Golly, I think Lorna's Voice is just about the funnest blog around.

Golly, I think Lorna’s Voice is just about the funnest blog around.

I’d like to think that people to come my blog to get their dose of my unique sense of humor and style.

I’d also like to think that my blog is a wholesome, down-to-earth, safe sanctuary of good, clean fun.

Gosh, darn, it, reality suggests otherwise.

Well, at least the stats on the internet searches that brought viewers to my blog in the last several months suggest otherwise.

I have reviewed the data carefully. Lorna is correct. She is living is a dream world if she believes her blog is as innocent as she thinks.

I have reviewed the data carefully. Lorna is correct. She is living in a dream world if she believes her blog is innocent and perfectly wholesome.

Here are just of few of the search phrases  terms  ridicuwords strung together that people out there in Ether Land are actually typing in and somehow finding me.

“full body cast”–They probably are not searching for the cast members of a reality show called “Full Body” even though there’s probably a show out there scheduled for Sweeps Week.

“women in quicksand”–Men, I’m sure there are easier ways to get rid of her body.

“buzz cut women”–Men, see above.

“man fairy”–Who would be searching for a man fairy and when did I ever talk about man fairies? What are man fairies?

“saying I’m sorry in blood”–I’m the first to admit that I have chronic, even terminal, apologitis, but I never used blood to write an “I’m sorry” letter. I prefer a nice #2 pencil.

“dog with gun”–Whoa, Nelly! I agree that all dogs should be licensed, but not for firearms. That’s just wrong.

“fleshy girl”–Hey, I’m glad you’re looking for a woman with a bit of heft, but I’m not her.

“woman lifts man stories”–See above.

“Can donkeys fly?”–You actually typed this question into a search engine?

“manure man”–Kind of sounds like a Super Hero, huh? His power is repelling people.

“blonde with sexy leg”–Just one leg?

“What do you get a dancer?”–The other leg? Music?

“Mother Theresa was a psychopath”–What the fluffernutter? I sense a little transference going on (that’s when you attribute your feelings, beliefs, or screwiness onto someone else, right?).

“sexy woman walking dog”–Well, if my shoe fits…

“sexy blonde college teacher”–Again, guilty as charged.

“old woman with braces”–Now, that’s just mean.

“Lorna’s April porno film”–I never, repeat, never made a porno film in April! I was very busy with other projects in April.

“ex-psychopath sending me telepathic messages”–First, are you concerned or bragging? Second, are you sure about the “ex” part? Third, are your sure about the “telepathic” part? Fourth, how could you possibly think anyone on the Internet could help you?

“old man rubbing his nipples”–This is so situation-dependent, it’s hard for me to know how to respond. Ick? Call 911? Ick and call 911?

“bimbo hot pants”–I have better fashion sense than that. Hot pants went out of vogue in the 1970s. Sheesh!

So, you see, all kinds of creepy-web-crawlers are finding my innocent, silly little blog.

I’m beginning to think that I’m getting a sullied reputation in the blog-o-sphere.

I'm just a little angel trying not get into too much mischief.

I’m just a little angel trying not to get into too much mischief.

What do you think? Am I getting into too much mischief?