Does the very idea of this personal hygiene aide make you speechless. Well, then, welcome to my world.

Does the very idea of this personal hygiene aid, The Shermac, render you speechless? Well, then, welcome to my world.

Except for when I’ve been:

…scared out of my shorts (and the “freeze response” follows the hollow sucking sound of my hopefully not last breath)

….embarrassed by some real or imagined stupid mistake or flattering compliment

….disgusted to the point the juvenile eye-roll

…sleeping (snoring while suffering from nasal congestion does NOT count)

…listening to someone who mistook my open mouth as a sign of amazement and not a failed attempt to speak

…comatose from either too much alcohol, anesthesia, or lecturing

I’ve never been at a loss for something to say. I’m a sociologist, for pity’s sake. We make it our life’s ambition to be long-winded.

My next book.

My next book.

But I’ve spent all day trying to think of a snappy, up-to-my-usual-standards-of-hilariosity post, and, you know what? I couldn’t do it. I got nothing, People.

Over that last few days–and I hope you’ve noticed–I’ve been catching up on reading your posts. You keep coming up with great topics. How the heck do you keep doing it? How the heck did I keep doing it? I did keep doing, didn’t I?

Okay, so maybe "great" is an overstatement. I'm sure a few of my posts could have used some, uh, adjustments.

Okay, so maybe “great” is an overstatement. I’m sure a few of my posts could have used some, uh, adjustments.

Brace yourselves, People. I think I have…GULP…blognesia. Yup. I can’t remember how to write a Lorna’s Voiceworthy post.

Who the heck is Lorna’s Voice, anyway? What did The Voice of Lorna sound like? Did Christina pick me? Tell me it wasn’t that country western dude. Or Cee Lo. I may have blognesia, but I know I’m not into the country western heart-break kid kind of man or humongus blingy guys. At least I don’t think so. Why am I even talking about this? Because I have blognesia that’s why! And I’m not responsible for anything I am saying. Am I saying anything?

I thought not.

I thought not.

Is there a cure for blognesia?

I searched on Google and didn’t even find the word, so my chances for getting information about a cure are looking pretty bad. Maybe after I post this, I’ll find something. Actually that’s not true. There were like 86,000 entries, but none with MY definition of blognesia, so that’s still counts, right? Blognesia is defined on the internet as blogs losing posts or as bloggers forgetting what posts they wrote about. That’s just silly. But I’m still sunk. I can’t even make up an original made up word.

Move over, Mister. You lose.

Move over, Mister Loser. I was here first and  I have size on my side. And size matters, Mister.  Take your definition, I mean butt off of my settee.

Has blognesia ever happened to you?

You probably don’t remember, so never mind.

I think I’m just going to have to wait this one out. On the bright side, I won’t remember why I’m waiting, so I probably won’t feel too stressed about it. Stress makes me feel more dizzy and feeling more dizzy always makes my hair more blonde. Why does that happen? Maybe I can look that up on Google. Hmmm. 6,720,000 hits. I’ll be busy for a while looking up this one.

Hey Baby, riddle me this. Every time I get stressed, like when someone makes me chase my tail, I get dizzy. And then my hair, uh, fur, gets blonder. Why is that? You look like a kid that's got it all together.  Just tell me because my internet skills are doggone lousy.

Hey Baby, riddle me this. Every time I get stressed, like when someone makes me chase my tail, I get dizzy. And then my hair, uh, fur, gets blonder.  See my nose. That’s what I’m talking about. Why is that? You look like a kid that’s got it all together. Just tell me because my internet skills are doggone lousy.

While I’m recuperating…if I recuperate…you might want to pop over to Vanessa’s blog to read a nice interview she did with me about my book. Thankfully she did it before this blognesia hit me. She’s giving away a free copy of my book to a lucky commenter. It’s worth every bit of the freeness.

There are lots of things for free out there. But my book is really worth it. You'd be taking a risk on either of these two...

There are lots of things for free out there. But my book is really worth it. You’d be taking a risk on either of these two…