Just the Facts, Ma’am, not the Fear

 

Just give me the good news. I can't take the bad stuff unless I get some major candy with it.

Just give me the good news. I can’t take the bad stuff unless I get some major candy with it.

Are you sick of hearing about Ebola?

I know it’s a scary disease and a real problem around in the southern hemisphere (which apparently includes Texas), but more people die waiting for the cable guy to show up than of Ebola.

I made that up, but it might be true. Waiting for the cable guy IS stressful and may lead to some pretty fatal consequences.

Okay. That's stressful.

Okay. That’s stressful.

But you get my drift. And I am drifting.

Here are some real news stories you may not have heard about because ebola has all the news stations chasing any plague-like story like Lassie chased Timmy’s parents when he kept getting himself lost, stuck, or in some kind of messy jam (not the strawberry Smuckers kind).

Timmy, how many times do I have to tell you not to sit on the edge of things. You know this isn't going to end well for you.

Timmy, how many times do I have to tell you not to sit on the edge of things. You know this isn’t going to end well for you.

Pizza driver gets $1,268 tip at college chapel. Marion, Illinois. 10/10 (UPI). James Gilpin, a Domino’s delivery driver, was brought on stage when he arrived to Indiana Wesleyan University’s chapel with the two pizzas — totaling $12.50 — and he was awarded the $1,268 cash tip plus $70 in gift cards. The Bible studies class was doing a lesson on generosity. Gilpin plans to use the money to buy his children lots of toys for Christmas. He was deeply moved, remains a devout agnostic, and hovers by the phone hoping that the chapel orders more pizza. But they probably moved on to a lesson about honesty and he’ll get an ear-full about what they think of Domino Pizza.

Maybe if I don't spend the whole tip on the kids, I can afford a moped to haul my cart around. Nah, the kid's already sent their list to Santa and it took extra postage.

Maybe if I don’t spend whole the tip on the kids, I can afford a moped to haul my cart around. Nah, the kid’s already sent their list to Santa and it took extra postage.

UFO Conference Suggests Bigfoot Could be an Alien. Pittsburgh, PA. 10/8 (UPI). Fred Saluga, West Virginia state director and Pennsylvania regional director for the Mutual UFO Network, said the group’s seventh annual Pittsburgh UFO-Creature Conference will feature a “Bigfoot and Mysterious Creatures” presentation questioning whether the legendary Sasquatch could be a visitor from another world. Really? The Mutual UFO Network? Why Pennsylvania? Because Fayette County, Pa., is a hotbed of reported Bigfoot activity. What else is there to do but make quilts and search for large hairy beasts in those bucolic foothills? In other news, Star Wars Convention Suggests Bigfoot Could be an Ewock. George Lucas Keynote speaker. Somehow that makes for sense.

Yo! I just, um, landed, and could sure use a smoke.

Yo! I just, um, landed, and could sure use a smoke. Or a role in a major motion picture franchise. What? I’m a few decades too late. Shizzle!

 

100 Pair of Pants Rip at Chinese Military Event. WUHAN, China, 10/6 (UPI) — A Chinese military reserve training session was interrupted when the reservists were told to sit down and more than 100 pairs of pants ripped simultaneously. Well, the Chinese are known for their precision. And skinny jeans/military pants. In related news, the exact thing happened at a 6:00 p.m. Toledo, Ohio Weight Watcher’s meeting. The WW’ers were planning on going out to Applebee’s for a quick bite after their meeting, but had to cancel because not all of them were wearing long tunics, sweaters, or coats.

The Toledo Tootsies agree unanimously after the pants seam blow-out debacle that: 1. there's is a chair-optional meeting; 2. loose skirts never go out of fashion; and 3. Pizza Hut is their after meeting haunt due to the salad bar which they could theoretically order.

The Toledo Tootsies (Kennith objects to the name of the group, but his wife, Flo, made him join, anyway) agree unanimously after the pants-seam blow-out debacle that: 1. they have a chair-optional meeting; 2. loose skirts never go out of fashion (again, Kenneth objects, but Flo put her foot down and Ken’s limping pretty bad); and 3. Pizza Hut is their new after meeting haunt due to the salad bar which they could theoretically order.

Now, wasn’t that a nice break from all the scary news bombarding us 24-7?

If you want to read more odd news stories, go to Snopes. That’s where I got these news stories. Plus they offer So much more. They’re my go-to fact-checker source.

Scrappy is on the job helping the Divine Ms. L. keep up with all the news that fit to print.

Hey! I thought I was your go-to-fact-checker, helping you keep up with all the news that fit to print.

Just remember, while the stories and most of the facts are true, I made some stuff up to be silly.

right?

That’s why you can’t resist me, right?

What do you think makes my your blog irresistible?

 

 

~ by Lorna's Voice on October 28, 2014.

16 Responses to “Just the Facts, Ma’am, not the Fear”

  1. YAY … I’ll get the to you soon. ~~~~ : – )

  2. FYI … My wife got the free download and is currently reading your book (which I didn’t know she was doing) … of which she says she’s enjoying!

  3. Well, time to get crackin’!

  4. Yes! I would love to! Give me your questions and I’ll answer them pronto!

  5. I’ve become a bit leery about viewing the news now-a-days. It’s as if fear must be in every story. The repetition creates panic. Sad that news creativity has been lost and all are reporting the same shocking stories. Thanks for bringing a bit of humor into the news world. 😊
    Izzy
    p.s. would you like to give me an interview for your new book? It will be in 2 weeks. I hope by then things lighten up on your end and mine. Thanks !!!
    😳

  6. Loved your additional stories. The Toledo Tootsies?

    What’s irresistible about my blog? … LOL … now there’s something I’ve never pondered.

  7. I know! On top of all the things I have to do in my life right now, I have to be an ace journalist. Sheesh! 😉

  8. What I want to know is why the bigwig journalists are ignoring all these important stories for things like Ebola? What would we do without you to keep us informed, Lorna?

  9. Here! Here! The media just wants to scare us and distract us from paying attention to things that we should really be paying attention to. We have a real epidemic of poverty, violence, other preventable diseases (as you mentioned),… But Ebola is so darned made-for-Hollywood-scary. Most people don’t even know how it’s spread but man, oh, man, they’re taking all kinds of precautions!

  10. The even sadder thing is that I’m sure the critter has many other fine qualities, but people just have to focus on his/her abnormally large feet. 😉 If all hairy people who chose to live in the woods with size 14+ feet are now considered aliens, we have a new group to discriminate against!

  11. Thanks, Peter. You’re so right. The media would much rather cover a major disaster than one death–unless it was of a celebrity or someone dying of something that could cause a major disaster! ARG!

  12. Alas, Lassie didn’t qualify for the Actor’s union. They were so prejudiced back then! 😉

  13. “More people die waiting for the cable guy?” Classic! You sure brought back some memories with the Lassie picture. Timmy fell into more wells and got lost in more caves than any boy ever. If Lassie had a decent agent, she would have had a contract that paid her triple for doing the same rescue twice.

  14. I tend to agree with you. I always think of a headline like, “He would have died of cancer if he wasn’t killed in a rail accident first” and wonder how people like to cram bad news and anxiety into their conversations. As always, a good point well made

  15. The sad thing on Bigfoot is that people believe it all…. with all this modern technology today and still he cannot be found.. maybe he is a changling.. however you started my day off with a smile…..

  16. Yep… the dreaded Ebola, (sick and freaking tired of hearing about it) yet 1 000 000 die from malaria each and every year and it is hardly news worthy (about 2740 per day) .. Cancer killing about 1 500 people per day (in the USA alone)… of the 9 people treated for Ebola in the USA, only one has died and we crap our pants about that.??? Where the hell has our thinking gone..?? Is Ebola really worthy of the media attention its getting..??? Come to Africa, look in the hospitals at the 100 s dying from malaria, go to the cancer wards and see the 100 s of bald children in Gods waiting room… then come back and tell me to crap my pants about Ebola… eat monkeys or bats and die from the consequences… be bitten by a mosquito and die from the drinking of your blood… or just sit quietly and let the cells of your body eat you from the inside until you die… enough of Ebola I say… enough… pay more attention to the diseases that really matter…

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: