Silly Kitty, nothing will protect you from the power of the Vernal Equinox.

I decided to wait until after the Vernal Equinox to tell you about its mystical and kick-butt…freaky powers because the world doesn’t need any more help with destruction and chaos. In my opinion.

What I’m about to tell you is true, expect for the parts that involve believing in an ancient religion. Those parts could be true, too, if you want them to be.

Whoa! Believe Brothas and Sistahs in the power of hot pants!

When? I was still married to Chuck but things were not going well. By “not going well,” I mean that he made excuses to be away from me as much as possible and I ritually invoked as many incantations for peace, serenity, understanding, and forgiveness as I could find in books on This was well before e-readers, so if I’d had neighbors, those mythical neighbors would have gossiped that I has having an affair with the UPS guy. There are a lot of resources out there on finding inner peace by talking to yourself.

...but apparently not for Chuck.

Okay, Exactly When? In December, 2008 I was listening to a podcast about the Mayan Calendar. The Mayans were an ancient civilization who lived off the land, created a calendar that told of times well before they existed and projected out until the end of this year, then they died. No one knows for sure if the calendar ended before they died (which would be kind of bad news for us) or if the calendar ended because they died (which would be kind of bad news for them). That might not be true. Maybe someone knows, just not me.

Why is this Important? Glad I asked. If you can set aside all the 2012-End-of-the-World-as-We-Know-It obsession, the Mayans lived by the calendar in another way–annually. Because they were an agrarian society (that’s fancy lingo for “lived off the land”), their “New Years Day” was the Vernal Equinox. (See, now we’re getting somewhere. Aren’t you glad you stayed with me?) The Podcast People said that if you formed a specific intention on the Vernal Equinox, the intention would get “planted” in the Universe. Then you were supposed to forget about it (like a seed you plant in the ground) until the Summer Solstice. During that day, you’re supposed to start “tending to your seed (intention)” by just watching or noticing what happens. During the Fall Equinox, it’s time to reap what you sewed. Things, they said, WILL happen, get ready for the harvest. Finally, when the Winter Solstice arrives, it’s time to rest, think about what happened the year before and decide what you’d like to “plant” for the next year. Of course, the Mayans actually planted plants . For food. The Podcast People were speaking metaphysically. I hope you got that.

This a very rare, authentic photograph of Mayans planting their fields. Any resemblance to a Biblical coloring book figure is purely coincidental--something that happens a lot when investigating this mystical culture. It took me a long time to find this actual photograph. You're very welcome.

What Happened? Because the Podcast People were emphatic about being careful about what you wished for because it WILL come true (in ways you may not expect, so be very specific), I gave it a lot of thought. I was desperate for peace between Chuck and me (well, I wanted peace and the only way I figured it would happen is if he became happy with me for whatever he was unhappy with me about. If you’re confused, so was I). So, on the precise moment of the Vernal Equinox, 2009, I made an intention for “peace.” I didn’t direct it toward anyone or anything specific, hoping that the world would benefit from my simple, innocent intention. I didn’t tell Chuck, I just tried to let the little seed do its thing.

My problem with gardening is I don't know enough about what kind of seed I'm planting.

What Happened Next? There’s a reason I don’t garden. I must have metaphysically planted a “bad” seed. All hell broke loose that summer. Reggie (my crazy cockatoo) died. Chuck acted like he couldn’t stand the sight of me. The more I tried to be sweet and understanding, the madder he got. I was sicker than I could remember, the worst was a migraine that gripped me for over 10 days. As fall approached, he spoke about possibly moving out to get some space. He’d been living at our lake camp all summer, so he already had effectively moved out. I guess he was dreading closing up the camp and moving back “home.” Jazzy, my gentle giant of a hound dog died, leaving me with Scrappy and the only animal companion in what once was a zoo-like house. Two weeks after the Fall Equinox, Chuck announced he was leaving me.

I say "yes." You say "no." I say stop" and you say "I gotta go, go, go." Oh-oh, no. You say "good bye" and I "but why?"

I didn’t feel particularly peaceful. He didn’t seem very much at ease either…at first. But as time went on and fall became winter, a kind of peace settled over me. I was no longer trying to please a man who couldn’t be pleased. It wasn’t the peaceful outcome I had in mind, but, then again, I wasn’t very specific, was I? And the Podcast People told me to be very specific.

Believe this or not, it’s all true (except for the parts that aren’t and I think I pointed them all out). I don’t know what will happen on December 21, 2012, but I know that making a wish on the Vernal Equinox is powerful stuff. Next time, if there is a next time, I’m going to ask for a cerulean blue (to match my eyes), extra-safe, comfortable and spacious car that gets 75+ miles per gallon. Is that specific enough?

Oh, yes, I'd like it to hover above the road in case of heavy traffic...

Aren’t you glad I saved you from all that sewing and reaping?