Yeah, I'm still here. Keep talking. I'm listening.

Yeah, I’m still here. Keep talking. I’m listening.

Here’s the dirt  dope  scoop  skinny  totally trivial dealio.

I was perusing my junk mail yesterday.

Do you mean to tell me...? Oh, never mind. I've seen and heard a lot of stupid things in my life, but are you trying to make me trow something at you?

Do you mean to tell me…? Oh, never mind. I’ve seen and heard a lot of stupid things in my life, but are you trying to make me throw something at you?

Okay. Stop your Judge Judy attitude right now.

I know I have better things to do. But when you’re on hydrocodone and weak from not eating, editing your novel is not the best use your time. Heck Fire! I’m not even supposed to operate heavy equipment. My head sure feels heavy.

But I figured a quick blog post couldn’t do too much damage. And what I found in my Junk email box was just too good to keep to myself. Plus blogging is a way I procrastinate when I just don’t feel up to being seriously book brilliant–as opposed to being seriously blog bonkers.

So, anyway, back to Spammer Sara…or as I like to call her, SpamSara.

Among the plethora (lots) of other messages about facial hair removal, getting my male groove thang going, and offers to save long-lost and random relatives around the world by sending a mere $300, I had FOUR (4) messages from a nice sounding, real sounding person-spammer (or perspammer) named Sara.

Here's what I imagine my gal SpamSara to look like. Sweet, huh?

Here’s what I imagine my gal SpamSara to look like. Sweet, huh?

On the message line, SpamSara wrote:

*Jan. 26: “You have a new message from Sara.” Aw. It’s just like when Meg Ryan got those great emails from Tom Hanks in “You’ve got Mail.” I’m telling you. It was hard to resist finding out about what my “new message” was.

Another message! What could it be? Should I read it? Oh the mystery of it is making my life seem so much more exciting than it was before.

Be still my heart! Another new message! What could it be? Should I read it? Oh the mystery of it is making my life seem so much more exciting than it was before.

 

*Later that same day from the lovely-sounding and intriguing SpamSara: “See my nude photo.” Okay. Kinda glad I resisted the urge to find out what SpamSara wanted to tell me before.

*Jan. 28: (Still from SpamSara) “Private Message from Amber.” So maybe she’s thinking that I’m into three-ways–and I’m not talking about a conference call, People.

Now I'm thinking SpamSara looks more like this.

Now I’m thinking SpamSara looks more like this.

Feb. 1: (Again from SpamSara, who, you have to admit, is persistent when it comes to looking for BFFs) “Amber wants you to contact her.” Wow! Sara and Amber really want me as a BFF. But why is she using Amber to get to me? Maybe she’s re-thinking that nude photo message. You shouldn’t rush things when trying to establish a BFF relationship. Lesson learned, eh, SpamSara?

Should I take a chance on SpamSara? It’s nice to be such an ardent fan of a seemingly pleasant perspammer (well, except for the nude photo thing). Did you know that Sara means princess? Shouldn’t I be able to trust a perspammer with a name like that? But Amber means fossilized tree resin or the color orange/red. I sense a sticky situation or two with her.

So, I’m asking you.

Thanks for your help. Someone as drugged up, in pain and calorie-deprived as me needs all the help she can get!