It's hard to concentrate on proper grammar when your only relief could slice your fingers off, or worse--mess up your hair before your husband comes home.

Did I say “fanners” in the title of this post? Silly me. I meant spammers.

So far, spammers have escaped my vegetable-peeler-sharp wit, but it’s time for this vegetarian to pop the lid open on her can of SPAM.

I have 3 complaints about my blog spammers:

  1. It’s clear they don’t read my meticulous and well-written posts. Look at the post titles; you’ll see what I mean.
  2. They can be snarky. If they have friends and family, why pick on a complete cyber-stranger?
  3. I have a hard time understanding what they are trying to tell me. I’m confused enough already and don’t need unsolicited intellectual pandemonium.

Spammer, you should read the post before you send your spam-a-zoid message.

Yeah, yeah. I'm reading the post now and I'm sending a pertinent message as we speak.

Hoping for further knowledge in that field! (Can We Go Back? I Forgot a Few Things) I could teach you a great deal about forgetting things, but I tend to have  memory lapses when putting my notes together…

There is this guy in Nigeria who is looking for a business partner. I’ll forward you his e-mail. (Freaking Psychopath) Um. No thanks. Really. I’m good. I work best alone.

I wanted to visit and allow you to know how , very much I loved discovering your web site today. I’d personally consider it a great honor to operate at my workplace and be able to use the tips discussed on your site and also engage in visitors’ responses like this. Should a position regarding guest writer become available at your end, please let me know. (Meet the Wack-a-Doodles) The job market is tough, but no need to work for a Wack-a-Doodle. I hear there’s a guy in Nigeria looking for a business partner.

I believe that avoiding processed foods will be the first step to be able to lose weight. They could taste excellent, but ready-made foods include very little vitamins and minerals, making you eat more simply to have enough power to get throughout the day. Should you be constantly having these foods, transferring to cereals and other complex carbohydrates will assist you to have more vigor while taking in less. Great blog post. (Most Leaveable Girl in High School) Oh, I get it. You saw the title of the post and thought I got dumped because I was weight-challenged and had food issues. That’s Plumpness Profiling! I’m hurt.

I am not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for great info I was looking for this About Lorna Lorna’s Voice for my mission. (About Lorna Page) Hey, Einstein. I’m getting this information about myself from myself. Even Wikipedia would accept me as a reputable source for my own bio.

Why must you be a snarky spammer?

Future spammer. Maybe current spammer once she pops all the Mr. Bubbles in her bath.

obviously like your website however you need to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the reality however I’ll certainly come again again. I didn’t note which post this was in response to, but does it matter? I know I make mistakes. You did, too. Do you see me getting all in your face about it?

I have not checked in here for a while since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are great quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend  Talk about passive-aggressive… Gee, I thought I’d delete you from my Spam folder since you insulted me, but I guess that compliment just felt too good, my friend.

go figure (Award announcement post) How many awards have you received lately, Buddy?

What?

You know, I'm a lot smarter in person than I am on the computer.

I individually didn’t find out about this, with thanks. I didn’t collectively write this. You’re not welcome.

I got what you destine, thanks for swing up. Woh I am willing to chance this website through google./I got what you impart, thanks for putting up. Woh I am happy to gestate this website through google./I got what you think, thanks for putting up. Woh I am willing to attain this website finished google.  Thanks For Share And So It Begins…Or Ends Lorna’s Voice.  I think someone needs to put down the Mad Libs game and do some real work.

From a Pharmacy Site: Hello! fbeegae interesting fbeegae site! I’m really like it! Very, very fbeegae good! (Um Donkeys May be Flying) I’d cut the fbeegae down on experimenting with the fbeegaeing drug samples. You’re too fbeegaed-up to work. It’s fbeegaeing hard to get off the drugs, but think of your family, you fbeegaeing dope.

So you spammers out there, take heed. I’m not your average target. I have standards and I’m almost always alert. You probably can’t be stopped, but neither can I. Next time, I might just have to name names…

I'll separate the Spam from the decent hard-working honest messages if it takes the full force of my office (which is kind of tiny in this condo, but for women size doesn't matter as much).