I'm thinking. Don't tell me yet.

I’m thinking. Don’t tell me yet.

That’s a real head-scratcher, huh?

But there’s a connection. There has to be. I’m not ding-dippy-donged enough to make this up on my own.

To find the link, go to one of my favorite fact-checking web sites, snopes.com.

Yup. these are all listed (among others) as today’s top 25 urban legends zipping around the main source of info for way too many “informed” people: the Internet.

Well, I don't get all my information from the Internet...

Well, I don’t get all my information from the Internet…

One quarter of these urban legends–that’s 1 in 4 for you mathophobes–were unglued but tattooed cyber-rumors like:

“Obamacare law requires an RFID (radio frequency ID) chip implanted in all of us. Are you ready to have your RFID Chip Implanted? 3/23/2013 is your date!” Um, not unless we all got bit parts in The Matrix, Quatro, Dude.

And we were worried about our cell phone data...

And we were worried about our cell phone data…

But let’s move on to something other than the misinformation about the Affordable Health Care Act.

“President Barack Obama held a press conference to announce that he is declaring the month of November ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’.” Not true, but why not? I’ll tell you why not. November is already the month to celebrate: Aviation, Child Safety, Drums, Adoption, Epilepsy, Model Railroads, Novel Writing, Native Americans, Peanut Butter Lovers, Real Jewelry, and Sleep Comfort. Muslims would just get lost in the fray, which they probably wouldn’t mind. But the rumor is still false.

“Water that has been boiled in a microwave oven (then cooled) is harmful to plants.” I guess that means microwave water can kill us, too, right? Wrong! But I do know that if you water a plant and then put it in the micro wave on high for, like, 5 minutes, you are committing vegicide.

Senator Sheldon R. Songstad, Ret. of South Dakota State published a memo and video titled “Emergency Fema Region 3 Alert!!!,” He believes “…the government obviously believes something big is coming.” Region three includes, DC, DE, MD, PA, VA, WV. The preparations listed include; Nine-week training course for UN Peacekeepers to learn Urban Warfare, English, and US weapons systems 386,000 troops to be completed by October 1st; $11 million in antibiotics to be delivered to FEMA region III by October 1st ordered by CDC; FEMA purchase orders for over $14.2 million for heater meals and 22 million pouch of water to be delivered to Region III by October 1st. Hmmm. This sounds to me like another rock concert on the mall is being planned. Probably a Lady Gaga versus Madonna duel. Where can I by tickets?

Bring in the troops! Madonna is armed and she aiming at Lady Gaga in some kind of unrecognizable get-up. It's like a Twilight Zone version of a USO show.

Bring in the troops! Madonna is armed and she aiming at Lady Gaga in some kind of unrecognizable get-up. It’s like a Twilight Zone version of a USO show.

“Attention Sisters!!! 56 girls died because of using whisper, stayfree, etc. One Single pad for the whole day because of the chemical used in Ultra Napkins. Which converts liquid into gel. It causes cancer in bladder & uterus. So please try to use cotton made pads and if you are using ultra pads, Please change that with in 5 hours, per day, at least. If the time is prolonged the blood becomes green & the fungus formed gets inside the uterus & body.” Attention Sisters! This warning comes from India where medical research and grammar are in the same basic league. My guess: if you have anything stuck in your crotch for any length of time when it’s 130 degrees with 150% humidity, you’re going to feel like a crap basket and it’s going to be nasty. But not cancer-nasty.

“Fox News classified satire by FCC written by Sarah Wood. States that Fox News will now have to run a disclaimer across the bottom of the screen stating ‘This is not a valid new source’.” It’s about time. Hurrah! What? No! Really? Shizzle squared. This one is false, too. Total wishful thinking. Good try, though, Sarah Wood. I like your chutzpah.

Are we sure this isn’t a comedy skit?

“Hollywood Breaking News – Chinese Celebrity Superstar “Jackie Chan” died after perfecting a deadly stunt. Jackie Chan has fallen 12 stories high from a building. FBI are currently investigating to detect if any foul play was involved.” SNAP! The joke is on us. The truly perfect stunt is when he returns from “the dead” to make yet another movie in which he takes on Navy Seals from his wheel chair in the nursing home…and kicks their awesome buffed butts while rolling around the recreation room and using other residents’ walkers and canes in his Chanarific acrobatics.

Surprise! I look pretty good for a dead guy, huh?

Surprise! I look pretty good for a dead guy, huh?

In this world where information is coming at you constantly from so many sources, you have to be careful about what is fact and what is fiction.

Snopes is a great place to help you check, such as, whether Senator Dianne Feinstein really said that “All vets are mentally ill and the government should prevent them from owning firearms.”

Why would she say a thing like that? My vet seems perfectly normal. He takes great care of Scrappy. I mean, really…I’m sure he can be trusted with a gun.

Hey, I'd want some protection if an angry cat had me in its sights.

Hey, I’d want some protection if an angry cat had me in its sights.

And if you’re ever unsure who to trust, you can always trust me. I’m a straight-shooter. I don’t own a gun, though. Which is, believe me, a really good thing. Not even a nerf gun.

Scrappy is my protector. It's a hard job, so I give him lots of breaks.

Scrappy is my protector. It’s a hard job, so I give him lots of breaks.