Just give me the good news. I can't take the bad stuff unless I get some major candy with it.

Just give me the good news. I can’t take the bad stuff unless I get some major candy with it.

Are you sick of hearing about Ebola?

I know it’s a scary disease and a real problem around in the southern hemisphere (which apparently includes Texas), but more people die waiting for the cable guy to show up than of Ebola.

I made that up, but it might be true. Waiting for the cable guy IS stressful and may lead to some pretty fatal consequences.

Okay. That's stressful.

Okay. That’s stressful.

But you get my drift. And I am drifting.

Here are some real news stories you may not have heard about because ebola has all the news stations chasing any plague-like story like Lassie chased Timmy’s parents when he kept getting himself lost, stuck, or in some kind of messy jam (not the strawberry Smuckers kind).

Timmy, how many times do I have to tell you not to sit on the edge of things. You know this isn't going to end well for you.

Timmy, how many times do I have to tell you not to sit on the edge of things. You know this isn’t going to end well for you.

Pizza driver gets $1,268 tip at college chapel. Marion, Illinois. 10/10 (UPI). James Gilpin, a Domino’s delivery driver, was brought on stage when he arrived to Indiana Wesleyan University’s chapel with the two pizzas — totaling $12.50 — and he was awarded the $1,268 cash tip plus $70 in gift cards. The Bible studies class was doing a lesson on generosity. Gilpin plans to use the money to buy his children lots of toys for Christmas. He was deeply moved, remains a devout agnostic, and hovers by the phone hoping that the chapel orders more pizza. But they probably moved on to a lesson about honesty and he’ll get an ear-full about what they think of Domino Pizza.

Maybe if I don't spend the whole tip on the kids, I can afford a moped to haul my cart around. Nah, the kid's already sent their list to Santa and it took extra postage.

Maybe if I don’t spend whole the tip on the kids, I can afford a moped to haul my cart around. Nah, the kid’s already sent their list to Santa and it took extra postage.

UFO Conference Suggests Bigfoot Could be an Alien. Pittsburgh, PA. 10/8 (UPI). Fred Saluga, West Virginia state director and Pennsylvania regional director for the Mutual UFO Network, said the group’s seventh annual Pittsburgh UFO-Creature Conference will feature a “Bigfoot and Mysterious Creatures” presentation questioning whether the legendary Sasquatch could be a visitor from another world. Really? The Mutual UFO Network? Why Pennsylvania? Because Fayette County, Pa., is a hotbed of reported Bigfoot activity. What else is there to do but make quilts and search for large hairy beasts in those bucolic foothills? In other news, Star Wars Convention Suggests Bigfoot Could be an Ewock. George Lucas Keynote speaker. Somehow that makes for sense.

Yo! I just, um, landed, and could sure use a smoke.

Yo! I just, um, landed, and could sure use a smoke. Or a role in a major motion picture franchise. What? I’m a few decades too late. Shizzle!

 

100 Pair of Pants Rip at Chinese Military Event. WUHAN, China, 10/6 (UPI) — A Chinese military reserve training session was interrupted when the reservists were told to sit down and more than 100 pairs of pants ripped simultaneously. Well, the Chinese are known for their precision. And skinny jeans/military pants. In related news, the exact thing happened at a 6:00 p.m. Toledo, Ohio Weight Watcher’s meeting. The WW’ers were planning on going out to Applebee’s for a quick bite after their meeting, but had to cancel because not all of them were wearing long tunics, sweaters, or coats.

The Toledo Tootsies agree unanimously after the pants seam blow-out debacle that: 1. there's is a chair-optional meeting; 2. loose skirts never go out of fashion; and 3. Pizza Hut is their after meeting haunt due to the salad bar which they could theoretically order.

The Toledo Tootsies (Kennith objects to the name of the group, but his wife, Flo, made him join, anyway) agree unanimously after the pants-seam blow-out debacle that: 1. they have a chair-optional meeting; 2. loose skirts never go out of fashion (again, Kenneth objects, but Flo put her foot down and Ken’s limping pretty bad); and 3. Pizza Hut is their new after meeting haunt due to the salad bar which they could theoretically order.

Now, wasn’t that a nice break from all the scary news bombarding us 24-7?

If you want to read more odd news stories, go to Snopes. That’s where I got these news stories. Plus they offer So much more. They’re my go-to fact-checker source.

Scrappy is on the job helping the Divine Ms. L. keep up with all the news that fit to print.

Hey! I thought I was your go-to-fact-checker, helping you keep up with all the news that fit to print.

Just remember, while the stories and most of the facts are true, I made some stuff up to be silly.

right?

That’s why you can’t resist me, right?

What do you think makes my your blog irresistible?