Out of Left Field…

What? I have to get my car registered at the DMV?

What? I have to get my car registered at the DMV?

I don’t know about you, but I have certain expectations (based on years of experience) when I go to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles).

You may call it something different where you live, like “The Land That Time Forgot” or “Hell House.”
Gives you that feeling that good, productive things will happen inside, doesn't it?

Gives you that feeling that good, productive things will happen inside, doesn’t it?

Here are my expectations about the DMV:
1. I will not have the proper paperwork and/or signatures even though I called ahead to make sure I procured the proper paperwork and signatures.
2. The lines will resemble people waiting to buy tickets to a Justin Bieber concert, only with way more men and old people.
3. The employees will treat you, at best, with mild disinterest and, at worst with open hostility.
4. The employees work at only one speed and that speed is not what most people would define as “efficient.”
Well, I had to go to the DMV the other day and I was, as usual, in a bit of a hurry.
Much to my surprise, most of my expectations were dashed. I think I was even sexually harassed.
Was I or wasn't I? It's a fine line between friendly banter between a smarmy public servant and an innocent, hurried patron and downright inappropriate behavior.

Was I or wasn’t I? Was it friendly banter from a smarmy public servant to an innocent, hurried patron or blatant unprofessional behavior?

Let me explain.
1. It was a close call, but I did have all the required paperwork. The Help Desk woman was new to the job and told me I needed a signature (not mine), but she turned out to be wrong.
2. The lines were long, but more because families were all waiting together rather than single individuals each having to make their own transaction. So the lines moved quickly.
3. Here’s where it gets interesting. The employee whose window I was called to was probably in his late 40’s or early 50’s, but he looked older. Life or his wife hadn’t been kind to him.
He seemed genuinely happy to see me. I had watched him greet and handle other customers and he wasn’t nearly as cheerful or chatty as he was with me. He was Typical DMV Guy with the others. He was Trying-To-Be-Cool DMV Guy with me.
All this chatting me up slowed him down. Remember, I was in a hurry. But I was nice because the last thing you ever want to do is get a DMV dude miffed at you. He/She can ruin your day in a New York minute.
Hey, good lookin'. I'm the man who can make all your troubles disappear.

Hey, good lookin’. I’m the man who can make all your troubles disappear.

I was getting a little uncomfortable with all the friendliness going on and was happy there was a counter between us. Maybe if he hadn’t had old acne scars on his face, wore glasses circa 1980, and had the comb-over thing going on with his hair…No, I still would have felt weird. No one picks up anyone at the DMV–except if you are actually picking someone up to take them somewhere else in a motor vehicle.
The kicker came when he delayed photocopying a document to tell me a “dumb blonde” joke.
Note to guys who want to impress blonde women: don’t tell them dumb blonde jokes.
Here’s the joke. It took a while to tell. I’m giving you the abbreviated version.
A blonde goes to the beauty parlor wearing a Walkman with headphones (circa 1980’s joke, too). The hairdresser told her to take the headphones off so she could cut her hair. The blonde did, but after about five minutes she passed out. By the time an ambulance arrived she was dead. An EMT picked up the headphones to put with her other personal effects and could hear the Walkman still playing. He put it to his ear and heard, “Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.”
I smiled and looked behind me. The line was getting pretty long.
I asked him how much I owed. He wouldn’t tell me until did a little more flirting. Finally he let me pay and I escaped.
Yeah. I was happy to pay for the privilege of leaving. Next time I go, I’m taking some muscle with me.
Excellent idea! I get tired of running around doing all my errands.

Excellent idea! I get tired of running around doing all my errands. By the way, that fur is fake. Everything else is totally real.

Is it just me or does shizzle like this happen to other people? Please tell me it’s not just me…

~ by Lorna's Voice on April 16, 2014.

37 Responses to “Out of Left Field…”

  1. I’m usually not worried about being overwhelmed with friendless either in that department!

  2. This was an unusual experience in so many ways!

  3. No argument here!

  4. Go ahead and share! Isn’t that what blogging is all about? 🙂

  5. Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my zynga group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.

    Please let me know. Cheers

  6. Right, I try and be sympathetic as you know, but he was just weird

  7. This is so true of all BMV’s, everywhere I have lived, disinterested, cranky clerks, I have to jump through hoops and yes, sometimes I have the material correct, but no smiles in return for my accuracy! Smiles, Robin

  8. In NV we can do almost everything online…except when they need to update our god-awful photos. Of course, now that I’m 70, that could change. Somehow I’m not worried about over-friendliness.

  9. No. No one does! :~)

  10. I’ll say!

  11. I must have self-esteem issues STILL, because that never crossed my mind! 😐

  12. Yup. I try to do as much as I can via the internet or mail, but this had to be done in person. I really don’t want to ever go there again!

  13. Same here. I don’t know if it’s the job that does it to the people or that certain people are attracted to those types of jobs…

  14. Well, that’s a great way to look at it. Thanks!

  15. Who knows! It was just an odd ball experience for the DMV…

  16. It’s your mystical charms showing. Those glasses weren’t just any goggles, Lorna. Or he could just be a regular bad flirt.

  17. Isn’t it nice to know you’ve still got it? No matter if you’re attracting old guys stuck in the ’80s, it’s better than nothing…huh? It’s a miracle he wanted to be friendly at all As someone who works with the public I totally get why people who work with the public are so crabby. A person is smart, but the public is stupid; that’s hard to deal with.

    Cheers to you and your hotness, and congratulations on getting an old guy’s engine revving!

  18. These lines resemble social security lines here,, only difference here is, ‘they are all zombies, brain dead machines. 😉

  19. Sadly, the DMV is our government at work…disinterested, inefficient and everything they do is slower than molasses. And then there’s 80s dude taking up precious time to flirt with a disinterested patron which makes it even creepier to go there.

  20. I know I shouldn’t but I laughed at the joke.

    Yes, I still find DMV man in places too. Sometimes, I’m relieved, “Hey, I’ve still got it”. Mostly, I get superior, “How can someone like him think he’s got a chance with someone like me?”

  21. You always do! 😀

  22. Good thing you weren’t there to take a driving test with this fellow… :O

  23. Yeah. They are mostly like robots–going though the motions…I could never work there.

  24. Her loss. 😉

  25. Glad I made you laugh! 🙂

  26. That sounds so much more civilized. We have the chance to do many things via mail or internet, too. But sometimes we simply have to go in person…

  27. That’s usually my experience–rude people or those that act like robots. Was it maybe a full moon? I was truly taken aback by this man.

  28. Thank you! I needed to hear that! 😉

  29. U R not alone.

  30. There is no way that would happen to me. Kept waiting, suffering rudeness,being messed about, incited to do murder, and driven to uttering insults and threats – oh, yes, all of those.

  31. Thankfully we don’t really have to do this in England. We only have to renew our driving licenses about every 10 years I think (that’s how infrequent it is, I can’t even remember) and even then we do it by post, and we don’t have to renew our plates either. So aside from when we take our initial drivers test, we really don’t have to visit there at all. So we don’t get the opportunity to get hit on by weird guys behind the counter like you folks do.

  32. love that first pic! hahahaha

  33. I thought of that as soon as I hit “reply” but I knew I could rely on you to be a gentleman. Thank you.

  34. That one is just too easy, Peg….I’m taking the high road.

  35. Must admit I always expect the experience at the DMV to be less than stellar. So it’s a pleasant surprise when it doesn’t totally stink. It’s not that the employees are that incompetent, although they can be. It’s just that they always, ALWAYS make it clear that they couldn’t care less.

  36. Your clue that it might not have been personal should have been when she also asked if you wanted to be an organ donor.

  37. Nope. Never had a DMV dude hit on me. I did have a DMV chick ask for my phone number, but she never called.

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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