Facing My Fears, Quite Literally

Don't ya reckon that Lorna should be tendin' ta her business, not watchin' our business?

Don’t ya reckon that Lorna should be tendin’ ta her business, not watchin’ our business?

One of the many teachings in Buddhism is to face your fears rather than hide from them, which is the natural thing I want to do. I’d much rather hole up in my little condo and watch reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies than reach out to strangers to tell them how great my book is and why they should buy it.

But, gosh darn it, the Buddha was right. Facing your fears is the only way to:

  1. get past them
  2. realize there was nothing to be so afraid about

Unless your fear is of a rabid giant mastiff or a perturbed grizzly bear. In cases like that, facing your fear will be the last thing you do before you get reincarnated into a rock or something safer in the next life where you’ll have plenty of time to contemplate the wisdom of your actions next time around.

Shizzle. I thought coming back as a salmon was a good idea. Next time I'm picking something safer. Like an Amish person.

Shizzle. I thought coming back as a salmon was a good idea. Next time I’m picking something safer. Like an Amish person.

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), you know I have many fears. But I am facing down two of them this very week. I can see the Buddha smiling and rubbing his big belly while I grimace and try not to hurl.

What are you laughing at, Buddy, um, I mean Buddha? You do know that men with a lot of belly fat are at higher risk for heart disease, right? You should have died a long time ago.

What are you laughing at, Buddy, um, I mean Buddha? You do know that men with a lot of belly fat are at higher risk for heart disease, right? You should have died a long time ago.

Fear Number One

Remember how I said a really long time ago (and many times since) that I’m afraid of Face Book? Well, yesterday, for the sole purpose of marketing my precious memoir, I created a Face Book account. Yup. I did it. And I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s there and “friends” are popping up like Jiffy Pop popcorn. LinkedIn, too. I thought I’d just as well go for broke.

Yup, just like that, only lots of them and a lot faster. Okay, not just like that...

Yup, just like this, only lots more of them and a lot faster. Okay, not just like this…

I woke up this morning at 3:00 AM and started worrying about whether I should have replied to all the people who accepted my friend requests. What’s the etiquette? I don’t know how to set privacy settings so everything is going to everyone in the world and I’ve discovered that everyone in the world (including me now) has a Face Book account. Well, not my mom.

So, if any of you want to “friend” me on Face Book or link into me (that sounds a little risqué) on LinkedIn, find me by my moniker, “Lorna Lee.” I am only going to share stuff that somehow might help me promote my book, so you won’t learn about anything personal there. That’s what this blog is for.

And just know this:

  1. If it weren’t for my writing career, I would never have done this
  2. I’m still afraid of Face Book

Fear Number Two

The number of this fear is very appropriate for the fear. You’ll understand why in just a bit. On Friday morning, I’m having minor surgery. By Friday afternoon and for the next week, I will very likely describe what took place as major surgery and a huge mistake.

I’ve had this procedure done once before and swore to every deity that might exist that I would NEVER do this again. But here I am, doing it again.

Okay, so I was rusty on the prayer thing and I phoned a few people and vowed never to have this surgery again.

Okay, so I was rusty on the prayer thing and I phoned a few people and vowed never to have this surgery again.

What is “it?” The technical term is “Excisional Hemorrhoidectomy With Complications.” In layman’s terms: my butt is going to be a vortex of pain and suffering, especially when I have to go…you guessed it…Number Two. I have both internal and external hemorrhoids that were removed once but came back to remind me that I’m not a perfect asshole. (It’s shocking to hear such language coming from me, but or butt in this case, it seem appropriate on so many levels.)

Here's a visual for you. Don;t think of this as an alien face, think of this as my butt. You're welcome. You can use this image any time you need help with those snack cravings.

Here’s a visual for you. Don’t think of this as an alien face, think of this as my butt. You’re welcome. You can use this image any time you need help with squelching those snack cravings. Your weight loss efforts will succeed in no time!

Rather than dealing with the constant and growing pain and annoyance of these alien nodules springing from my behind, I decided to endure the pain and suffering of the horrific surgical recovery. I am not a wimp when it comes to pain. I know about the constipating effects of the oxy-bad-stuff drugs they give you. What’s a girl with a cut-up butt to do? Advil isn’t going to dull the feeling of just having been shot in the butt with one of those assault weapons I wish they would ban.

So if you don’t hear much from me around here in the next several days, you’ll know why. Think of Phil. He’ll be hearing lots from me…in the form of wailing and moaning (and not the kind he’s used to, wink, wink).

Ooohh. Ahhhh. Phil, come here. I need another pillow to cushion my aching butt. And don't even think about anything else.

Phil. Ooohh. Ahhhh.  Come quick, Darlin’. I need another pillow to cushion my aching butt. And don’t even think about anything else.

In the end, it all may be worth it. When I get back, I’ll be all scared up, but I will be a more perfect asshole than I am now! Just trying to look on the bright side…

~ by Lorna's Voice on January 30, 2013.

47 Responses to “Facing My Fears, Quite Literally”

  1. When it comes to these kinds of things, I find it’s best not to suffer in silence! 🙂

  2. Lol, you and me both my friend. 🙂

  3. This is a marathon and I’m walking it. I have to. My energy is drained and I need to recharge for the long haul.

  4. Thanks, Paulette! Sorry I didn’t respond sooner. WP’s filter kicked you off into my spam folder. The nerve!

  5. Great! Now I just need to figure out how to effectively use this monstrosity of a social network… 😐

  6. Yep, the request went through. Thank you for friending me! 🙂

  7. I understand. That’s why I didn’t use my last name when I published my book. The mystery remains alive… 😉

  8. Try this direct link: http://www.facebook.com/lorna.lee.7121

    By the way, I finished An Island No More. Wonderful book! Wrote a glowing review on both Amazon and Goodreads. 🙂

  9. Think I got it this time!

  10. Lol, yeah that was an old one I was trying to figure out. I had walked away from it for a while and forgot about it, lol. Try this one:


    And this is my author page:


    I made two to play around with because I guess you can’t friend people with the author page?

    I just found your page, but it won’t let me send you a friend request for some reason.

  11. And do you know how many Lorna Lees are on FB? Which one are you?

  12. Good luck in facing your fears. I’m off to FB to like you and hope you will friend me in return. But I’ll do it from Casey’s page though it may show up as the real me. Because you know I’m a split personality kind of gal.

  13. There were three of you. I picked the one labeled “Author.” Was that the right one?

  14. I’m way behind,too. I hope you find me. I hear that there are lots of Lorna Lees out there. If you can’t find me, give me your “handle” and I’ll search for you. Recovery is taking its toll on my… 😦

  15. Gee – I am really behind. UMMM …. I mean not on top of things. Sorry …!!!
    I hope you have a full recovery with little complications. Any surgery is always a risk even minor surgery. I don’t believe there is any such thing as minor anything when it’s medical. Stay well … and … rest.
    namaste ..
    Izzy xoxo
    p.s. will hop over to FB and add you to my friend list. ~~~~ : – )

  16. Lol, I know what you mean. It’s amazing how many people pop up in the ‘people you might know’ section. I tried to look you up on Facebook, but I had trouble finding you. Lol, try and friend me – I’m under ‘Paige Addams.’ I try to keep it mostly about my writing too, but there are personal bits in there too. 🙂

  17. I have the same photo but I’ll look for you.

  18. Fortunately, I didn’t have any complications of infection. I wish you a pain free and quick recovery.

    Lorna, I went hunting for you on Facebook yesterday and couldn’t find you. I too looked for the same photo that you have on here but perhaps you have a different photo up. If you would like to connect, I’m under Gayle Walters Rose.

  19. Lots of results for you, too. Can you give me something more like what your picture looks like? I didn’t see anyone resembling your picture here.

  20. Good idea. I’ve already put something funny up from another persons blog. And asked a general book-lover’s question. I’ll do more general but not real personal stuff,, too. Thanks!

    Look for my friend request…

  21. Okay, look for my friend request!

  22. Search for Pam Hawley on both. I tried searching for Lorna Lee on Facebook but got so many results I couldn’t find you! I think that the key is to mix a few non-book-related updates into your updates promoting your book. Since you aren’t looking to “get personal,” those could be links to a blog post you found interesting (your own or someone else’s) or just a quick comment on something you’ve read recently. Just enough here and there to keep your connections interested, feeling like they aren’t being book-spammed, and further drawn into wanting to buy your book

  23. I know they’ll give me drugs, but they have that lovely constipating effect. And I can’t drink alcohol. So I’m all out of coping mechanisms… Oh well, if I want things to pass, I can’t take the drugs. I’ll have lots of time to practice my Buddhist lessons on accepting what is without judgment. And pray for Phil.

  24. Oh, you knew that already! And thanks for the well-wishes. I hope the procedure has changed, but hope probably isn’t enough. I’ve got a week of suffering ahead of me–that I know from bitter experience.

  25. Robert William Ainslie, don’t think you’ll find too many of them on FB

  26. How do I find you in both places? I’ll send out an invite so we can connect. And I could use all the pointers I can get for both communities. I joined just to have my book reach as many different hands as possible. But I don’t want to seem like a spam-queen. How do I strike a nice balance?

  27. Oh, that’s too bad. Lots of Lorna Lee’s, eh? What’s your handle? I’ll try to find you.

    Yes, being a perfect a-hole has the same negative connotations here. But I couldn’t resist. I just felt like swearing because this whole week has been a bit too much for highly-sensitive me!

  28. I linked with you! Thanks! As for Twitter, I’m not going there. I can’t. I’m overwhelmed with FB, Goodreads, and life in general right now. I can’t figure anything out. Plus I think my identity just got stolen. Not kidding. When will my life not be fodder for more blog posts? 😐

  29. I’d sue him for cruel and unusual punishment!

    So you know what I’m facing just like I know what I’m facing. It’t the worst recovery in the world (that I’ve been through). Having to poop through the wound AND not get it infected–now there’s a trick!

  30. I’m not getting anywhere near Twitter. 40 characters? I can’t begin a thought with just 40 characters! Friend me on Facebook. I need a friend I actually know! 🙂

  31. Well, at least someone is laughing about my adventure du jour. To add insult to injury, I think I am now a victim of identity theft (not the new movie coming out, but the real deal). Well, I pity the fool who gets to live my life! They can’t handle what life throws at me. They’ll be handing my identity back to me quicker than kidnapper who nabs a raging brat.

    Anyway, I can thank Alex for my hemorrhoids. It was the childbearing or birthing experience that graced me with this “issue.”

  32. It’s a jungle or a jumble or something very confusing out there in social networking land. I’m amazed at all the relatives I seem to have that I never knew about. Friend me on Facebook so we can commiserate together! 😉 I promise I won’t complain about my butt–my FB page is strictly about my book!

  33. Face book is a scary place. I think you have to be under 30 to figure it out… 😐 As for the surgery, well, this, too shall pass (and I hope when “it” does, I don’t scream too loudly)!

  34. What makes you assume you be any sort of pain at all, Al? But thanks for the thought! Actually I’m looking forward to the anesthesia. It will be the first sound rest I’ve had all week. 😐

  35. Good luck with the surgery and recovery, Lorna. Just another in your long line of interesting life experiences.

    I’ll leave you alone during your recovery, after all, you don’t need another pain the a–.

  36. Well done on the “fear facing”. A really difficult thing to do. I hope the Facebook account is great but, more essentially good luck with the operation. Never an easy thing to face whether they are major or minor.

  37. Get well soon Lorna! I’ll pray for your quick recovery.

    And I’m with you on Facebook. I have it for my writing and my massage business, but I’m kind of worried because I have no idea what I’m doing. 🙂 I don’t have LinkedIn or Twitter yet, but I’m working my way up to it. Good luck with your networking! 🙂

  38. Wasn’t there a book once: “Feel the fear and do it anyway”? I think it was by Susan Jeffreys or some such. Don’t. That’s my advice. Particularly when it comes to public speaking.

    I swear this is the first time I have heard you remotely swearing. Wouldn’t wish to be your butt. How does one come by haemorrhoids? Only asking so I can take precautions. As the Buddha will, no doubt, agree: My body is my temple and may no man desecrate it. Not even the Buddha or a surgeon.

    Whilst you are staring down the sharp end of the knife or at least a lance you have, once more, managed to prolong my life by several minutes making me laugh so much in the face of your adversity. It’s a gift, Lorna. You should patent it. And face my fear of public speaking by becoming a stand-up comedian.

    You even managed to make a hitherto inconceivable idea, namely that of ‘re-incarnation’, palatable to me. Can I tick a preference? Not that I know what it is.

    Good luck. Make sure you survive if only to keep your readers entertained.


  39. Wishing you well and fast recovery for the surgery. Paulette

  40. You took the plunge. Now for lotsa success for your book! 🙂

  41. Ouch! Feel better soon.
    And congrats on facing Facebook. My big hang-up was Twitter. Amazing what we’re afraid of.

  42. Facing two fears in a matter of days is almost too much! I commend you for that. I’ve had that minor surgery myself and it does hurt like hell! I had a doctor do it right in his office…so easy but when that numbing shot he gave me wore off, I was miserable. Then after I fully recovered…or so I thought…my doctor said he missed one or he didn’t get it all…so I had to have it over again!! Talk about a pain in the ass…my doctor.

  43. Ouch. Best wishes for The Procedure.

    I’ll link to you on LinkedIn, and we can have lots of fun on Twitter if you decide to get a username there. I prefer tweeting to poking and walling 😉

  44. I rushed over to FB to see if there was a half face depicted there… entered the search criteria Lorna Lee and guess what… there are bloody hundreds of you.. so don’t be upset if you are not friend-ed by me there, as I can’t find the half face… Now as for the No 2.. to attempt to attain the “perfect asshole”… ummmm in this country it is a derogatory term used to describe.. well…. a perfect asshole…
    Good luck with the op and boy I do feel for poor Phil.. his life is probably going to be hell for a while…

  45. Good luck with the surgeries … ow ow ow ow ow!!! And I am a Facebookaholic (although my page is more personal since my book’s not ready for promotion yet …I figure I’ll do an author page when I’m ready) so let me know if you need any pointers. I just joined LinkedIn too.

  46. I am so relieved, Lorna. Now we know you are NOT a perfect A**hole. Best to you in your procedure, and may the pain be less than you expected. Be well.

  47. As a veteran of multiple butt surgeries, Lorna, I feel your pain. It will pass. Hopefully they will give you drugs. If not alcohol works.

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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