We're not the first. We won't be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.

We’re not the first. We won’t be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.

I’m packing up all of my things and unplugging my high-speed internet.

Yup. The Big Move is happening this week.

Phil, Scrappy and me are driving across the county to our new home.

In my Prius.

This is going to kill my gas mileage.

This is going to kill my gas mileage.

Given the winter weather, we figure we should get there by Easter before New Year’s Eve.

I’ll let you know.

So I thought I’d close out 2014 with a few humding-a-lingers in the “News You Can Use” department.

If you find yourself at a party with nothing to talk about, pull out one of these stories and impress bamboozle the crowd.

You’re welcome.

Cremated Remains Found in Goodwill Donation. LaFayette, Indiana, 12/16/14. (UPI). I love shopping at Goodwill. I even donate lots of stuff there. But I sure don’t want to end up there after I’m gone (and by “gone,” I mean “dead” not just out for a walk or something). Show my cremains some respect. Put me in your yard sale. That’s so much more personal. At least you’ll know who cared enough to take me at a price they haggled you down for.

I'll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?

I’ll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?

Feline Cat Burglar Waddles Away From Fish Store $1,000 Fatter. Vladivostok, Russia 12/15/14. (UPI). The Ruskie cat, which Vladivostok International Airport workers said has often been spotted around the facility, was discovered inside the display window of the airport’s fish store and was filmed making a meal of squid, flounder and dry fish. No guppies for this purloining puddy-cat.

Man Brings Down the Roof During Marriage Proposal. Amsterdam. (Associated Press). It’s not every day that you see a grand gesture of romantic love. Good thing, too. Romeo hired a crane to lower himself down to his girlfriend’s bedroom window so he could scare the crap out of her surprise her with a proposal of marriage. The proposal ended up being more destructive and constructive. The crane tipped and smashed into the roof of the building. He jumped to safety and she said “yes” while the crane righted itself, only to tip again and destroy another roof. The final tally was:

Six apartments evacuated.
Five police a-calling.
Four dogs skedaddling.
Three insurance guys a-smiling.
Two lovers leaping.
And a partridge in a pear tree (safe from the rubble).

It's only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.

It’s only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.

Police Office Udderly Panic Stricken, Called for Back Up. 12/10/14 Scotland. (UPI). A Scottish police officer was sent to a farm to pick up a young hooligan. He started to panic when he saw a barn-full of loose cows on the farm, because you never know what those cows are thinking. They have a gang mentality. It’s true. Look it up. Or don’t. Anyway. The officer got all kerfuddled. It’s hard to make an arrest when you are too afraid to leave your car. He had to call for back up, explaining that he had bovinophobia. When the family asked the other officer (who wasn’t cursed with the fear of cows) what was happening, he said, “Officer McTurk doesn’t like cows.” The kid they came to arrest said, “Well I don’t like the police.” He probably has nomophobia (fear of the law). You think I made that word up, right? I didn’t.

You think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? And you think cows are stupid! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Lost Sheep Wearing Christmas Sweater Finally Found. Omaha, Nebraska. 12/10/14. (UPI). The lengths some sheep will go to to win the Ugly Holiday Sweater Contest! It would have been nice with this little lamb would have told her mom she was going off the farm to enter the contest in the big city. Kids these days! Whatcha gonna do?

I've been a very baaaad girl.

I’ve been a very baaaad girl.

Have a safe and splendid holiday.
See you in the new year when I’m an official West Coast Gal!

marilyn kissing