Dear Divine Ms. L. …, 7th Edition
It’s time once again to take a peek at what brings unsuspecting Internet Searchers to this blog. The Divine Ms. L is doing something different this time. “You can count on change!” That’s her motto–at least for today. She hopes you don’t mind. If you do, well take a deep breath and relax. You should know by now, The Divine Ms. L knows what’s best, so let’s have a little trust in her, people.
The Divine Ms. L did some research on all the Internet search terms that directed
Fruit-Loop-A-Doodles…wonderful readers to this blog since last June. She realized that many of the sickos…searchers out there in Cyberspace-Cadet Land were searching for things, not just answers to unthinkable… illegal…quirky questions. She thought it would be scary…fun to list the top 15 “items” searchers go trolling the Internet for and end up here, much to their bitter disappointment.
If you missed the other installments of this series, click here, here here and here , here,and here. With all this clicking, you’ll sound like you forgot to secure your dentures before you decided to try Karaoke at the family picnic.
DISCLAIMER: Oh forget about it. I have no excuse for what I’m about to do.
Shall we begin? Dear Divine Ms. L …,
“Confused old woman” 65 people are searching for a confused old woman OR 1 person has been relentlessly searching for a confused old woman. I don’t get it. There are so many confused old women probably driving, shopping or wandering near you, why would you–or 65 of you–need to do an Internet search to find one? And what exactly do you plan on doing with this confused old woman? Helping her cross the street? That’s it! Boy Scouts are conducting this search. I wonder if their Troop Leader knows the lengths to which these boys will go to get that Merit Badge?
“Buzz cut woman” This is either a convention of 55 Steven King wanna-be horror genre writers, the 55 creative staff members of Twisted Films, Inc. looking for ideas for a sequel to their popular Saw film phenom, or 55 people looking for a fresh summer hair style option to, well, having hair. Your guess is as good as mine.
“Swarm of flies” I don’t know if it’s panic,
sadistic…simple curiosity, or scientific inquiry, but 54 searchers wanted to know something about swarming flies. Perhaps you or a loved one were recently the object of such a swarm and want to know if slathering yourself in honey and running naked in a field is something you should plan again for your second anniversary. Maybe you, like the buzz cutters, are pitching possible horror book or movie plots. Or could it be that you are a trained scientist and you are so human contact-…sleep-deprived that you stooped to a Google search for your research rather than a proper academic review of the entomological literature?