We don't use the whatcha call typical tools of the marketing trade, but we get er done.

We don’t use the whatcha call typical tools of the marketing trade, but we get er done.

You remember us, right?

We’re the sketchy fellas reputable firm Lorna used last time to promote her book. What was it called? Oh yeah, How Was I Supposed to Know?

It was a memoir and memoirs, ‘cept for your politicians, celebrity do-nothins or serial killers don’t sell too good.

Yeah. They both got publishers to buy and market their books. Even more astonishing, they can read.

Yeah. They both got publishers to buy and market their books. Even more astonishing, they can read.

So don’t blame us if Lorna’s book didn’t even end up in the NY Times Obituary section.

Since we made a two-fer deal, we’re busy promotin’ her second book. It’s called Never Turn Back.

That's us at a marketin' conference. Some team buidlin'/outdoor he-man exercise. You know, the typical book marketin' conference stuff.

That’s us at a marketin’ conference. Some team buidlin’/outdoor he-man exercise. You know, the typical book marketin’ conference stuff.

Ain’t she lucky we had room in our schedule?

We got good news.

She gave away about 575 copies on that free promo she ran (against our advice, we might add). She insisted, saying “If even 100 people write reviews in turn for getting a free book, it will be worth it.”

So I guess our job is now to send out the muscle to strong-arm your free-downloaders into reading the book and writing reviews every place they can think of.

Good thing we got the boys from Ruff M. Up on retainer.

Good thing we got the boys from Ruff M. Up on retainer.

Lorna likes to make our job tough.

About 25 people so far have bought the e-book and a few have ordered the paperback version.

That makes over 600 possible reviews she could get.

So far she has six. Yup. 6.

Five of them are great.

One person really didn’t connect with the main character so that person gave the book a low rating. I suppose the author of “Gone Girl” or the person who wrote the biography of Jeffrey Dahmer had the same problem.

I give "Silence of the Lambs" 2 stars. I just couldn't connect with the Hannibal. He's so mean and makes all the wrong choices.

I give “Silence of the Lambs” 2 stars. I just couldn’t connect with Hannibal. He’s so mean and makes all the wrong choices.

Back to the good reviews. Let’s hear what people are saying about Never Turn Back.

“An impressive life story, a loving tribute to a strong woman and a masterful illustration of life’s many obstacles on a war torn continent. Woven into the narrative are great details about the historical setting and the times. The book covers a lot of ground, geographically and historically, and focuses on many different aspects of Meri’s life as she grows as a person and as her life and priorities change: Her ambitions, her ideas, old and new emotional scars. The book is a moving and enlightening journey. Meri is a fascinating character and her story demonstrates the element of chance and faith excellently. She stayed with me long after I had finished reading this remarkable book.” 5 stars, Christoph Fischer

“The story is based on the life of the author’s grandmother, and the book weaves fact and fiction seamlessly together to create an engaging and wholly believable story. It’s one of those books where you find yourself quickly immersed in the story and then feel a sense of loss at the end that you will no longer be part of their lives. We might not agree with some of Meri’s choices, but we can totally understand why she makes them, and we’re rooting for her all the way through. I think this book would be excellent dramatised for TV, I could totally see this as a BBC production, maybe split over 12 episodes; that’s the type of feel it has to it.” 5 stars, Vanessa-Jane Chapman

“I like stories about women in WWII. It’s a different, fresh perspective on the whole thing. But this story goes beyond WWII and follows the adult life of a Finnish woman who eventually comes to the US, like many of our relatives did. I like that this follows a real person and the things that happened to her in her attempt to make a better life for herself and her family. The book is well written, with very real characters with real flaws and real struggles. And I don’t want to give too much away, but I like that things work out in the end. There were so many thing that Meri endured for her not to get something to work out for her!” 4 stars, Christine Craven

Also, Lorna’s been interviewed on three blogs so far,

Just Olga, a fine blogger and writer who’s knee-deep in that November write-a-novel-in-a-month thingy, Nanomombocombo, or somethin’ like that.

Kev’s Blog, a guy who loves to read, write, and meet new authors by interviewing them. Pertty slick way to meet gals, we figure.

Vanessa Jane Chapman’s Blog. She’s just one of the sweetest, most generous and funniest gals Down Under. Down Under what? I’m not so sure, but if it’s a tractor, we’re in love. She’s givin’ away an Amazon gift card for anyone willin’ to play a game with her and Lorna. Sound interestin’? It’s not too late! You still have til MONDAY, 11/17 to play.

So, Lorna and her new book are gettin’ exposure. Hey, that’s what we’re paid for.

This ain't the exposure we had in mind, but any exposure is good exposure in our book!

This ain’t the kind of exposure we were thinkin’, but any exposure is good exposure in our book!

Just so you know, we ain’t too up on modern type techo-geeky stuff like modems and smarty-pants phones.

So if you could twit this post around or do whatever you social media types do, we’d be much obliged.

Just don’t tell Lorna. She thinks ’cause we look all sophistimacated, that we know how to do all this computer crap.

She’s easy to fool. Don’t tell her we said that either.

I'm licensed to use this stuff and I won't hesitate to use plenty of it to keep you quiet...and fix just about anything that needs fixin'.

I’m licensed to use this stuff and I won’t hesitate to use plenty of it to keep you quiet…and fix just about anything that needs fixin’.

If there’s any more important-like news on Lorna’s book, or if you need a reliable unique freakoid marketing firm, you can count on us.

Just so you know, “Cheap” is our middle name.

Actually, “N.” is our middle name, but let’s not get hung up on techicaltalities.

Until next time…we’re off to market a product for new parents.

The Wall Huggie.

The Wall Huggie.

What do you thing the “N.” stands for?