Lorna Dances Her Way Out of 2012

Maybe I'm just not getting invited to the right kinds of parties...

Maybe I’m just not getting invited to the right kinds of parties…

The New Year’s Eve party is another one of those holiday loop-di-loops I prefer to avoid. My luck with these events leans in the bad direction.

I know you. You want evidence. Okay.

Emotional Trauma. I was a teenager and finally allowed to stay up to watch Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve Party. I distinctly remember my younger sister and I with our Chex Party Mix bowl on our laps, picking through the parts we wanted, listening to the countdown to 1970 and hearing my mom barfing in the bathroom. She had a migraine and the walls to the trailer were thin. I felt sorry for her and tend not to gravitate toward the Chex Party Mix at social functions.

10...9....raaalph...8...Eewww...7...bleurgh...6...Hey, Lisa, do want any more of this Chex Mix? I Don't.

10…9….raaalph…8…Eewww…7…bleurgh…6…Hey, Lisa, do want any more of this Chex Mix? I Don’t…2…1…Happy New Year!

Fashion Fiasco. I was old enough to date and actually go out to a New Year’s Eve party with my boyfriend where there was dinner (buffet) and a band (a bunch of drunk guys who played enough instruments loudly enough to satisfy drunken listeners–and you know I was one of them). I couldn’t afford to buy a fancy outfit for the party, but I was a fine seamstress, so I made myself a red satin long-sleeved jump-suite. It was the mid-1970s and all the rage–satin jump-suits, I mean. I thought the color would look good with my blonde hair. Mindful of my figure, I was “good” and just got a salad from the buffet with Italian dressing. As I was making my way back to our table, some guy who had an early start on celebrating bumped into me and smashed my salad against the front upper chestal area of my satin jump-suit. Oil and satin love each other. They were inseparable. My outfit and evening were ruined.

This is an amazing likeness of me and my jumpsuit except: my jumpsuit was long-sleeved, I wasn't standing behind a microphone, and I had a huge Italian Dressing splotch shining where my cleavage should have been shining. Oh, And I wasn't as popular as Faith Hill.

This is an amazing likeness of me and my jumpsuit except: my jumpsuit was long-sleeved, I wasn’t standing behind a microphone, and I had a huge Italian Dressing splotch shining where my cleavage should have been shining. Oh, And I wasn’t as popular as Faith Hill.

Physical Disaster. While married, I took a family cruise to the Hawaiian islands. We planned on a fancy dinner and dancing on the ship for New Years Eve. On that day, we were supposed to go horseback riding on the beach, but that got cancelled. Our Plan B (“B” in this case stands for “Boneheaded”) was a glass-bottom boat tour of the coral reefs. Sounds nice, right? And it probably would have been had it not been for the six-foot waves that tossed the boat for the two hours we were aboard that freaking puke bucket. People offered to pay the guides to let them off early. By people, I mean me and another really sick woman. No deal. By the time they let us off, I a worse case of morning sickness than Kate, Duchess of Cambridge ever thought of having. I had to go to the ship’s doctor, who gave me a shot of something in the butt that had me hobbling to my cabin where I dry-heaved a few more times before sleeping through New Years Eve.

Did we pay extra for all this wave action? I hope we didn't pay extra for this, because it's seriously not working out for me.

Did we pay extra for all this wave action? I hope we didn’t pay extra for this, because it’s seriously not working out for me.

So I like to spend a quiet New Year’s Eve at home, alone, avoiding mental and/or physical trauma. I usually get my way. But not this year. Our family’s annual gift exchange, always scheduled between Christmas and News Years, was scheduled for the 30th, but had to be moved to the 31st. I was supposed to host it, but that got changed, too. My older sister hosted it. No problem. We were all together and that’s what counted.

We have a tradition of writing a poem to summarize the year and sharing it before opening the gifts. When I host, I pick a song that represents my attitude for the year and ask everyone to dance with me to celebrate. Wanna Β see me dance my way out of 2012?

For the record, I had a great time, but this morning I woke up feeling like I had a dance-floor altercation with Bruce Willis. Every joint in my body ached and my hair didn’t look nearly as good as it did in the video. This, too, shall pass…

Roger that! Target in view. Blonde. Black dress. She won't know what hit her. I'll contact you when she's been neutralized.

Roger that! Target in view. Blonde. Black dress. Strutting her stuff like she’s 25, not 55. She won’t know what hit her. I’ll contact you when she’s been neutralized.

~ by Lorna's Voice on January 1, 2013.

31 Responses to “Lorna Dances Her Way Out of 2012”

  1. I keep wondering when my dancing days will be over. I just can’t believe that it will be any time soon… πŸ™‚

    It makes me happy to think of you dance, dance, dancing!

  2. Who hasn’t had a New Year’s eve disaster? They’re the memories we can talk about later. You’ve listed some real good ones here, Lorna. I still go to New Year’s eve parties when I’m not hosting one. I don’t drink much. I’m known as the-one-drink gal. I’ve never seen any reason to over-do. I do dance, dance , dance. My grandmother was 85 and still cutting a rug. I thought she was cool.
    Happy New Year 2013 ….
    Izzy

  3. Hey, you discovered an advantage to aging skin! πŸ™‚

  4. Yeah, I should have been playing “Who Let the Dogs Out?”! πŸ™‚

  5. Thanks, Devina! It seems that my readers like tales of my misadventures the best–at least according to the stats WP gathered.

    I guess if you can’t be a little zany on New Year’s Even, when can you be? πŸ˜‰

  6. Yeah, there is always someone in the kitchen munching! We had fun and hope you did, too! Thanks, Gayle. πŸ™‚

  7. Your family acts like my family does when all we brothers and sisters get together…we’re dancers too and everyone gets into the act. Well, except for maybe that dude in the kitchen…there’s always someone eating in the kitchen… It was great to see this…thanks for sharing, Lorna. And glad your dancing hangover was shortlived. πŸ™‚

  8. I must say, you lead a very interesting life, and nice moves too, all of you! That looked like a full house. Scrappy seemed content just to watch on. You looked fine to me but ‘looked’ might be the operating word … but you had a good time πŸ™‚

    My sisters, our brother, our cousins and I went out on the streets and lit fire crackers … it was, well, explosive! Lol. Driving on the road, left and right for two miles straight there were fire works non stop, it was so beautiful it gave me a migraine.
    I’m looking forward to more of your hilarious good humour and tales of your past and more recent escapades this year πŸ˜€

  9. I may be out of deep doo-doo with you but I’m now in some actual deep doo-doo (see my latest post).

    Yes, you are all good dancer, especially the black lab!!

  10. Have a wonderful year, Lorna. I’m reminded of a New Year’s party when I was 16 or 17. I got chicken pox on Christmas eve and still had a couple of ugly scabs on my cheek so, what was a girl to do. I picked them off for the party and still have the scars to this day…although now they seem to blend in with the wrinkles.

  11. Thanks so much and the same to you!

  12. Bravo, Miss Lorna! I hope you have a smashing 2013!

  13. Well, Al, consider yourself TOTALLY forgiven. You are in deep-doo-doo no more. Thanks! The family resemblance is strong, isn’t it? πŸ™‚ And we all can dance, too!

  14. You’re welcome. (smiles)

  15. Great video…who knew Lorna was also a hoofer among all her many other talents. And for the record, I’d take you over Faith Hill any day of the week! (Yes, I’m still trying to make up for the “favorite follower” gaffe.)

    You have a very lovely family….how amazing that mom and all the sisters look so much alike.

    Also, I’m adding to my list of “things” I’ll never do.” Right next to “going out in lightning storms with Lorna” will be “taking a cruise with Lorna”.

    Good luck with the post New Year’s recovery. Glad to hear the book is coming nigh!

  16. Thanks, Elyse. Yeah the vomiting year wasn’t very fun for anyone–especially my mom. 😦

  17. Thanks so much! I love telling stories about my life. Write what you know, right? πŸ˜‰ Thanks for commenting! πŸ™‚

  18. Thanks. It stays that way for exactly one day and then, poof! It looks like crap the next day. Well, I kind of looked (and felt) like crap the next day, too. And to think, I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol. It was a dancing hangover!

  19. You got that right! πŸ™‚

  20. I’ll be catching up with my reading today, so can’t wait to see you in action, too! πŸ™‚

  21. Oh no! My nephew was sick, but the rest of us either had been through it or have avoided it so far. Hope you’re feeling better soon. πŸ™‚

  22. Yeah, it was fun! And I feel pretty much recovered now… πŸ™‚

  23. I’m all for that! The book should be launched 1/13/13. How’s that for a lucky date? πŸ˜‰

  24. Lets hope this New Year Eve was a little better. I’ve had a few experiences of that nature, but never on NYE. Lets hope your 2013 is a great year for you and your book !

  25. May 2013 bring all your wishes.. and looks like a good start for you. πŸ˜‰ Nice one…

  26. That beat ours, We were both sick…

  27. Ha! How great to see you in a video! You look fabulous, and I loved all the dancing – yours and everyone else’s! See how similar we are, on your blog you had a video of you dancing at your New Year’s Eve party, and on mine I had one of me singing at a New year’s Eve party!

    Happy New Year to you Lorna, hope 2013 is a good’un πŸ™‚

  28. Loved the video! One of the great things about family is that you can just be downright silly with each other πŸ™‚

  29. “Blonde. Black dress. Strutting her stuff like she’s 25, not 55. She won’t know what hit her. I’ll contact you when she’s been neutralized.” Haha. Your hair really does look good xx

  30. Great story! I like how you segued each part. Cool!

  31. A quite New Year’s is the way to go. Less vomit is involved, which is always a good thing!

    Happy New Year, Lorna!

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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