Truth is stranger than…well, truth is just strange.

We're not the first. We won't be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.

We’re not the first. We won’t be the last. But moving way the heck across the country is a big deal.

I’m packing up all of my things and unplugging my high-speed internet.

Yup. The Big Move is happening this week.

Phil, Scrappy and me are driving across the county to our new home.

In my Prius.

This is going to kill my gas mileage.

This is going to kill my gas mileage.

Given the winter weather, we figure we should get there by Easter before New Year’s Eve.

I’ll let you know.

So I thought I’d close out 2014 with a few humding-a-lingers in the “News You Can Use” department.

If you find yourself at a party with nothing to talk about, pull out one of these stories and impress bamboozle the crowd.

You’re welcome.

Cremated Remains Found in Goodwill Donation. LaFayette, Indiana, 12/16/14. (UPI). I love shopping at Goodwill. I even donate lots of stuff there. But I sure don’t want to end up there after I’m gone (and by “gone,” I mean “dead” not just out for a walk or something). Show my cremains some respect. Put me in your yard sale. That’s so much more personal. At least you’ll know who cared enough to take me at a price they haggled you down for.

I'll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?

I’ll take the sunglasses at full price, but you have to give me that urn for a buck. Deal?

Feline Cat Burglar Waddles Away From Fish Store $1,000 Fatter. Vladivostok, Russia 12/15/14. (UPI). The Ruskie cat, which Vladivostok International Airport workers said has often been spotted around the facility, was discovered inside the display window of the airport’s fish store and was filmed making a meal of squid, flounder and dry fish. No guppies for this purloining puddy-cat.

Man Brings Down the Roof During Marriage Proposal. Amsterdam. (Associated Press). It’s not every day that you see a grand gesture of romantic love. Good thing, too. Romeo hired a crane to lower himself down to his girlfriend’s bedroom window so he could scare the crap out of her surprise her with a proposal of marriage. The proposal ended up being more destructive and constructive. The crane tipped and smashed into the roof of the building. He jumped to safety and she said “yes” while the crane righted itself, only to tip again and destroy another roof. The final tally was:

Six apartments evacuated.
Five police a-calling.
Four dogs skedaddling.
Three insurance guys a-smiling.
Two lovers leaping.
And a partridge in a pear tree (safe from the rubble).

It's only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.

It’s only two stories, Hans. You could have used a ladder.

Police Office Udderly Panic Stricken, Called for Back Up. 12/10/14 Scotland. (UPI). A Scottish police officer was sent to a farm to pick up a young hooligan. He started to panic when he saw a barn-full of loose cows on the farm, because you never know what those cows are thinking. They have a gang mentality. It’s true. Look it up. Or don’t. Anyway. The officer got all kerfuddled. It’s hard to make an arrest when you are too afraid to leave your car. He had to call for back up, explaining that he had bovinophobia. When the family asked the other officer (who wasn’t cursed with the fear of cows) what was happening, he said, “Officer McTurk doesn’t like cows.” The kid they came to arrest said, “Well I don’t like the police.” He probably has nomophobia (fear of the law). You think I made that word up, right? I didn’t.

You think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You think chewing my cud is all I have on my mind right now? And you think cows are stupid! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Lost Sheep Wearing Christmas Sweater Finally Found. Omaha, Nebraska. 12/10/14. (UPI). The lengths some sheep will go to to win the Ugly Holiday Sweater Contest! It would have been nice with this little lamb would have told her mom she was going off the farm to enter the contest in the big city. Kids these days! Whatcha gonna do?

I've been a very baaaad girl.

I’ve been a very baaaad girl.

Have a safe and splendid holiday.
See you in the new year when I’m an official West Coast Gal!

marilyn kissing

 

 

~ by Lorna's Voice on December 17, 2014.

59 Responses to “Truth is stranger than…well, truth is just strange.”

  1. About 15 minute drive from where I am now. 😊

  2. Not Portland, lol. Just 15 minutes from where I am. 😊

  3. Where are you going?

  4. And I am now packing to be moved by Feb 1st. Oh, how I understand the aches, my fibromyalgia is hating me lol

  5. Great fun and I hope the move went well. Still trying to catch up…:)

  6. Good luck with the move, Lorna. We welcome you to the beautiful West. When you settle in, I’d love to send you my novel. I responded to your comment on my blog–I don’t usually do that, but it jerked me into reality. I didn’t read it the way you did.

  7. I hope all went well with the move Lorna 😊

  8. Ha! I hate when that happens.

  9. We had a wonderful two day Christmas-first at my house then at Ron’s-with Lois & Joe, Mom, and my girls and families ❤ We even made home cranked ice cream! M-m-m-m!

  10. I know how you feel, Lorna. Pace yourself…

  11. Good luck – I hate unpacking! 🙂

  12. That sounds right. The Good Will donations workers know me by name already!

  13. I went through it not long ago, purge, … then purge when packing … then purge when unpacking … then purge when reorganizing … we purge again going through holiday stuff.

  14. Thanks again, kind sir!

  15. It took us 6 days–not bad. Only one day of snowy weather and we really enjoyed seeing this vast and beautiful country!

  16. Phil drove the whole way. My Prius never went so fast!

  17. We had a safe and wonderful journey! Thanks!

  18. Well, I’m here, but not close to being settled. Too many boxes. What was I thinking?

  19. Thanks, Ruth! Hope you had a wonderful holiday season!

  20. Thanks so much! And the same to you! 🙂

  21. So far so good. 😉

  22. 🙂

  23. I know what you mean. I was raised across a dairy farm. cows can be very ornery. I’ve been chased more than once (you’d think I would’ve learned!) and had to roll under an electric fence to escape the mad cow onslaught.

    The trip went smoothly for the most part. The unpacking is an entirely different story…

  24. Yeah, I wish. You know any people who know any people?

  25. Thanks Gerry! I’ll be back online soon! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas this year!

  26. Thanks so much! It did. Now I have to unpack WAY too much stuff!

  27. Slight turn is right–those roads are long and straight. I wonder if anyone has counted the number of fence posts in that state?

  28. It did, it’s the unpacking that’s a killer. I feel like I’m in a sci-fi horror flick. Boxes are regenerating and taking over the house!

  29. I’m waiting for my car to get serviced–that’s why I have the time to be blogging. Otherwise, it’s unpacking and sorting and having that dazed looked…

  30. My trip went pretty well–except a White Christmas snow storm. Pretty but treacherous driving. And try to find a vegan meal in cow poke country!

  31. Scrappy did great. He was such a trooper. Now that we’ve landed in our new home, however, he seems confused. I’m kinda feeling the same way!

  32. Thanks, Darlin’! I’m here but I’m far from settled. So many boxes, so little energy…

  33. Thanks, Narelle! I’m overwhelmed right now. What the heck was I thinking? Poor Scrappy, he’s so confused…or is that me? 😐

  34. It has been very stressful. Boxes everywhere. I thought I downsized before we moved, but I have to get rid of more stuff to make things fit in the house which is larger than my condo. Go figure. 😐

  35. It will be more like debox! 😉

  36. Yeah! Welcome and I promise not to disappoint. The memoir is funny, the novel is serious–just warning you. The blog is always zany. I can’t help myself! 🙂 Happy New Year!

  37. Perfect timing – Joanne sent me, and I’ll ring in the New Year with some laughs on your blog and wish you well in your new home. Am adding your books to my 2015 reading list (rubs Hans in anticipation)!

  38. It will be like detox

    Best of luck and Merry Xmas Lorna!

    🙂

  39. Moving is stressful at any time of year, so best wishes to you and yours during the adjustment. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you!!!

  40. Happy Christmas to you and Phil and your new home! Exciting times for you, Lorna. Love your work! xx

  41. You slay me and leave me in stitches every time, girlfriend. When you get to the west coast, we will be closer geographically but always in our hearts. Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year in your new home ❤ ❤ ❤

  42. Be safe on your road trip. I mean, I don’t reckon you’d choose otherwise but Americans say that anyway. I hope ole Scraps deals well with long car trips. I know some dogs don’t.

  43. I’ve just moved from west coast to east, and now you’re doing the opposite. We need to compare ‘moving’ horror stories. Nah, that would be too depressing, and your blog is very funny. Maybe in half a decade we’ll find some humor in our moves, yes? Good luck, hope all goes well.

  44. Enjoy the drive and see you when you’re back online again! Happy Holidays, Lorna…hugs.

  45. Good luck with the move – hope all goes smoothly!

  46. That guy in Amsterdam….I guess he really got in Dutch, huh?

    Have a safe trip, Lorna, and don’t forget, it’s a slight left turn in Nebraska.

  47. Hope all goes well!

  48. Thank you for enlightening my 2014, in places it needed it badly. Hope you all have a good trip and settle well… and wishing you a very merry Christmas and hoe to read more soon.. take care…

  49. Good luck with the move, Lorna. Are you heading out west in advance of your screenplay for your book? 😉

  50. This was so much fun – except for the cows … only because I know how that police officer feels. I was chased across a field by a herd of about 15 cows when I got lost on a hiking trip. I was terrified! I don’t care what anyone says – very large animals who aren’t particularly smart are dangerous in large numbers!! People who I used to think were my friends still tease me about it!

    Merry Christmas and safe travels. I’m sure you will find adventure along the way 🙂

  51. Ugh, always re-read before posting – so glad it has a happy ending!

  52. Much happiness in your new life, Lorna! I’m reading “How Was I Supposed to Know?” and I’m so happy it has a happy ending. 🙂

  53. Have a Wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Pawkisses right back at you 🙂

  54. Safe travels Lorna, Phil, and Scrappy. Looking forward to West Coast Wonders! Love you!

  55. Safe travels. Holding you, Phil, and Scrappy in our hearts and good thoughts that the trip is enjoyable. Happy holidays, my friend. Love from moi and your new west coast extended family. ❤

  56. Be careful,Merry Christmas

  57. Have a safe trip and drive like a human… thanks for the stories I might just use one this year….

  58. I think you have the EDA correct, somewhere around the first week in January. LOL You couldn’t have picked a better time of the year to drive across country. Have a safe trip, and MERRY CHRISTMAS to you.

  59. Best of luck with the move. I’m sure it will be fine. My “Interview” post is ready to go but given people’s habit of being distracted at this time of the year, I have decided to publish it after New Years Eve when all the washing up has been done. Hope that’s fine with you 🙂 Have a lovely Christmas x

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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