As we count down the last days of 2011, I thought I’d share with you a few more wacky but real news stories. You can thank me when you’re dubbed “Official Life of the Party” as you regale these zany tales with people drinking themselves silly waiting to ring in the New Year, and perhaps the last year of the world as we know it…

... or not.

12/24/11 Headline: TSA Confiscates Cupcake, Frosting a Risk

A woman returning from Las Vegas had her frosted cupcake confiscated by a Boston TSA agent. The frosting, the security agent feared,  might be an explosive. This story intrigues me. I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas. Doesn’t this apply to cupcakes? Why would the woman not eat a perfectly good cupcake, especially with the abysmal airline snack food options. As for the explosive potential of a frosted cupcake, I know the damage one of those things can do to your waistline or hips once eaten, but I’ve never heard of cupcakes being harmful if they remain in the box. The woman didn’t want to give up her cupcake on the grounds that it was her right as a citizen to eat whatever fattening food she wanted; the TSA agent wasn’t willing to release the cupcake into her custody on the grounds that the frosting was moist enough to detonate a bomb and that it looked so tasty.

Now it's making more sense. This cupcake has "terrorist" written all over it; yet it is somehow deliciously irresistible.

12/22/11 Headline: Teens Get Probation For Poop-Laced Cake

Three former Avondale, PA high school seniors were suspended from school, sentenced to 200 hours of community service, and have to serve almost two years of house arrest while being electronically monitored for putting human feces in a cake they baked for a classmate. This is why I prefer using old-fashioned cookbooks rather than finding new-fangled recipes on the internet (I don’t care how many stars or “thumbs-up” ratings they get).

I can't tell if this is a "before" or "after" picture of eating the cake in question...

12/16/11 Headline: Oregon Man Arrested in Light Saber Attack

A man who wasn’t Luke Skywalker was brandishing a toy light saber in an Oregon Toys-R-Us parking lot while speaking incoherently or at least in an alien language that no one at the scene was able to translate. When police arrived, he continued to defend his … um … whatever and warded off a police Taser gun attack by using the light saber to break one of the Taser wires. He was wrestled to the ground the old-fashioned, 21st century way. WARNING: Children should only use light sabers for pretend fighting and wounding because if the toys are used for real fighting, real wounding is a real possibility. EXTRA SPECIAL WARNING: Children do not pay attention to warnings, so beware of anyone with a light saber.

My money's on the kid with the light saber.

12/15/ 11 Headline: Woman Attacked Ex With Antlers

Remembering that there are at least two sides of every story, I think this story is biased toward the man who got antler-whipped. He was living with the woman and he went outside to call his girlfriend. This happened in Florida so it was probably a nice evening. The woman got upset. Okay, maybe she over-reacted and maybe there were intoxicants of the plentiful variety involved (although the report leaves that for the reader to deduce), buck but she didn’t want him to come back inside. Not having antlers of her own, she tore a mounted deer head off the wall and threatened him with it if he came through the door. I’m having a hard time with the idea of a mounted deer head as part of anyone’s decor in Florida, are you? Anywho, knowing full well that he was entering a home with an angry woman who had an impressive rack that she was ready to use, he stormed in. What did he think was going to happen? And she ended up in the slammer…

Not that kind of rack...he would have been smothered rather than just bruised and scratched.

12/29/11 Headline: Shameless Self-Promotion, Long-Windedness  and Third Person Self-Referencing Becomes Latest Scourge at WordPress

Even the sweet little blogger who only started blogging in June has fallen victim to this very unBuddhist-like behavior of shameless self-promotion. Just because a site called Dark Globe created an Outstanding Artist of the Year Award—almost the same as the “People’s Choice Awards” for performing artists, well, exactly the same only smaller—and she was nominated for the Blogger of the Year Category then became a finalist and now needs as many votes as possible to be the winner in that category, this doesn’t mean she has to be swept up in the wave of competition and long-winded sentences. But she is. She also seems to be dead set on referring to herself in the third person. Buddhists also teach ago letting go of ego, so this third person thing could be a good sign.

Really? You think that bully-stink is going to fly with these brilliant readers?

The polls close on December 31, midnight. Do you want to exercise your fingers right to vote for Photographer, Writer, and Blogger of the Year? Hop on over to this site and leave a comment about who you think should get the top honor in any or all categories (if you already haven’t). The winner of each category will be announced on New Year’s Day. Unlike the Republican Primaries, this contest actually ends and the fate of our collective future is safe regardless of the outcome.

Viable candidates are dropping like flies; other than that, you didn't miss much.

joy, laughter, wellness and prosperity each and every day and a

Happy New Year!