I’m glad I told those people from “Locks for Love” to scram. This hair rope thing is totally going to work and it’s not going to hurt at all when I fall. I’m a blonde and I’ve thought this through.  I look great in lavender, dead or alive.

Once upon a time, two very generous and sweet bloggers nominated me for two very generous and sweet blogging awards.  At the time, I was being held captive in the spire of a castle by some freaky-deaky villain of the Snidely Whiplash meets Cruella DeVille variety (I know. Scary, right?).  Well S/He had me locked in this tower and my only chance of escape was to let my hair grow long enough so I could climb down it, which, because I’m blonde, I thought would work.  Well, guess what?  It didn’t.  You see, my hair is very fine and once it grows past my neck, it gets all split-endy and I have to get it trimmed or I start to look like crap, which, because I’m vain just isn’t going to happen.

See? And what’s worse is that it grows up instead of down, which kind of defeats the whole rope-hair-escape plan.

Plus, I was kind of obsessed with my book and backed off of my blog, blah, blah, blah.  (Note to self: Next book should NOT be a fairy tale because this one kind of sucks so far.)

And I suppose this would be the perfect Tinkerbell in my fairy tale, right? Wait, I’m even mixing up fairy tales. Some one stop me before I do some real damage.

So, Snidely DeVille must have gotten sick of me whining about the view or something and let me out.  Well, the first thing I did after getting a nice hair cut was to check my email and I saw two things that really surprised me:

  1. The notice from Write, Wrong and Everything In Between Reviews that I was nominated for The Beautiful Lipstick Award.
  2. The notice from Musings From a 22 Year Old that I had, once again, been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award, which now has a new decidedly non-green look to it, so I consider it a whole new award.
  3. Several bloggers signed up to follow my blog during the time that I was locked in my ivory tower (did I mention the ivory part?)/working on my memoir.  I wasn’t blogging and they noticed me.  Now, that’s flattering or creepy, but I choose flattering.

Okay, so I noticed three things that surprised me.  My math skills suffered due to isolation and obsessive writing and complaining.

So, if two heads are better than one, and they are both traveling toward each other at the same rate of speed (slowly), but one started before the other (the woman), how long will it take before they get their damn drinks?  I’m no good at these kinds of math problems.

We all know the rules that come with blogging awards.

  1. Gratitude–THANK YOU Write, Wrong and Everything In Between Reviews and Musings From a 22 Year Old for selecting me as one of the bloggers in your community of bloggers who you thought deserved to be recognized.  Really, thank you and please go visit these two fine blogs.  Don’t let the undeniable fact that I am about three months late in acknowledging your generosity and thoughtfulness or the poke-funnery tone of this post diminish my sincere thanks and respect for these bloggers.  It’s just the way I roll after I’ve been cooped up way too long working on my first book.
  2. Sharing the Love–I decided to offer both awards to every blogger that started following my blog after I stopped blogging.  I’ll name them in a moment.  These people either stumbled upon me or were referred to me, but they liked what they saw and…wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!  Maybe they saw I hardly ever post and I would be a great person to follow because I would be hardly any drain on their time by filling up their in boxes with incessant posts.  Ha!  You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourselves into!  Bawhahahaha… (Note to self: Next book should NOT be a book about Sharing the Love because this part doesn’t feel all that loving right now.)  Oh yeah, I have to notify each blogger that I’m awarding them with something great.  That’s important.  It gets people excited and I’m all for that.
  3. Self-Disclosure–I’m supposed to tell the entire world (you know how news spreads) my secrets.  I just did that in my memoir and on the 280+ blog posts I’ve done, but I suppose I have to deliver the goods because people like it when goods are delivered.
  4. MY Rule–When I pass awards around, I like to cut the strings that are attached so that people don’t feel compelled to follow the standard rules.  If you want to play along, great.  But if you’d rather just accept the awards and move on with life, that’s okay by me.  I roll that way, too.  I guess I’m just rolly-polly at heart.

AND

Here are the bloggers who I nominate for BOTH the Versatile Blogger Award and the Beautiful Lipstick Award.  (Note to Readers: the first award is self-explanatory; I really don’t know what the second one is for, so I’m going to make something up. This award is one you would give to someone if you could go up to them and give them a great big kiss just because.  How’s that?)

Marvelous Happenstance

Nine and a Half Hours Ahead

Jessica Sideways

Lightning’s Pen

RumpyDog

Proxvostblog

Eclectic Avenue

Dock Fam Adventures

Evolution of Insanity

Lesley Anne’s Place

Canadian Hiking Photography

Coco J. Ginger Says

Texana’s Kitchen

Jodi Ambrose Author

Iamzion

Auntie B’s Wax

Hot Chocolate and Books

Lipstick and Playdates

Closing Time

Tasty Sweeties

Sometimes Nothing

Adopting James

Vanessa-Jane Chapman

Awardees, be sure to place these placards on your walls of fame!  If you don’t have a wall of fame, get busy creating one.

Now, what would you like to know about me that you don’t know already?

  1. I love puns, especially the gooey cinnamon ones or the kind I see on those people running track and field in the Olympics.  Wowza!  Oh, I did say puns, not buns…
  2. I believe that there’s a right way to load a dishwasher, which means that, yes, people, there’s a wrong way to do it–the way where the detergent and water don’t get to the surfaces of the dishes because they are stacked in such a way that they cover each other up.  Why don’t perfectly smart people (most men, some women, and all teenagers) understand this?
  3. Just because I’m correct about the theory of loading a dishwasher properly, I don’t expect that I always have to unload the dishwasher.
  4. Apparently I don’t understand the difference between self-disclosure and complaining.
  5. I’ve never smoked anything: not cigarettes, pot, crack, or salmon.
  6. I take that back. My step-grandfather let me take a toke on his pipe once and laughed until he almost peed his pants while I coughed and gagged until I almost peed mine.  I was nine years old, hence, #5. I wasn’t supposed to inhale. He “forgot” to tell me.
  7. I don’t know how many times you’ve won the Versatile Blogger’s Award, but I’ve won it twelve (12) times.  Does that seem like a lot?  It seems like a lot to me.  I must be very versatile.  I guess I didn’t know that and you did, so this doesn’t really count but I’m leaving it on the list because I don’t have anything else and 7 seems like a good number to end on.
  8. Apparently I give a lot of thought to the power of numbers.  I wonder if eight is a good number to end on?  I hope so.

And they all lived happily ever after (until the next round of awards, May The Force be with us all).

You know, the end of the fairy tale. I knew I shouldn’t try to write a fairy tale.