(This should be read with a Southern Belle accent of at all possible.) Goodness Gracious! Our delicate sensibilities are all kerfuffled by that word Miss Lorna used. Whatever can she be talking about?

(This should be read with a Southern Belle accent of at all possible.) Goodness Gracious! Our delicate sensibilities are all kerfuffled by that word Miss Lorna used. Whatever can she be talking about?

Get your minds out of the gutter and into this G-rated blog, People!

This is a post about one of my favorite past-times: word play, or being a cunning linguist.

Those of you who know me, know that I’m not afraid to construct-u-late my own words in an effort to enrich-inate our already stretchy-pants language.

Have to keep those editors of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary busy!

Okay, one more, Webster, and then we have ta git down ta business. That thar danged dictionary we just finished with needs another look-see. Words are piling up faster than yer pants are giving up the good fight, ol' buddy.

Okay, one more, Webster, and then we have ta git down ta business. That thar danged dictionary we just finished with needs another look-see. Words are expandin’ faster than that thar belly of yers, ol’ buddy.

I also like to find obscure words and make up possible definitions for them.

Try these on for size:

Is FORMICATION (a noun) 1: the art of molding clay into something resembling anything other than a glob of clay or 2: the totally freaked out feeling when you think something is crawling under your skin, but really isn’t because you are hallucinating for some gawd awful reason or 3: a common misspelling of “fornication” by either junior high school students, people on too much caffeine, or the religiously oppressed pious?

Does DOGGO (an adverb) mean an act that is: 1. hidden? 2: casual? 3: cool, hip, groovy?

What does BUTYRACEOUS (an adjective) describe? 1. Thoroughbreds? 2. Skin Color? 3. Butter?

MIZZLE (a verb) means to: 1: rain softly, but not quite drizzle. 2. cover the mouth of a creature smaller than a dog. 3. complain.

I’ll tell the correct definitions at the end.

You are going to make me wait? You simply can't be that cruel? Look at me? Do I look like I have time to wait?

You are going to make me wait? Look at me. Do I look like I have time to wait?

Okay. I’ll tell you now: 2, 1, 3, 1

And then there are puns.

Puns are fun. Especially the subtle ones.

Those sneaky little puns are the best!

Those sneaky little puns are the best!

I was listening to some people complaining about having their mufflers repaired on their respective cars. After about 5 minutes of their moaning and groaning I said, “This conversation is exhausting.” No one got it. I smiled.

Similarly, I heard two people talking about having to get their tires replaced. On and on they went about tire life, tire rotation, all-weather versus seasonal tires…Finally I chimed in with, “This is all very tiring.” Again, they ignored me. Again, I smiled.

I’ve been having email correspondence with a lawyer who is redoing my will and some other documents. He asked me to send him get him some information for my will. I responded with a quick “Will do!” not realizing my pun until I pushed the send button. I wonder if he smiled. I did.

Puns don't make you laugh; they make you smile if they're good.

Puns don’t make you laugh; they make you smile if they’re good.

Some names and professions are puns.

In my old home town, there was:

*a dentist named Dr. Spitz

* a physician named Dr. Blood

* a Funeral home called Drown Funeral Home

Here are some punny business names I got from dumb.com: (notice the highbrow sites I select for my research)

  • Surelock Homes – Burglar alarms, in San Jose, California
  • Indiana Bones Temple of Groom – Doggie day care & boutique in Thousand Oaks, California
  • Cyclo Analysts – Bicycle shop in Oxford, United Kingdom
  • Lawn and Order – Landscaping in Charlotte, North Carolina
  • Carl’s Pane In The Glass – Screen and window repair in Garland, Texas
  • Best Little Hair House in Denver – Beauty salon in Denver, Colorado
  • Junk & Disorderly – Second hand store in Auckland, New Zealand
  • Tree Wise Men – Tree maintenance in Ridgefield, Washington
  • Cane & Able – Mobility store for seniors and the disabled in Hitchin, United Kingdom
  • The Greatful Head – Barber shop in San Francisco, California

Aren’t these fun?

Golly, I think Lorna's Voice is just about the funnest blog around.

Golly, I think when Lorna Β plays with words shes a real fun cunninglinguist. Oops! Did I say a bad word? I don’t think so!Β 

Now it’s your turn to tell about your favorite puns, obscure words, silly business names, or cunninglinguistics of your own.