If I Expose More Of Myself, The Vice Squad Will Become Involved
As promised from my prior post, When Does “No” Mean “Thanks?”, about blog awards, I need to fulfill two obligations:
- reveal captivating and heretofore undisclosed facts about me
- link you up to 7 of my favorite posts for when you can’t sleep or are bored at work/home
Both of these obligations present me with
inconceivable… absurdly impossible…somewhat daunting problems… challenges…issues. Let’s take one at a time, which is the only way I can do anything since multi-tasking is an inconceivable… absurdly impossible… a somewhat daunting problem… challenge…issue for me.
Reveal captivating and heretofore undisclosed facts about me
Lorna’s Voice has blabbed about my entire life story; so, if you’ve read my posts, you know more about me than the CIA, FBI, KJB and my mother (who thankfully doesn’t own a computer) combined. When I make my
long-winded… inexhaustible…profound comments on your blog posts, I often reveal even more of myself and my life. What more is there left about me that you:
- don’t already know?
- would find in the least bit enchanting?
I’ve pondered this for
weeks… days…last night when I should have slept. Here’s what I came up with.
- Last night I slept a little. I dreamed that I was walking in fancy red shoes with impossibly high heels and a short skirt. My feet were killing me. Just as I was stepping down some stairs trying not sprain anything, I noticed John Lennon standing at the bottom of the stairs admiring my legs. I was glad I had the sexy shoes on. My feet stopped hurting and I wondered where Paul was. I figured he would appreciate my legs, too. Then I woke up thinking this would be a good captivating thing to reveal about myself.
- I always wanted to, but never could, raise just one eyebrow in that seductive “Oh really?” look. All I can ever do is raise both eyebrows in that guilty “Huh?” look.
- Before I went on my anti-inflammatory diet to help boost my immune system, I wore a size 14-16 everything; now I wear a size 4-6 everything. I take up less space, but my immune system is still wacky.
- I have big, wide feet, making the wearing of sexy shoes
impossible… improbable… painful…dangerous. On the down-side, my shoe-budget is rather low; on the upside, I am well-grounded to the earth.
- Forget DNA tests, you can tell my sisters and I are related by our laugh. We have identical laughs. The rhythm, cadence, and coughing-up-of-phlegm after a laugh-attack is all the same.
- My Mom taught me well: waste not, want not. I’m frugal to a fault when it comes to toothpaste, toilet paper, electricity, gas (home heating and
jet…car fuel), food, you name it. The “5 second rule” applies for me if I can get to the food before Scrappy does.
- I can speak English in a variety of accents so convincingly that people think I’m from either a foreign country or another part of the U.S. My best accents are: UK (the Queen’s English and Cockney), French, Italian, Irish, General Eastern European, Australian, Jewish Mother, Brooklyn Bimbo, and South Carolinian. People tell me that when I speak “normally” I don’t have any accent–like Walter Cronkite didn’t have an accent. You couldn’t tell where he was from, just where he wasn’t from.
- I am
mildly… moderately… wildlyobsessed with both Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana. Yeah, I know, me and how many millions of others? I find them both misunderstood and troubled beautiful women who had more to offer than the world wanted from them.
- I always liked Madonna–even when she was unpopular. Oh, is she still unpopular? I don’t pay attention.
- Being grateful for the kindness and recognition of my peers (via awards) while asking them not be so kind and shower me with so much recognition is VERY hard for a Highly Sensitive Middle Child Attention Junkie. But I’m going to give it one more try: Please resist the temptation to honor me with any more awards (unless you happen to be giving out the Pulitzer Prize or the Nobel Prize or the Miss Congeniality Consolation Prize). Please? Pretty Please?
Link you up to 7 of my favorite posts for when you can’t sleep or are bored at work/home
WordPress tells me that over the past 9 months, I’ve written 222 posts. And I’m supposed to pick 7? Gee, I wish I hadn’t
drunk so much of the blog-Kool-Aid…been so prolific. Which 7 posts sum up Lorna’s Voice, making my blog the versatile, lovely, inspirational, kreativ, awesome blog that you think it is? I suggest you read all of my posts, but here’s a start:
- To Be Honest With You is one of my first posts and my only one to get Freshly Pressed. It brought about 3,500 views to my brand new blog.
- If You Can’t Understand Them, Make Something Up is my attempt at making fun of Net Speak.
- You Didn’t Tip Her, Did You? is a true story about a very bad experience with an independent”hair technician.”
- Dirty Little Secret Revealed is the beginning of a three-part series in which I shared real college student bloopers I collected over my years of grading sociology papers and essay exams.
- It All Began With the Dogs, Part 1 is where I begin telling my life story in chronological order. If you want to read about how my life unfolded, begin with this post and move through the calendar.
- Imagine the Disappointment is the first in many installments where I lampoon the zany Internet Search Terms that lead people to my blog (Now, it’s the “Dear Divine Ms. L.” series).
- Child of the Moon is something different. It showcases my fabric art and my serious attempt at writing poetry.
Have fun with these if you haven’t read them!
Thanks to everyone who supports my blog and encourages my shenanigans. I am truly grateful.
Now, Scotty, increase the Award Deflector Shields to Maximum Power.