Another candidate. Another election.  Another reason to take a nap.

Another candidate. Another election.
Another reason to take a nap.

Do you have chronic voter apathy?

Don’t despair!

I have a cure for you.

After you read this, you’re sure to take a freakish compulsive healthy interest in local, state and national political elections.

Did I hear you correctly?

Did I hear you correctly? Politics? Interesting? Surely you jest.

It’s true!

Some hinky dinky people actually run for public office.

They say and do crazerific shizzle and you won’t want to miss it.

Take this dude.

You can tell I took this picture, can't you?

You can tell I took this picture, can’t you?

This guy is a 27 year-old part-time community college student. I’m not sure what he does with his other part-time, um, time.

He’s running for City Councilman for a local city near where I live. His platform is to “represent everybody who needs representing.”

His two main issues are:

1. he opposes fluoridation of city water

2. supports a program to provide wounded and struggling veterans a place to fish

He’s had some trouble with his campaign, though.

1. He’s running against a several-term incumbent who is an established government employee.

2. He has a few felonies that his opponent keeps bringing up (burglary, reckless burning, driving with a suspended license, and trafficking in stolen government property).

3. His Facebook page had a picture of police pepper-spraying a man, under which he posted, “F@#K them pigs.”

4. He’s not particularly well-spoken.

I bet you're thinking what I'm thinking, "I can see that helmet."

I bet I know what you’re thinking, “Wow. This guy provides a real choice for anyone looking for a change in the old government as usual!” No? Not exactly what you were thinking?

Councilman Hopeful has an answer to each of the above challenges to his campaign stumbling blocks.

1. He watched a YouTube video of his running mate on the city’s website and thought, “He’d be a good guy to run against. It seems like it would be a fair race.” Plus, he’s running for the 4th ward and, according to our candidate, “Basically, I like the number 4.”

2. He’s hoping the voters will overlook his felony record. “I haven’t been in pretty much any trouble at all (lately). There’s been a couple of things here and there, but nothing serious like when I was younger…I’m just trying to move forward…It sucks to be discriminated against for things you’ve done and things you’ve done your sentence for.”

3. He’s taken down his Facebook page and says, “I had hoped nobody would be going through that.”

4. The man has a high school equivalency degree and has completed some college courses in writing and journalism. He lists his occupation as “investigative reporter” on his Facebook page, which doesn’t exist anymore. He also announced his candidacy on the same now defunct Facebook page. Too bad. Under qualification for the “job,” he put: Leadership, responsibility, experience, and determination.

I bet he has tons of experience with determination.

I bet he has tons of experience in determination.

You (and by “you,” I mean “I”) can’t make this stuff up, People! I got this all from my local newspaper.

An ex-con with dubious credentials announces his run for Councilman (of a ward because he likes the number) on his Facebook page where he has a nasty slur about the police with a platform of “no fluoridation” and a fishing program for vets. Priceless!

Now that’s a race worth watching!

Not that kind of race...but that looks like a race worth watching, too.

Not that kind of race…but that looks like a race worth watching, too.

Doesn’t this make you want to see who’s running in your town? State? Nation?

Come on, admit it!

Any wonky donk candidates you want to tell us about? Now’s the time!