Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t going to be great news?

You knew it couldn’t last, right?

You didn’t?

Oh, Shizzle. I’m sorry.

Alright already! Spit it out, Woman. I haven’t got all day. I’m in no mood for being teased more than I’ve been teased already.

Maybe I should explain what I’m talking about. I’ve found that informing the reader is always a good technique to prevent them from trash-talking about you…keep them coming back for more.

I’m not talking about TomKat’s Made-For-Tabloids Marriage.

I’m talking about my triumphant and hyperactive return to the blog-o-sphere. Since I returned, I haven’t even looked at my mirror…memoir. I’ve been busy (and by “busy” I mean spending 8 hours a day catching up on your blogs, commenting, and posting a few things of my own.) Unless the UPS guy comes to the door to deliver an array of back support paraphernalia I’ve ordered so I can pry myself off my chair without too much pain before hobbling to the bathroom to avoid peeing my pants because I’ve ignored my bladder, I haven’t left my computer.

No one wants it to come to this, right? Right?

I take full responsibility for my relapse into Blogmania. I missed you and I have very little impulse control until I feel my bladder control giving way.

Taking a brief break from my book before I edit it was my plan. Just like a mother who gives birth after an extremely long labor, she needs time away from her infant to recuperate before she can think about hiring a nanny. Well, I’m talking about mothers like me.

Oh Dear. Whatever shall I do with this fragile creation now that it is here? I think it best that I worry a while longer. Perhaps it will take care of itself if I just stare at it long and hard enough. I’m very good at that, you know.

I’m ready to return to my memoir as a reader, not a writer. This will take my full attention because I’ve never read anything that I’ve written (maybe you can tell?).

So I’ll be disappearing for a while again. When I return, I’ll be ready to make important decisions about what happens to the book to get it out to the public. Then all (and by “all” I mean “most”) of my secrets will be out. I will probably have to go into the Federal Witness Protection Program (if they still have it) because one of these things will happen:

  1. Certain people will hire a hit on me because they didn’t like how I felt about them and I had the audacity to say so. Out loud. In print.
  2. I will become so wildly popular that the Paparazzi won’t leave me alone–and I need my alone time for my mental and physical health. Scrappy does, too.

I suppose that didn’t require a list, but lists are dramatic and break up the text.

Yes, we can protect you, but you have to follow our rules. #1: no blogging. Remember, this is how you got into this mess in the first place.

Blog on, people! You’ve proven you can live without me (lots of people can, actually). You can do it again.

You know I’ll return–I promised I would the last time and I did. I’m nothing if I’m not a woman of my word. And now it’s time to read the ones I wrote and, hopefully, make them better.

I think it’s a good time for my Writer’s version of the Serenity Prayer:

Brain grant me the smarts
to leave on the page the words I should not change;
the courage to change or delete the words I never should have written;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Emma Jean: The Patron Saint of Little Girls Who Always Knew They Had A Book In Them And Wanted To Wear Glasses To Make Them Look Smarter

I’ll be spending the better part of July reading a book I wrote. What will you be doing?

Well, a gal’s gotta have some diversions. All that reading is hard on the eyes, you know.

~ by Lorna's Voice on July 5, 2012.

20 Responses to “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow”

  1. You’re sweet, A!

  2. Yes that will be really great Lorna
    but I am sure everyone will visit you
    whether you add the snippet or not,
    after all it is you that we come to see
    and whatever you choose to add is
    always wickedly interesting 🙂

    Have a great rest of weekend Lorna 🙂 😉

    Androgoth XXx

  3. Thanks for checking up on me A. I’m busy editing my memoir. It’s taking longer than I anticipated, but I hope to be back in a few weeks.

    I’m still part of Katie’s Seven Deadly Sins competition, so I’ll be posting something soon for that and I may just post a quick update to let you all know how it’s going with the memoir–maybe give you a snippet… 😉

    Gotta keep the people coming back for more. 🙂

  4. Hey come back already 😦 Hmm… Okay my own fault for not keeping tabs on you enough but as I am here now, just let me say how wicked your postings are, even though I am a rare visitor these days, probably because I am so far behind on my own Space that I am out of touch with everyone elses’s… No excuses…. I will call in again soon and see if you have returned 🙂 Have a nice break and be good, or else? 😉 lol

    Androgoth XXx

  5. I missed you, too, soul sister with the funny bone that just won’t quit. My bladder hurts in sympathy (and other reason I shan’t go into here, oh hell, well my best friend kicked me in the bladder because that’s nearly all I have left there, hysterectomy in 2007 left me that and something that starts with the same letters as vague but it’s so vague I can’t remember what it’s called or what one should do with it anymore). Shizzle. Love that word. Shizzle. I blogged on your blog. You always did inspire me to say more than I should and delete none of it. Well, we did escape the convent, that much is evident. Drop by anytime, love the way your brain works, woman. Much love xo

  6. “bleh”…..I’m trying to get some other things done,,,but it’s a struggle…

  7. Good luck to you, too! I’ll be back soon enough. This editing thing is going slowly, but I’m enjoying reading what I’ve written (minus the too many typos)!

    I know about the blogging addiction. When I’m into full blogging mode, I can’t get much else done, either. 😐

  8. I’ll miss you! I haven’t kept up with my reading of blogs, because I’m trying to force myself to market my book….not having much luck getting started..too many pictures to take…and this blogging is just so darn addictive….good luck, rest up, those papparazzi can be brutal…

  9. Thanks, Casey. That was basically my plan, too. Good to know that I was on the right track! Good luck with your project!

  10. I have found that doing a reading as a reader is easiest when I upload to my Kindle and read it there. I highlight sections I see as a problem and use the note function to make notes. Before that I was reading and editing and revising and never caught holes a reader might. I also asked a couple of friends who read a great deal and have some understanding of what makes a readable book, to read it and make suggestions or comments. They are my blessed beta readers who never let me down.

  11. I’ll send them to your house. They can put all that anger to good use scrubbing and whipping your place into shape. You can thank me later. 😉

    Angelique for a pen name, eh? “Like an angel…” Sure has a nice ring to it! 🙂

  12. OK, but don’t come crying to me when your angry, neglected readers form a lynch mob in front of your house.

    P.S. Angelique sounds like a perfect pseudonym for the book.

  13. Hey, wait just a minute, Buster…I mean, Al! I was supposed to be that woman on the divan, not the char woman you can’t see because she’s on her stomach underneath the divan corralling dust bunnies while tying the springs on the thing so it remains nice and comfy for me.

    In case you haven’t noticed, I’m housework-challenged. SO in response to you generous offer to hide me from my angry or adoring public:

    1. Stop talking trash to me. I’ll have to tell your wife.
    2. If your dishwasher has a setting like “Smart Wash”, it can start itself.
    3. Dishes that have their own surname shouldn’t be in museums, not my hands.
    4. I’ve never formed any special attachments to a vacuum and I’m too old to begin now.
    5. There’s a breeze for hardwood floors. Let Mother Nature do the sweeping.
    6. Sheets? You use sheets? How civilized of you.
    7. My idea of “doing the windows” is looking out of them. Twice a month sounds about right.
    8. You don’t want me anywhere near a pressure washer unless you want me to carve something creative on your home’s siding or lawn. And I will claim artistic freedom when the cops come.
    9. That should get you thinking before you offer me sanctuary in a veiled attempt to be kind (but overt attempt to be funny).
    10. My new name will be Angelique. You can explain that to your wife, too.

    Maybe Wit Sec is the way to go, huh? 😉 But I appreciate the offer, chains, er, um, strings attached and all! 🙂 🙂

  14. Are there any tips you can give me as a newbie to this process?

  15. I may just have to find a comfy writing/potty chair. Great idea! 🙂

  16. I love your “writer’s serenity prayer”! I’m sure everyone in the Bloggosphere will agree, we’re glad you could stand being away! Maybe you can just convert your computer chair into a potty seat… 🙂

  17. Glad you’ve decided to join me in reading/revision/editing phase of writing. I’ll be looking for you on the other side. Stay focused…

  18. Lorna, if you can’t get in the witness protection program you can come live with us. Just a few items:
    1. The trash goes out to the curb for pickup on Wednesday.
    2. Please set the dishwasher for “Smart Wash”.
    3. The Fostoria dishes have to be hand-washed.
    4. The area rugs get vacuumed with a special dog hair attachment.
    5. There’s a broom for the hardwood floors.
    6. Sheets get changed every 3 days (we prefer the military fold).
    7. Windows are done as needed, but at least twice a month.
    8. The pressure washer is in the shed.
    9. That should get you started, the complete list is forthcoming.
    10. Your new name will be Hazel.

    P.S. I couldn’t help but notice the lovely divan that woman was laying on in the last picture.

  19. Thanks. This should be quite an adventure. I know how the book ends, so I can focus on each page and making it better! 🙂

  20. Good luck with all that ~ we’ll miss you!

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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