Oh, how I've missed you!

Helloooo! Are you still out there? Oh, how I’ve missed you!

I bet you’re thinking, “That OCD conscientious Lorna must be almost finished with her final edits on that novel I can’t wait to read.”

Don’t waste your money on the lottery. I’ve got 3 chapters edited.

I ran into some, er, um, ah, more health perplexa-problems.

Either:

*My gall bladder is history.

*I get to add Chron’s/Crohn’s Disease or Chronic Misspelling of Diseases I Really Don’t Want to Have to my Magical Mystery Tour of health issues.

*My intestines (upper/lower, you pick) have a blockage that needs Draino or something,

*I have Lesions or Legions of Something causing so much abdominal pain that I’ve given up on eating.

On the plus-side, I’m not a “plus-size” gal. Far from it.

On the minus side, people keep telling me that I look like I’m sick.. If I’m going to be thin, I want to be ravishing, not repulsive.

Oh, just leave her, Big Guy. She doesn't have enough meat on her bone to make it worth your while.

Oh, just leave her, Big Guy. She doesn’t have enough meat on her bones to make it worth your while.

2 1/2 weeks of tests and no one knows what’s wrong with me. Of course, one could argue that 56 years of tests and no one can explain me, either…

But what does this have to do with blogging ethics?

Heck if I know! I forgot.

Oh yeah.

I figured that there is some kind of implicit social contract we (us?) bloggers make when we bond with each other. We’re bonded, right?

It may not always be pretty, but we're connected. I know it.

It may not always be pretty, but we’re connected. I know it.

So I looked to see if there was a formal set of ethical obligations we have and if I was violating any of them by probably dying or something.

Of course there is. The following comes from Wikipedia, so you know it’s true.

“According to the New York Times, O’Reilly and Jimmy Wales based their preliminary list on one developed by the BlogHer women’s blogging support network and, working with others, came up with a list of seven proposed ideas:

  1. Take responsibility not just for your own words, but for the comments you allow on your blog.
  2. Label your tolerance level for abusive comments.
  3. Consider eliminating anonymous comments.
  4. Don’t feed the trolls.
  5. Take the conversation offline, and talk directly, or find an intermediary who can do so.
  6. If you know someone who is behaving badly, tell them so.
  7. Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say in person.

The general reaction was that bloggers hated them. Either that means that bloggers are not too fond of ethics or of rules. It’s hard to tell which sometimes.

I’ll just share my impression of each of them and add a few of my own.

First, I think seven is too convenient a number. It’s a mystical number and infers some ineffable and uninalterable power–like you should never mess with words in the English language. Only bad juju will result. 7 days in a week (unless you’re a workaholic or mother and can squeeze 8 days in), seven deadly sins, 7 colors in a rainbow, 7 notes on the musical scale, 7 movies with 6 sequels (totaling 7 movies: James Bond, Police Academy, Star Trek, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Harry Potter).

This is a top-shelf blog, People. I do my research,

Ready for my next assignment!

Ready for my next assignment, Boss! Can I do a piece on child labor?

My Take on Their Rules:

1. Taking Responsibility: I take responsibility for my words–especially the ones I make up. But that word “allow” gives me the heebeejeebees. Free speech, blah, blah, blah. I suppose if someone put up a filthy-mouthed (fingered) comment on this G-rated blog, I would have to tell them I was taking it down because Scrappy reads my blog and, while his hearing is starting to go, his eyes are still pretty sharp. Since my version of swearing is “Golly Gee Willikers,” the ole Scrappy Doodles just couldn’t cope.

2. Snarkiness Standards: I’m a Buddhist. You know that. I live by the credo of kindness. That’s my standard. You’ve been notified.

3. Blogger’s Anonymous: When your avatar is a cartoon or gerbil, I’m assuming a cartoon or gerbil didn’t make the comment. I would have to eliminate most of my “anonymous” comments. That’s just silly.

4. Trolls Under the Blog Bridge: Trolls are not kind. They stir up trouble for the sake of trouble. But they must be troubled souls to find this kind of unwholesome behavior rewarding. Treat them with compassionate silence. Maybe that’s what the rule meant. See how this Buddhism thing works?

5. Conversing Offline: I find that, sometimes, personal exchanges between bloggers provide me with valuable intel. Okay, not if they’re arranging a date; but if they’re sharing tips on book marketing or stuff like that, dish it up! I think bloggers are savvy enough to know when to chat out of public view. Do we need a rule that says, “Get a room!”?

6. Confrontation:No can do. I’ll walk away and speak with my silence. Confrontation gives me a huge pain in my abdomen. Hey. Wait…

7. Speak Your Truth Always: I agree, although, I’m so much funnier online than I am in person. I wish I could come up with this shizzle at a party.

My Additional Rules:

8. Be Yourself. Your authentic voice is the one that people will be drawn to. If you try to be someone other than who you are, you’ll end up like every character in those formulaic relationship movies in the interminable screwed-up middle before the predictable happy ending. Nothing goes well. (NOTE: This is note contradictory to Rule 7. I’m a witty gal, but more so in writing. My brain work better when it has time to think..)

And then my car got towed when I was in jail over night because my best friend left me at this bar where I got totally wasted and make a jerk of myself infront of this sweet girl I was trying to meet from work. So I just got fired and my landlord kicked me out and I burned my mouth on my last Hot Pocket.

And then my car got towed when I was in jail over night because my best friend left me at this bar where I got totally wasted and make a jerk of myself in front of Jennifer Aniston. So I just got fired and my landlord kicked me out and I just burned my mouth on my last Hot Pocket. before the turned the electricity off.

9. Final Arrangements: Have a graceful exit strategy so you don’t leave your blogger buddies wondering if you dumped them or you got bumped off.

More on this in the next post…if there is a next post.

Dr, House isn't available, but I'm optimistic that I'll live. I just keep thinking that there is sequel to my memoir in the making...

Dr, House isn’t available, but I’m optimistic that I’ll live. I just keep thinking that there is sequel to my memoir in the making…