I don't know. She seems to be selling it just fine to me.

I don’t know. She seems to be selling it just fine to me.

So there’s this new big scandal swirling around President Obama. Not around his Presidency, but around his Inauguration. Go figure. He couldn’t even go one day without controversy.

The “news” outlets are abuzz about the possibility that the mega diva (is that redundant?), Beyonce, may have lip-synced the most awesomest (I’m pretty sure that’s not just redundant but just plain wrong) rendition of that old and difficult tune we call our “National Anthem.” Some may be calling this Beyonce-Gate. Some may also need their meds adjusted.

In this reporter's opinion, it was totally unprofessional of Beyonce to lip-sync, or even hint at the possibility of lip-syncing our National Anthem on such an important occasion. It really leaves her exposed to all kinds of criticism and jeopardizes her future as a role model for successful influential women. Shame on you, Beyonce. Back to you, Harry.

In this reporter’s opinion, it was totally unprofessional of Beyonce to lip-sync, or even hint at the possibility of lip-syncing, our National Anthem on such an important occasion. It really leaves her exposed to all kinds of criticism and jeopardizes her future as a role model for successful influential women. Shame on you, Beyonce. Back to you, Harry.

Disclaimer: Beyonce did not ask me to write this on her behalf. I’m just doing this out of the kindness of my heart and the fact that I got this idea in the shower.

In defense of lip-syncing as general practice

Yeah, well, it looks as if at least one of you knows the words, but you could be singing "We Are The Champions" and no one would know because of all the cheering.

Yeah, well, it looks as if at least one of you knows the words, but you could be singing “We Are The Champions” and no one would know because of all the cheering.

I’m not one to invoke Biblical arguments, mostly because I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, but I’m going to do it anyway. I mean, we’re talking about matters of national security–the news says so.

Somewhere in the Bible it says something about “Let Ye whoest be not in the leasest guilty castest the firstest stoneth.” Or “Thoseth of youth whoeth lie in glassed hovels shouln’teth throwth things-eth.” Well, you get the picture.

Who among you saying “tisk-tisk” to Beyonce for maybe lip-syncing her recording of the National Anthem hasn’t lip-synced at least once in your life? Oh come on! You’ve probably lip-synced the National Anthem during those parts where the words are tricky and during those crazy high notes. How about standing proud during the singing of your school alma mater or during a hymn at church and just mouthing the words?

Shame on you! Not for doing it–everyone does. Well everyone but the people who want to end up on American Idol or The Voice. Shame on you for thinking Beyonce is less of a superstar for maybe doing it. At least if she was doing it, she was singing to her own voice, not taking credit for the people around her.

In defense of lip-syncing as a media tradition

How many of you remember the very popular game show competition from 1984-1988 called “Puttin on the Hits?” Sheesh, I do, and that was when I was drinking!

The whole point of the show was going on and being the act that was best at lip-syncing and performing the song they selected. Judges would even judge them. These performers practiced pretending for months just to get on the show.

That show inspired a whole generation of lip-syncers. I would practice by watching myself pretend-sing in the mirror, dreaming of the day I could pretend sing in front of an audience. That’s one dream I haven’t achieved…yet. I’ve got my hairbrush ready, but not the audience or the guts.

At countless award shows and even concerts, can’t you tell that the performers didn’t practice pretend-singing in front of their mirrors? I can. I’m an expert at detecting pretend singing.

In defense of lip-syncing because it’s stupid (the debate; lip-syncing, as I have established, is awesome)

Just captured a few minutes ago. Well, maybe more than a few minutes. It took me a while to figure out how to actually capture the darned thing. It's like trapping Osama Bin Laden. Possible but took a lot of figuring out.

I just captured this a few minutes ago. Well, maybe more than a few minutes ago. It took me a while to figure out how to actually capture the darned thing. It’s like  snagging a greased pig. Obviously possible but it takes a lot of determination. Cheering helps.

Would I love to learn that the perfect-in-every-way Beyonce’s halo got tipped a little so I could feel better about average old me?

It would be like seeing her in a swim suit without make-up on the front page of the National Enquirer with all her fat rolls and cellulite and wrinkles. But I suspect that the National Enquirer enhances their photos–as in takes a picture of my great-aunt Ethel, pulls the contrast way down and puts the word “BEYONCE!” next to the picture.

I think the yellow arrows add dramatic effect, don't you?

I think the yellow arrows add dramatic effect, don’t you? Otherwise, I wouldn’t even see the figure flaws that someone on their staff worked so hard to enhance.

But, you know what? I really don’t care. Knocking her down doesn’t lift me up. She’s a beautiful, talented, pitch-perfect singer. Good for her.

I wish the biggest national debate we had to worry about was whether or not she lip-synced her recording of the National Anthem at Barrack Obama’s 2nd Presidential Inauguration.

What’s the worse that could happen to her if she did? She won’t be invited back by him for another one of his Presidential Inaugurations?

What? I won't be asked back for a 3rd Obama Inauguration? Shizzle.

What? I won’t be asked back for a 3rd Obama Inauguration? Shizzle.