Do Americans Have Potentate Envy?

Let me repeat, zee male pee-pee parts represents da power. So, ya, women have the pee-pee envy but zoz psycho Americans can have zee potentate envy as well. It all quivite simple.

Let me repeat, zee male pee-pee parts represent da power. So, ya, women have da pee-pee envy but zoz psycho Americans can have zee potentate envy as well. It eez all quivite simple.

Admit it. I have you guessing about what the heck this post is about, don’t I?

Well, don’t blame me. Blame:

  • abysmally ineffective decongestants and cough suppressants that kept me awake last night
  • the person or persons who generously shared their $#@%!~ upper respiratory virus with me–the one my doctor quaintly calls the “100-day cough”
  • the easily distracted network news producers or whomever decides which stories are important enough for us to know half-truths about

I try not to watch the news, but sometimes I get stuck, like when I it’s on and I can’t find the remote. That happens a lot lately.

Well, um, gee, thanks. I guess it will be harder to lose that one. But I am kind of weak right now. Will I be able to pick that thing up?

Well, um, gee, thanks. I guess it will be harder to lose that one. But I am kind of weak right now. Will I be able to pick that thing up?

As a result, I’ve noticed something. Well, it was kind of inevitable that I would notice something, wasn’t it?

Brian Williams faces seems kind of smooshed to one side and NBC news shows seem to have a thing for brunettes. But that’s not what I noticed, although both are kind of curious.

It's not mean whose leaning, is it? It could be me, but I really don't think so.

It’s not me whose leaning to the left, is it? It could be me, but I really don’t think so.

They, and by “they” I mean “not me,” are obsessed with Britain’s Royal Family. I kind of thought the whole point of starting a new country way back when was to get away from British rule. But History was never my favorite subject, so I could be wrong.

Am I the only one who had noticed that Americans seem to be missing that glammy thing only Royals bring to a monarchy that presidents and congress people in our plain old democracy just can’t pull off even on their best days? Why else would we preëmpt regularly scheduled programs (that shut-ins like me depend on for our daily stimulation and reality checks) to broadcast Royal weddings, Jubilees, the shenanigans of a couple of young princes, and now a royal “pregers” (that’s “pregnancy” for those of us who don’t speak the Queen’s English).

They have the best floats in their parades over in England. We just blow up giant balloons. We're such kids...

They have the best floats in their parades over in England. We just blow up giant balloons that are hard to control. We’re such kids…

I understand all the fuss about Diana. I mean she was Diana and got married to that horsey-faced Charles, who never really loved her. Plus, lots of people said I resembled Diana, so the hullabaloo around Diana is totally warranted.

Exhibit A: A young Princess Diana...

Exhibit A: A young Princess Diana…

Exhibit B: A young Lorna. Okay, so it's a crappy picture and I don't have a tiara...yet. But you see the resemblance, right?

Exhibit B: A young Lorna. Okay, so it’s a crappy picture and I don’t have a tiara…yet. But you see the resemblance, right?

But, the Queen? Come on. She’s geriatric. Okay, she wears snappy hats that go with her old-fashioned purses, but she moves as slowly as any 86-year-old rich woman in America. Why is the American press speculating about Charles wanting his “mum” (that’s “mom”) to give up the throne? Is this a matter of foreign policy or gossip? The same with Harry’s partying proclivities. He’s not even in line for the throne…well, maybe the throne, but not THE throne.

He keeps that up, one end of Harry or another will end up on, or in, the throne.

He keeps that up, one end of Harry or another will end up on, or in, the throne.

And then there’s Wills and Kate and the Princess and their unborn baby (not twins, I hear). Kate may officially a Duchess, but in America’s eyes, she’s a Princess. And the poor girl had morning sickness. So she was hospitalized. Do you know what happened when I had puke-my-spleen-out morning sickness? Saltine crackers and ginger ale. And I still had to make it to work on time. What the heck is she going to do with the hemorrhoids? Call in MI5 to flush those insidious terrorists out?

Oh, how could I forget the latest hoopla about Kate’s official portrait “scandal.” Does she look “mature,” “mean,” “or “marvelous?” Forget the assault weapons ban. We need to get this foreign wife of grandson of British Queen portrait matter resolved. And fast!

Not for nothin'. But if Ya wanna talk assault weapons? Here's your case in point. The so called artist otta be shot.

Not for nothin’. But if Ya wanna talk assault weapons? Here’s your case in point. Dis so-called arteest otta be shot.

Why do I even know about this stuff? I’m better informed about the Royal Family than I am about the U.S. Supreme Court.

What do you know about these people?

What do you know about these people? I know Judge Thomas (the one seated on the far right) just broke seven years of silence with three words, which didn’t even form a complete sentence in response to another judge and has never once asked a lawyer a question.

Why is the American Media so fascinated with Britain’s Royal Family, especially given our history of, oh, that little thing called the Revolutionary War? I’d like to know what you think…

Please help me understand. I facing a lot of sleepless nights and my remote is still missing. Do you where to find the buttons to change channels on a flat-screen TV? I think they took them off…

Maybe you had to sit close because the screen was so darned small and you had to fiddle with the reception, but at least you knew how to change the channels.

Maybe you had to sit close because the screen was so darned small and you had to fiddle with the reception all the time, but at least you knew how to change the channels. Look how happy these people are!

~ by Lorna's Voice on January 16, 2013.

32 Responses to “Do Americans Have Potentate Envy?”

  1. You answered my question, Elyse. Thanks! 🙂

  2. I do, too! 🙂

  3. My hubby watches the news. so I sometimes can hear it. If I do watch it’s because I like the way Brian Williams looks so snazzy in his suit. I love a man in a suit. Don’t know why???!!! But , I do. He looks pretty good in his.

  4. In 1973 I went on my very first foreign trip — to London! There while visiting Madame Tusaud’s I heard an adorable 3-4 year old shout “Mummy! There’s Our Queen!” with such pride in his voice. Richard Nixon was my leader at the time. Enough said.

  5. Good to know. Still a bit of a mystery, but good to know that we are not alone!

  6. I think you’re on to something, Peter. We Americans don’t like or trust our leaders. Maybe be follow the Royals because we like them better…

  7. I hear Michelle Obama just got a new hair style. That should keep the press here distracted unless the Royals do something to upstage her new bangs… 😉

  8. Hip hip hurrah and all that rot!

  9. How can we not pay attention to it when it is presented as headline news? 😉 That was a neat picture of me, huh? I was about 21.

  10. Glad you enjoyed the post and share my aversion to pee-pee envy. Freud was way off on that one! I loved Diana, but it seems the news is all agog with the new royals. They cover their goings on more than they do our President and his family!

  11. Oh, they look so happy just as they are. And their posture is perfect. Ah, the good old days… 😉

  12. If anyone would know the answer to that question, it would have been you! You’re my go-to source for everything, Tin! Glad Tiff is enjoying the book!

  13. Good idea! 🙂

  14. Yeah, kind of distracting, huh? Happens to me all the time!

  15. Yes, Diana started it. You’re right. She was the first “looker” to enter that family in centuries! And that’s what Americans are drawn to… 😉

  16. So true! We should be talking about major social issues and the media is a-buzz with a football hero who made up his girlfriend. ARG!

  17. Yeah, I like him. His face is interesting and he is affable–that’s how he gets away with it… 😉

  18. Go for it, mate! 😉

  19. I think I’m going to start using the word mum. Haha 🙂

  20. I’m far more fascinated by Brian Williams’ face and have been for some time. It’s skewed and out of balance but he’s still a fairly attractive man. How does he do that? Does his pleasant voice make the facial crookedness not quite so crooked? I dunno. It bears more thought…
    It sucks to be sick so get well soon, Lorna!

  21. I’ve always wondered about the attraction too, Lorna. Basically, we’re bored and addicted to nonsense… Just turn on the tv and see what’s being offered these days…a whole lot of silliness! It worries me.

  22. Oh yes, how could I not get around to gossiping about the royals. I must slap myself after responding here. Did we even think much of the royals before Diana? I certainly didn’t. Diana drew everybody in and the fact that Charles was marrying a woman so young, I don’t know why that became so attractive when we’re typically repulsed by it otherwise. Interesting.

  23. I knew what I wanted to comment then I saw the George Clooney photo and I forgot! Ha!

  24. We have a granny, and if she follows her mother then we the British have to endure her for another 14 odd years, and if she goes look what will take her place.. I think you Americans should them a make up porch and rocking chairs.. nice read…thank you 😉

  25. The channel controls should be on the side of your set. I am glad you mentioned Diana, you have always been obsessed with her. After you had a tiarra it was understandable. Tiff is loving the book. 🙂

  26. Funny post princess…..uh…..Diana…er….uh….I mean Lorna!

    Just one word for those poor folks watching their little TV……barcolounger!

  27. I don’t even know how to respond to this amazingly entertaining post, Lorna. I know I don’t have pee pee envy. It wouldn’t be polite for me to explain why. I’m not sure what the deal is with royals, cuz I know I’m not really interested in being ruled. So. Can’t help with that one. Get better soon.

  28. Hey your Diana photo is fab 🙂 Morning sickness…. well your other comments cover that, been there done that. The Royals aren’t such a big deal here is Scotland but it’s a strange thing…. I still find myself paying attention to it all.

  29. Who the hell are the royals…. I vote Lorna for future queen… gave up on this lot when they turned their back on us Rhodesians, after their subjects who lived there had helped them win the 2nd WW… bunch of rich fat cats that should try and take the USA back so that they can get their arses kicked…

  30. That’s easy … because they’re so good to gossip about! And yes, you do look like a much sexier Princess Di (does that make you feel better?), and the Queen is a good old stick and Kate and Wills are just divine, and pssst … I haven’t forgotten your sneaking love of Charles (yes, your photo is still propped up on my desk where I look at it and snigger many mornings).

  31. Well, of course, I am British, so the Royal family is a bigger deal here. Despite her age, the queen undertakes a large number of duties with a patient and modest determination which is inspiring in itself. Maybe its the paradoxical lack of attention seeking in her which attracts the attention of the world press. I am an admirer of the William and Kate. Being part of a symbol which is apart from the infighting and intrigue of everyday politics gives warmth and identity to a nation, ( mine ) which needs it as much as any. If other’s want a slice of the action, we are more than happy to share

  32. I know!!! Kate must be the only woman in the whole world ever to have been hopitilised for morning sickness…the rest of us had to throw up in buckets next to our desks…LOL, sorry 🙂

    I don’t think its only the Americans who are obsessed with the Royals…the South Africans are too 🙂

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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