
I always felt it was my maternal duty to prepare my child to leave, um, er, to live a fulfilling life.
This series shares the lessons my son taught me, an inept mother, as we both survived experienced life as parent and child. Most often parents teach their children life-lessons that will prepare them for life; but since “motherhood” and “Lorna” were never meant to be uttered in the same sentence, Alex ended up teaching me valuable life-lessons. Maybe he learned manners, kindness, and chair-dancing from me. I’m sure these lessons will come in handy as he makes his way in this troubled economy.
For the first two installments, click here and here. The following lessons are more recent (double-digit years to just a few months ago).
*****

Hey, Alex, you hunk-a-boy-love, whatcha doin' at recess tomorrow? Meet me at the swing-set, 11:30, sharp.
Alex was quite a catch in 5th grade. He told me that a girl wanted to “go out” with him. We both looked uncomfortable.
“Who asked?”
“She did.”
Wow, girls are a lot different now than they were when I was growing up! I thought. “What does ‘going out’ even mean in 5th grade?”
Alex shrugged. “Holding hands?”
“Well, if you don’t know what it means, maybe you shouldn’t do it?” We were like Scooby-Doo and Shaggy: exploring a mysterious cave and nothing but question marks to lead the way.
“Yeah. Maybe. But I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
“How about if I make a rule that you’re too young to ‘go out?’ That way you can blame me.”
Alex beamed. “Can you make the rule be no dating until I’m 16?”
“Done.”
MOMMY LESSON #7: Children may not ask you, but they want rules and guidelines from their parents. The world is a confusing place. Rules clarify some things, at least for a while.
*****
For someone who preferred dogs to cats, we had a lot of cats while Alex was growing up. We lived in a house that was Rodent Central, so cats seemed a more natural solution to home-invasion control than man-made deadly force contraptions or potions. Alex also loved kittens and cats; they loved him, too. Cats saw me as a claw-sharpening opportunity. Of the approximately nine cats that came in and out of our lives while Alex lived at home, he only got to name one of them. Several were adult adoptees who had names, but at least five came unnamed. Since felines were there because of Alex, he felt he should name them. All pet owners know how life-altering elemental important a pet’s name is to the entire family.
I tried to let Alex name these new members of our family. I did. But he was immersed in Lord of the Rings for a good part of his teen years. Imagine snuggling up with Aragorn or Boromir? If Frodo was a reptile, well, fine; but a fluffy kitten? Come on. I inevitably “suggested” more kitty-appropriate names over the years like “Dusty,” “Molly,” “Aussey,” and “Pudley.” He caught on and named one “Misty.” (We didn’t have all these cats at once, lest you think me a cat-hoarder).
Each time I “won” the name-game, rejection flashed across Alex’s eyes. He got over his disappointment so quickly that, if I hadn’t been looking at him at that one moment, I’d never have known.
MOMMY LESSON #8: Let your children express themselves in harmless ways—like naming a kitten. Alex would have cuddled with Boromir, not me, although I would have taken little Legolas to the vet.
*****
Alex was never one to follow the crowd. His idea of “making a statement” was doing the opposite of what his peers were doing. If the “thing to do” was get drunk, smoke pot or cigarettes, or get a tattoo, Alex set himself apart by being “straight edge” and leaving art on canvas, not his skin. In 6th grade a kid offered him a cigarette. He refused and lectured the kid on the risks of smoking.
He’s currently got me hooked on the UK series, Dr. Who. I’m not quite the Whoserian that he is, but we talk at length about various episodes and actor preferences. David Tennant is his favorite iteration of Dr. Who. He may want to become David Tennant.
A couple of months ago he told me of an exciting development in his life: he found a free pair of yellow Converse sneakers. Why the excitement? David Tennant/Dr. Who wears Converse sneakers of various colors on the series, yellow being one of the snazzier options.
Alex wore these sneakers out to dinner with his friend, who immediately noted them. “Alex, why are you wearing yellow sneakers? Aren’t you afraid people are going to stare at you?” His friend is more sensitive to the approval of others than Alex is.
“You’ll never know true freedom, my friend, until you’ve worn a pair of yellow Converse sneakers,” Alex replied, smiling broadly.
MOMMY LESSON #9: Sometimes children turn out perfectly fine—sure of themselves—in spite of whatever you do (or don’t do) as a parent.
May 10, 2013 @ 13:01:36
Mar 23, 2012 @ 17:12:31
Maybe a little more wise now–well after the fact. Isn’t that the way it always goes?
Mar 23, 2012 @ 15:42:09
Very nicely put, love your description of learning as a parent. So many times we feel that we must have all the answers and experience feelings of failure when things don’t go as expected. You are a wise woman.
Dec 31, 2011 @ 16:57:31
Yes, I think things turned out very well between mother and son. I’m just not sure how… 😉
Dec 29, 2011 @ 19:56:22
Fabulous Mom – Son relationship. I think you were a GREAT Mom. You had your own style and it worked well for Alex. I think the cats were all teasing you. I have had cats all through the years and they do have a tendency to pick at the one person they know they can. You were it ….!!!
Hheheheee … I love the pix of the little kittens … adorably cute. I’ll take two please. ~~~~ : – )
Happy New Year – 2012
Izzy
Dec 19, 2011 @ 09:27:54
I totally agree. They’ll figure that out, too when they have kids of their own. Maybe that’s the real fun of being a grandparent: watching your children become humble!
Dec 19, 2011 @ 09:26:45
Oh, come on! You’re successful, Terri!
Dec 19, 2011 @ 09:25:14
Perfectly said, Casey!
Dec 19, 2011 @ 09:24:45
I do and I treasure it!
Dec 19, 2011 @ 05:41:41
Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your son. 😉
Dec 18, 2011 @ 14:13:38
You sound like the perfect mother for Alex–or he sounds like the perfect child for you. 🙂
Being a mother is never easy and no one has ever gotten an instruction manual along with a baby. You bring them here during labor and you expend labors of love to get them to adulthood.
Dec 18, 2011 @ 12:09:31
Your Alex reminds me so much of my youngest. Not in looks, but in the way he did his own thing. He turned out just fine, in spite of the barriers and challenges facing most young folks trying to grow up relatively normal these days. In fact, I admire that he is such a free spirit and goes in his own direction. Reminds me of me, only successful.
Dec 18, 2011 @ 11:45:40
Don’t tell my kids, but I think we learn as much (if not more) from our children as they learn from us.
Dec 17, 2011 @ 19:40:30
One thing about our agreements: they were flexible. I don’t think he wanted to date until he was a Junior in high school, but we would have worked something out. 😉
Dec 17, 2011 @ 19:37:01
You’ll have to find your own. ALex won’t give his up, even though I taught him to share! 🙂
Dec 17, 2011 @ 17:03:08
I wondered if Alex wanted to date before the age of 16 that was agreed upon. Things change between 5th grade and high school….
He sounds like a wonderful human being! 🙂
Dec 17, 2011 @ 15:43:52
Your title is another “Lorna gem” as is your oh-so-cool parenting style… letting your lives unfold as you go… love it. Except now I really badly want some yellow converse sneakers, lol lol. Much love,
J 🙂
Dec 17, 2011 @ 14:18:51
All in all, I think I did well for someone who was child-phobic. Alex and I have a great relationship and I’m so glad he’s in this world. I guess that makes me a certified mom. 😉
Dec 17, 2011 @ 14:17:09
One of the many cats, Pudley, would jump in my lap and purr for a while. I would pet him and then all of a sudden he would bite me and jump off my lap. No provocation–I think he did it for fun. You tell me…what’s that all about? 😉
Dec 17, 2011 @ 14:13:42
I always found it interesting that wisdom appears AFTER we need it most! I sure could have used these lessons before I needed them! 😉
Dec 17, 2011 @ 09:52:55
I had to chuckle about the 5th grade girlfriend thing. Times have certainly changed a bit since we were 10 or so. Back then, I was pretty sure girls were “gross” and I couldn’t imagine wanting a girlfriend. At. All. Glad you bailed Alex out of a tough situation.
“MOMMY LESSON #9: Sometimes children turn out perfectly fine—sure of themselves—in spite of whatever you do (or don’t do) as a parent.” I think as long as you have some stability and a caring relationship with your kids, that the long-run outcomes will be good for the most part.
Dec 17, 2011 @ 07:08:09
Loved reading that girlfriend conversation between you two and keys really do want rules, despite their objections to them.
What an image of the cat attack. What in the world caused the friction?
Dec 17, 2011 @ 07:05:42
Sounds to me like you’re doing a good job.