We sure have a lot of bloggers here at WordPress. I wish they'd hire more of us Monkeys.

We sure have a lot of bloggers here at WordPress. I wish they’d hire more of us Helper Monkeys.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for me.

How nice.

I noticed that my “most read” posts in 2013 were all from 2011 and 2012. Have I become as “has been” before I ever became a “was?”

I sort of feel like Earring Magic Ken. Yup. He was pulled off the market quicker than most people can say, "I don't have anything against gays. but there's just something not right about that Barbie's boyfriend wearing an earring."

I sort of feel like Earring Magic Ken. Yup. He was pulled off the market quicker than most people can say, “Is it me or is something just not right about Barbie’s new boyfriend wearing an earring?”

Well, People, I’ll just have to up my game for 2014. I’ve got some wind-ding-along ideas to bedoozle you.

Now you know my secret. I get my best silly ideas when I'm very relaxed. And nothing says "relaxed" more than kitty claws kneading those sore muscles.

Now you know my secret. I get my best silly ideas when I’m very relaxed. And nothing says “relaxed” more than razor-sharp kitty claws kneading those sore muscles.

I finished the first draft of my novel and now I’m making it less drafty.

I'm not going to lie to you. I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.

When that’s finished, I’ll be back to bedoozzle you with my witterific posts, zantastic pictures and snickgigglerous captions. Bet you can’t wait.

Let's make 2014 the Year of the Giggle!

Let’s make 2014 the Year of the Giggle!

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 25,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Or not. I know you’re busy trying to forget your New Year’s resolutions.

Let’s just say that this blog is the place to go for people:

*looking for what the phrase “to be honest with you” means. Honestly, I wish I knew.

*women with buzz cuts. Don’t ask.

*how to shower your cockatoo. Good luck with that.

People from about 140 different countries have read my blog. Wow. I could use my power for world peace rather than confusification.

Finally, I want to thank all my wonderful followers. Even if you stumbumbled here by mistake, you rock! I know lots of you actually keep coming back for more. That blows my mind. Paulette, Gerry, Al, Izzy, and Rob are real gluttons for my kind of punishment. You should check them out if you don’t already know these awesome bloggers.

I’ll try not to be gone for too much longer. My marketing company Readem N. Weap Ink, Inc. is putting a lot of pressure on me to get this novel on the shelves–yours, not just mine.

Hey, Lorna! I ain't gettin' rich from that, whatcha callit, memeroir you wrote. So I better see some real action from that next thing you been workin' on. Capisce?

Hey, Lorna! I ain’t gettin’ rich from that, whatcha callit, memeroir you wrote. So I better see some real action from that next ting you been workin’ on. capisce?