Stop the Natural Nutrition Train! I Need to Get Off NOW!

Yup, that's me.

Yup, that’s me. I do look younger than most nearly 58-year-old women, don’t I? Or am I deluding myself, which women my age often do…

I often forget how old I am.

Just the other day, I asked Phil, “How fifty am I exactly?”

Okay, I may look younger than I am, but I have the confused mind of exactly how old I am (an almost 58-year old).

How do I maintain this youthful, non-photo-shopped, non-surgically-altered appearance?

It’s no secret.

1. I get plenty of sleep.

2. I avoid people stress.

3. I walk briskly for an hour every day.

4. I avoid the sun.

5. I never smoked (not even pot).

6. I don’t drink alcohol (and the 10 years that I was shizzle-faced on vodka doesn’t count because that was over 30 years ago and nothing over 30 years ago counts except for what your parents may or may not have done to you).

7. I don’t drink caffeine (oh, stop rolling your eyes–I’m just telling you how to look younger).

8. I’m vegan, which means that I don’t eat flesh or anything that came from a fleshy kindred soul.

9. I avoid processed foods including sugar.

10. I take a boat load of natural supplements.

There you have it!

Kind of.

I thought I was doing everything I could to stay as healthy as a person with chronic fatigue could.

I thought wrong.

This morning I saw this in my local newspaper.

I'm really considering not reading the local newspaper anymore.

I’m really considering not reading the local newspaper anymore.

What the yuck?

Women are actually eating their (or their baby’s) placenta for the immune-boosting power it’s supposed to have.

I repeat, what the yuck?

Chronic fatigue is a disease of the immune system. Never in a bazillion years would I have eaten portions of the afterbirth after the birth of my son. I don’t care if it was served with a nice Malbec from Australia, cooked to the peak of perfection and garnished to the hilt.

Cannibalism. Placenta Parfait. Where’s the line?

Sure, in this toxic world, we need all the immune boosters we can get, but this is going too far. This is where the Natural Nutrition train has gone off the tracks for me.

I’m not the only one grossed out by this who thinks so.

This article basically says that there’s no scientific evidence that eating placenta has any significantly positive effect on health.

Although I would imagine keeping a placenta pie in the refrigerator would have an amazingly powerful appetite-reduction effect on the entire family, thus helping with the obesity epidemic in America.

Plus, all these placenta platters have been served up deep-fried, baked, grilled, or otherwise cooked. Anyone who knows anything about natural foods knows that cooking things destroys the live nutrients. And that’s what the article says. Placenta Pudding has to be raw, Baby.

No yucking way!

I think I’ll keep up my established health routine and age as gracefully as I can.

I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?

Oh.

I saw this in my newspaper, too.

Look closely. There is a "humanoid" performing exercises on the table.

Look closely. There is a “humanoid” performing exercises on the table and the “seniors” are supposed to follow along. I really need to take a class in taking pictures of pictures.

I could end up like these Dutch nursing home residents.

Not that I would go to the Netherlands to get warehoused, although who knows? I’ve been surprised before.

I was guessing the USA would quickly catch on to the idea of robots providing care and services to the elderly.

It’s perfect, right?

1. The initial cost of the equipment would be recovered quickly in cutting personnel who need those pesky benefits.

2. Americans value techy things over people, so this is a total no-brainer.

3. If Robo-Aide breaks down, no biggie. I mean, who is going to notice? We’re talking nursing home residents, People.

4. No need for in-services or Human Resources counselors when residents “pass.” Robo-Aides don’t get “attached” to anyone (unless they have claws that malfunction).

Don’t worry about me, People.

Phil and I have an agreement.

Before I’m ready to be shipped off to a nursing home where some robot will be leading a chair-yoga session, I’m going to eat a whole vanilla cake with buttercream frosting and have a triple-shot Caramel Macchiato. If the sugar and caffeine buzz doesn’t kill me, I’ll sit in the sun from 10:00 until 2:00 with a bunch of screaming children and do it all again.

That should do it.

I'm not sweatin' to the oldies with R2D2.

I’m not sweatin’ to the oldies with r2d2.

What is oddest thing you’ve ever done or heard about in the name of good health or nutrition?

 

 

~ by Lorna's Voice on June 8, 2015.

48 Responses to “Stop the Natural Nutrition Train! I Need to Get Off NOW!”

  1. I probably should have put a warning notice on this post. Sorry, my friend! But keep this post handy for when you get a craving for something naughty (in the food department). It should quell those hunger pangs! 😉

  2. Great play on words, Gerry…enlightening, indeed! 🙂

  3. Some of us need more help than others, and with this placenta thing it might knock Americas biggest loser out of business…. but I can imagine plenty of placenta eaters doing their cooking and reading up on recipes..placenta milk puddings,,yeh right. 😉 very enlightening Lorna, enlightening as in weight…

  4. You do look very good for your age, and certainly eat very healthily as well. The placenta thing was a bit hard to stomach, ( pardon the pun) especially for a man who has just finished his lunch. ( Scrambled eggs with mushrooms and a light garnish of mushrooms washed down with a nice cup of decaffeinated coffee )

  5. Will do, Sara. Anything for you! 😉

  6. OK, the placenta thing? Really gross. I thought preserving the placenta was a disgusting idea, but actually eating it? Ick. ICK!!!

    You’re staying healthy enough for you and me both – keep it up for my sake at least.

  7. Now that’s the truth! 🙂

  8. No matter what the health experts tell us, there is something to contradict what they say. I say just do what feels right and stop worrying so much about every little thing. The worrying is what ages us the most!

  9. Oh my! Aren’t snails made up of all guts? 😉

  10. And all without the benefit of eating myself! 😉

  11. I did hear about that and I’d heard about it again. Scary. I guess you’re eating yourself… But I agree you’re looking very young.

  12. You look good even for 48, so you must be doing something right. The weirdest beauty cream I’ve ever read of but haven’t tried, is snail gut cream. 😯 http://intothegloss.com/2014/08/korean-skincare-snail-mucin/

  13. You look really good, even for 48. 🙂 The weirdest beauty product I’ve read about, but could never bring myself to try out, is snail gut cream.8O http://travel.cnn.com/seoul/shop/snail-cream-821956

  14. Some people would go that far I’m sure as to eat placenta. Gross! We can only do as much as we can, and you certainly are, and you look great. We don’t know what God has in store for us. I have a relative who is 96 years old, sprite and agile and looks fabulous. She’s been smoking since she was a teen and still does! Go figure?

  15. I was…

  16. I thought you might. Are you in control of your gag reflex?

  17. I’m afraid to, but I’m going to anyway!

  18. Lori, you are on to something. Balance is the key. Can’t eliminate any food group and can’t over-indulge in anything either (that includes exercise). Just have to strike a good healthy balance and, most importantly (as you say) keep a good mental attitude. That’s why I find humor so important. 🙂

  19. That’s a good point. Thanks, Lorna.

  20. Placenta Pie. Yum. Heh. I was carded until I was 41. I’ve never even tried a cigarette (or smoked the other stuff). I don’t get shizzle faced … just a glass of wine on occasion. Other than that, I don’t do any of the other things you mentioned. The food that is good and bad for us changes weekly, no daily, no hourly! It’s not politically correct to say this, but personally, I think it’s all in the mind. The attitude we think, act and eat with, all takes a toll on the body. Anything to the extreme is bad for us. Too much, or too little of some foods can harm us. I once dropped out sugar and carbs altogether and almost landed in the ER. I followed a ‘no carb’ diet book’s plan. The doctor informed me that the body does need some carbs. We can’t completely cut them off. On the other hand, the evidence shows that too much, and diabetes makes a home in the body. But, what do I know? According to this new society we live in, my way of thinking needs to be “reformed.”

  21. I’ll bring two forks and a nice blanket, P. We’ll be all set! 🙂

  22. Me either. I keep thinking of something out of “Silence of the Lambs.”

  23. Yeah, you have to balance your nutrition otherwise you body isn’t happy at all. If the only thing you did was cut back on the processed foods, your body would be happier, At least it knows how to metabolize whole, real food! 🙂

  24. Well…depends on you definition of vices. I certainly have my quirks! 😉

  25. I agree! ❤

  26. Neither would this carnivore. Gross me out the door!

  27. Happy to fill the gross-factor void, Elyse. And, to answer your question, NO, NO, NO! A vegan would never eat a placenta for any reason–plankton, yes, placenta, no!

  28. Sorry. It is so. Google ‘drinking urine’ and ‘actress drinks urine.’

  29. That’s how I felt, but I knew what to say! 😉

  30. You’d be amazed. Fruits, veggies, grains, nuts. There’s a lot to eat! Thanks, Narelle!

  31. Just because dogs do it, doesn’t mean we should! Total yuck!

  32. Oh my! People do that? Tell me it isn’t so!

  33. Today, I’m right up there with you… 😐

  34. “How 50 am I?” Love it. You’re only as 50 as you feel. And I feel about 50-one-hundred.”

  35. You can put this one right up there with drinking your own urine.

  36. Reading” Gulp” and eating poop is even yuckier!

  37. You really do look great, Lorna. I can’t quite imagine what you DO eat and drink, but whatever it is, it’s working 🙂

  38. I am so grossed out now, I don’t even know what to say.

  39. You know, Lorna, I saw that article online and thought “that would make a great blog post.” But since I’ve never been preggers, and had fewer opportunities to taste this delicacy than many women, I felt the need to pass on it. Thank you for filling the void.

    I once read that some physicians are having IBD patients drink worm larvae to fix their GI Systems. I passed on that one, too.

    Apparently, I am not much of a sport.

    But tell me, Lorna, can a vegan even eat a placenta?

  40. No Magic remedies here… Just going along naturally like you, my friend. You look lovely to me and always will. I don’t drink or smoke anything either. Who needs it. The real world is kooky enough eating placentas and all. Oh god. Just to type that nearly made me hurl. Yuck is right. Thanks for the giggles. I think we are the same age if I remember right. And we look darn fine just as we are. ❤️❤️❤️

  41. Wow … .no vices … very impressive.

  42. No coffee?! I can’t possibly live without that one! I’ll pass on the placenta. You do look great, Lorna. I’ve done those detox weeks where you just drink water and eat raw vegetables. I’m near collapse by the end of the week. I’m never doing one again!

  43. Oh, man, I do NOT want to meet the woman who could eat that thing!

  44. Count me in on that vanilla cake, sit in the sun marathon. And don’t you think we need to practice? Starting now! lol 🙂 I’m with you on excessive health practices, the latest fad… healthy sensible living is my motto. Just like you, sister. 🙂

  45. You got that right! No danger of eating a placenta pie in our futures! Whew! 😉 Oh, and thanks for the compliment. (Blushing)

  46. I almost spit out my herbal tea when I saw that headline! Women actually do this. I hope they stop.

  47. I’m told I don’t look my age now–but that’s in exceptionally good lighting. And, no, you don’t look your 58 years–although 58 sounds so young to me. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything too “out-there” as far as health crazes. Balance is the most important in everything. As for eating a placenta–I’d need so much Vodka to make that happen it would undone any hard. (But I don’t drink either).

  48. You are gorgeous. And I think we should both congratulate ourselves on being past the placenta bearing age.

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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