Darn you,  Navigational System! Let's see you "recalculate" your way out of this one.

Darn you, Navigational System! Let’s see you “recalculate” your way out of this one.

I’m in a bit of a pickle, People.

It seems that there is not enough of me to go around.

That's not exactly what I meant.

That’s not exactly what I meant.

I used to be able to get so much done in a day. Maybe that’s because I had horrible insomnia and I only slept 2 hours a night. I’m glad those days seem to be behind me, but a new issue (I hesitate to call anything a “problem”) has arisen: I’m overwhelmed by my duties.

No one is going to fire me because I am a taker” unemployed retired in the prime of my life.

Why am I retired? Because I can’t handle stress. It makes me more dizzy, panicky, migraine headachy, sick to my stomachy, and generally unable to functiony.

I've tried all kinds of things to calm my brain, some more cumbersome and, well, unsightly, than others.

I’ve tried all kinds of things to calm my brain,–some strategies more cumbersome and, well, complicated, than others.

So my solution to not getting bored and dumb in my retirement was to become something new and different.

  • I became divorced, which I didn’t plan on, but that worked out okay.
  • I became a condo-liver (that sounds really strange, especially coming from a vegan), which I enjoy because my condo is the perfect size and every room has the nice amenity of being finished–unlike where I lived when I was married.
  • I became a quilt artist, which is great but I kind of forgot how to do it because I haven’t been doing it (see below).
  • I became an author, which is totally awesome and amazingly time-consuming.
  • I became a book promoter, which is totally non-awesome and amazingly time-consuming.
  • I became a blogger, which is a blast and a half and feels like it has a life of its own, complete with a pistol pointed at my head sometimes.
Okay, I admit that my pressures are self-imposed. But that doesn't make them any less real.

Okay, I admit that my pressures are self-imposed. But that doesn’t make them any less real.

It’s the blogger/author dichotomy that’s getting my stressometer revved up. You see, I’m trying to promote my memoir, write my new novel, and keep up with my blog.

I can’t do it.

Here’s what I saw when I opened my email a couple of hours ago.

Notice the number of unread emails. This is after I have deleted or handled all of the non-WordPress post-related notices.

Notice the number of unread emails. This is after I had deleted or handled all the non-WordPress post-related notices. Can’t quite read it? 84 posts to read.

Reading and responding to 84 posts takes me many hours. You know me, People. I leave comments. I rarely leave a “like” and move on. And I comment on your comments, don’t I? All this chatting takes time, especially given my typing disability (I make tyops all the tme–see, I just did it, but didn’t correct it to show you–like a business school drop-out after a wild night of sex, drugs, and rock and roll who has to type–not text–something on a full-sized keyboard while blindfolded).

Miss Avershum, please pull yourself together. I need you to type up that letter to Corporate right away.

Miss Avershum, please pull yourself together. I need you to type up that letter to Corporate right away. And don’t forget your blindfold. You know how I love it when you wear it. I promise not to chase you around the desk this time. Those bruises are still pretty nasty.

If I respond to all these blog posts, I have no time to devote to the book I wrote or to the one I’m writing.

If I ignore these blog posts, can I call myself a blogger? Will anyone respond to a blog post I write? In this bloggy world, reciprocity is the name of the game.

In the past I’ve just announced that I’m taking a break from blogging, because I can’t seem to strike a balance between Blogger Lorna and Author Lorna before I turn into Zombie Lorna. Is that my only option?

Not a good look for me at all. And while I've got your attention, do you know any effective facial hair removal techniques? That's been bothering me, too.

Not a good look for me at all. And while I’ve got your attention, do you know any effective facial hair removal techniques? My chin hairs have been bothering me, too.

What would you do if you were in my cushy lounge chair staring at 80+ blog posts to read–all from bloggers you love to read? What do you do?

You can see I really am in a bind and I could use any help you have to offer me.

You can see I really am in a bind and I could use any help you have to offer me.