So this is how memories are made…

What? My request is a simple one. Why do you look so...so dumbstruck?

What? My request is a simple one. Why do you look so…so dumbstruck?

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in advertising, unless you count the time when the top button on my blouse somehow came undone. I’ll admit, it was an effective campaign, but not one that was either unprecedented in professional affairs attire or intentional. I think to be a geniusoid in the ad business, originality and conscious thought are important skills.

End of Disclaimer.

The other day I received a catalog in the mail. This is not, in and of itself, blogworthy. I’ve been inundated with email and regular mail offers from all kinds of stores since we reached the “Official Holiday Season,” which began on or about January 1.

But this one catalog caught my eye. It was for high-end cutlery (knives and other sharp stuff for those not familiar with hoity-toity culinary terminology–cooking lingo).

Again, no big deal.

It was the message on the front of this brochure that struck me as odd. Above a shiny, sharp, holy-craperooney-sized machete Β butcher’s knife, was the message: Memories begin here.

I'm not making this stuff up.

I’m not making this stuff up.

Maybe it’s me.

Maybe most people would smile and think, “Yessiree, I need me one of them thar knives. I is gonna make me some home cookin’ my kin’ll remember fer the rest of their days. Them veggies sure would taste good with some roadkill. I think I’ll make me a stew!” (Something about a big badonkadonk cleaver staring at me in the face made me channel a character from Motel Hell.)

Call the kids, Bert. We's having Roadkill Stew made with our fancy new catalog knife.

Call the rug rats, Eugene. We’s havin’ Roadkill Stew made with our fancy new catalog knife.

But you know me by now. I’m not “most people.”

I looked at this catalog and said, “Hmmm. Memories begin with knives?”

“Ah, yes, how could I forget the first time I chopped my thumb off. That’s a memory that’s hard to forget. I remember every time someone gives me a two ‘thumbs up.’ I can’t return the enthusiastic endorsement. And one ‘thumbs up’ twice just isn’t the same. It’s like you’re giving directions not feedback. Try it. You’ll see.”

I'm either counting or pointing. It's clear to me, but not to you.

I’m either counting or pointing. It’s clear to me, but not to you.

“Or, what about the time I used my knife to defend myself when that guy was breaking into my house. Or maybe he was just lost. We’ll never know. Wow! I never knew blood could splatter that much. Getting rid of the body was quite a chore. I used, like, a whole box of Hefty garbage bags. But my knife cleaned up just great and was just as sharp as the day I bought it. I’ll never forget that night, that’s for sure!”

He knows what I'm talking about. He has lots of knife-memories.

He knows what I’m talking about. He has lots of knife-memories.

I understand that knives cut up food and food is important to people. But…Really? Memories begin with knives? Who was the marketing team that came up with that one? And who was the person who thought it was a great idea and said, “Sure! Let’s run with it!”

Is it just me? Did any of you get the same catalog and not think anything of it? Should I get someone to go through my mail for me to prevent future posts like this?

Or is this one of the more epicraziarian ad campaigns you’ve seen in a while? (All sharp-witted, cut-through-the-crap replies encouraged!)

Since this post got a bit blood and gutsy, let’s call it my Happy Halloween post!

Hey, I had ta take dis gig. Scrappy refused ta pose fer any pitchers after da tiara incident. Can ya blame him?

Hey, I had ta take dis gig. Scrappy refused ta pose fer any dress-up pitchers after da tiara incident. Can ya blame him?

~ by Lorna's Voice on October 29, 2013.

31 Responses to “So this is how memories are made…”

  1. And how about fantasies? “Fantasies begin here.” Now that should be their next marketing blitz!

  2. And whose perfect memories DON’T begin with sharp, serrated objects?

    Great Halloween post!

  3. πŸ™‚

  4. Not at all, I think you took a nice twist with your comment.

  5. Thanks Christine! I thought it was a fun twist… πŸ˜‰

  6. πŸ™‚

  7. cheers

  8. Reblogged this on ckbooksblog and commented:
    I thought this would be fun to share on All Hallows Eve! Thanks for the laugh, Lorna!

  9. I was a bit blunt, though, wasn’t I?

  10. Well, I wrote many of the stories on the blog then fleshed them out for the book–so that’s probably why the humor was there. I can be funny when writing “normally,” but it’s so much easier here. And I like what you said about being more comfortable behind a computer screen than in a social setting. That is SO true for me! Kisses and hugs all around…

  11. I was talking to my son about this ad and we agreed that we understood the basic concept of the “Memories start here” slogan, but there should have been people standing at a kitchen island chatting while someone was using one of the knives to chop something. Or maybe people gathered around a table, all using knives to cut something on their plates. But a disembodied cleaver on the cover was just too weird!

    Sorry to hear about your husband’s knife-related accident. I, too, have a big scar from cutting myself–but with a pocket knife… 😐

  12. I knew I could count on you not to be dull! πŸ˜‰

  13. I know the feeling!

  14. Oh my goodness! I hadn’t seen that and it’s, well, shocking. There are some sick marketing people out there.

  15. Hey, Slasher, do you by any chance moonlight as a marketing consultant for companies that sell sharp things?

  16. You, too! πŸ™‚

  17. a scar are too, but a good memory, have a great day

  18. I take grave exception to your opinion on this. Seeing this on the cover page immediately evoked some of the best memories of my life. I smiled as I thought of my encounters with the victims of times past. Oh, how I wish I could relive those heady days. But my parole hearing does come up in a few days. See you soon?

    Yours truly,
    The Slasher
    Cell 10, Attica, NY.

  19. I cannot think they spent much on this ad… probably the lowest of office workers made this up…
    Don’t know If you saw this on FB… http://urlybits.com/2013/06/russian-tampon-commercial/

  20. Love ya girl. I’ve been lost in a sea of life. πŸ™‚

  21. There were a lot of cutting remarks made, here. Made me a bit edgy. They were sharp, though.

  22. Well, knives do produce memories but for me not the pleasant types. Trips to emergency rooms because hubby got to chopping as he cooked dinner and fingers got in the way.

    Liked your usual crazy-fun viewpoint on advertising, as usual. And I hear you about the mailbox getting filled with catalogues which we immediately throw in the recycling bin.

  23. That’s interesting. There was a lot of smart humor in your book as well. Not that it was a humorous book but some of things, the way you commented, tongue in cheek, really worked well. I also write differently than I am in person, especially the prose. I’m much more comfortable behind the computer than at social activities in conversation. At work, I’m extremely comfortable. Odd. Reminds me of something I heard Timothy Leary said in response to “who are you?” his answer, “a different person depending on who’s asking.”

  24. I’m not funny at all (maybe a little) in person. Something happens when I start writing on WP that turns on my inner imp. I’m not even funny when I write using Word. Just WP. It’s really strange. I think the freedom of the blog environment does something to my brain. That, or maybe something metaphysical is going on. I should ask other bloggers if they write differently when blogging… πŸ™‚

    But thanks for the compliment. πŸ˜‰

  25. Oh, Shonnie, don’t feel bad. I had to hone my skills at pun-making for a long time before they were any good! πŸ˜‰ Just glad you stopped by! πŸ™‚

  26. I still have a 2-inch scar on the base of my thumb where I cut myself with my grandfather’s pocket knife when I was a kid. I was trying to whittle sticks, but ended up slicing my thumb. Of course I was unsupervised. They didn’t supervise children back when I was a kid. I guess with three girls, we could lose one and still have enough to call it family. πŸ˜‰

  27. I’m guessing that you agree with my reaction to this ad campaign. πŸ™‚

  28. You didn’t say whether this knife cut through bone or not,, and are you sure it was road kill stew and not Lorna kill stew, aarrgh what knee jerk ooops just broke me leg, I ducked as that thar knife swishes past me head. Dinner mother shouts,, and get up Gerry, stand proud.. crash bang oops there goes me head.. laughing loudly i lost me head… πŸ˜‰ ;(

  29. i almost cut the tops off my fingers when i was six or seven, still have the marks, so i am careful around knives, just wish we were as thoughtful around little kids, it’s a contentious issue for me, the boss doesn’t tolerate it too well. amen

  30. I don’t have any sharp witty combacks. Now, I feel deflated. Thanks Lorna for making me feel Less! 😦 πŸ˜€

  31. I don’t know how you do it, but you’re a genius! … You’ve such a talented gift of humor. Where’d it come from? (rhetorical: but I’d love to hear your answer). xoxo

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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