bed/whatever on cable TV, Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, the Interwebz, etcetera, … um, where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. If you’re foolish enough to expose yourself to the grueling outdoors, at least take some uncommon sense precautions. I offer uncommon sense, because that’s all I have.

You’re probably going to have to drive to get to wherever you think the fun is happening. For cupcake’s sake, do not drive while distracted. Do you how many people never come back home alive because they drove without driving? Or they got hit by someone who was only pretending to drive? Oh, don’t look so confused. You know who you are! You’re probably reading this post on your phone or desktop while you’re driving!

And it’s not just phones that distract drivers.

Look closely. The passenger in this Subaru is a goat. That's baaaaad enough, but the kid is not buckled in. Took this picture while driving through Longview, WA.

Look closely. The passenger in this Subaru is a goat. That’s baaaaad enough, but the kid is not buckled in. Took this picture while driving through Longview, WA.

Once you get to wherever you decided to expose yourself to alpha, beta, gamma, bippity, boppity, and boop rays, you have to know that wild critters are also going to be out there. They have a playbook. In the “Summertime” chapter, the instructions are quite clear. “Go to picnic areas. Preferably near water. Wait. Humans will come. They will bring food. They are food. They are neither fast nor clever. They wear flip-flops. Do not be ashamed of the easy pickings. Remember that winter is not far away.”

How many "Do not feed the bears" warnings do we need, People? Took this photo right in my own neighborhood. Good thing this guy was both full and distracted...

How many “Do not feed the bears” warnings do we need, People? Took this photo right in my own neighborhood. Good thing this guy was both full and distracted…

Critters do not have to be wild to behave in ways that could startle, create havoc, or ruin a perfectly yucky day in the sweltering heat.

Cats dart out and scare you all the time. Do they really need help? I saw this feller while walking Fozzie. Good thing Foz was on a leash. Setting the video to music was his idea. Fozzie is a very artsy guy.

If you really must go camping, People, make sure your equipment is in good condition.

I know it's nice to have A/C in your camper, but, really? This little gem was parked in my neighborhood. Nice, huh?

I know it’s nice to have A/C in your camper, but, really? This little gem was parked in my neighborhood. Nice, huh?

You may, after reading this, deduce that I have something against summer.

Au contraire! (That’s “you silly, silly, goose!” in French.) I’m an invisible card-carrying Buddhist (the card is invisible, not me–just thought that might need explaining). I make no judgments. I understand that all things simply are…until they aren’t. My only intention was to warn you of the possible challenges you might encounter as you go out into the glaring sun looking for fun.

I sense my work here is done.

I'm cool with your karma. Now let my sleeping dogma lie, K?

I’m cool with your karma. Now let my sleeping dogma lie, K?

 

So, how’s the weather in your corner of the world?