Alright, I’ll tell them what you want me to tell them. You’re right. It’s for my own good that I do as you command. Maybe I’ll even lose that last 5 pounds from not sitting so much at the computer. I am getting a bit fleshy.

It’s time for me to take a real break from my blog.

[It’s important that you know everything you read that isn’t in brackets and is in pink is what I’m being told what to type by Scrappy who wants to see me get more rest, finish a good first draft of my memoir, and get rid of the dust bunnies under the couch before they get bigger than he is. Okay, I’d better get back to typing outside of these brackets before I get caught.]

I’m constantly having to look over my shoulder to make sure You-Know-Who isn’t figuring out what I’m really doing on this computer. It’s really becoming a pain in the neck.

I don’t “owe” you any explanations, but I’ll give them to you anyway just so I don’t have to individually respond to the hundredsdozenscouple of inquiries I’m likely to get due to this post, which would defeat the purpose of taking a break from blogging, which I’m really going to do.

[Scrappy made sure I put in that last part, the scallywag. By the way, aren’t you impressed with my little scallywag’s command of the English language?]

I blame, um, thank, Scrappy’s former owner for his literacy skills. She must have read to him every night.

Reason 1: I work on my memoir only after I read and comment on blogs and/or write new blog posts. This means I have my priorities backwards and the only way to break this habit is to break it cold turkey. [Which is quite objectionable for a vegan who has grown quite fond of many bloggers out there. Uh oh. Scrappy just came into the room…]

Reason 2: I have Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and won’t live forever. I have to write this book before something dire happens to me. Who knows when my batteries won’t recharge and my brain will be as mushy as the cushion I’m sitting on right now? Who will walk Scrappy and take care of his every whim if I’m as limp and incoherent as celery that was left out in the sun all afternoon? [Well, that’s just mean, self-serving and pessimistic. Scrappy, you should be ashamed of yourself.]

My writing ability on a bad day. Hopefully this isn’t one of them.

Reason 3: Other bloggers are taking breaks or have taken breaks, so it’s obviously something people do from time to time. Now is my time. [Says, you, Mr. Scrappy Pants. I’m in the middle of the Seven Deadly Sins contest, the Light up the Blog-o-Sphere movement, the Divine Ms. L series, and the Brilliant Oxymoron series. Does this seem like a great time to check out? Plus, I can think of, like, five people who might really miss me. That’s a lot of pressure, Scrappy, that you don’t feel as you snooze on one of your many beds, keeping one eye open to watch what I’m not doing.]

Reason 4: My Mahjong skills have plummeted. When I get really old [should I make it that far given Scrappy’s assessment of my certain decrepitude], I will need these skills to be among the more popular nursing home residents.

Hopefully Milly and me will be hugging each other after winning a Mahjong tournament, not luckily catching each other on our way down toward dual broken hips.

So there you have it. I’m opting out of blogging for a while [a little while] to get my memoir drafted and to recharge my batteries. I will miss you. I hope you’ll miss me. [I’m sorry for any disappointment this causes the five of you and I’ll try to be efficient with my time so this hiatus doesn’t become a lifestyle. Maybe I can pop in and update you on occasion–when Scrappy is barking at air bunnies and is otherwise distracted.]

My goodness, time flies when you’re editing and re-editing your memoirs.  Go figure. And that’s what happened: my figure got up and went. But my fingers are quite shapely.

Bye bye for now and wish me luck! [Sniff. Sniff.]

It’s either sink or swim time. I aim to swim. (But not like “wit da fishes” like the mob would say–just to be clear.)