Um, Donkeys May Be Flying

Consider yourself notified.

NOTE:  This post may…

…Challenge your fixed notions of space, time, and the meaning of life;

…Shake your nerves and rattle your brain;

…Make you want to break into a song and dance routine a la any cast member from “Glee.”

Last week, I had almost 60 spam messages in my Spam-alot WordPress box. Today, I only had 27. Isn’t spam supposed to stay and grow like mold, fungus, or adult children with graduate degrees who can’t find jobs?

The facts are staring at you right in the face.

I didn’t delete any of these spam messages. Quite the contrary. I planned to write a witty post based on them. Trust me, it was going to be Tony-the Tiger Grrr-eat! But now, over half of them have vanished—something spam, as far as I understand it, is not programmed to do.

So what happened to my spam? (I fully appreciate the irony of that statement coming from a vegan and 54-year-old woman who has no interest in extending anyone’s erection into the “several hour” range).

Here are my guesses:

  1. WordPress has, once again, changed things up without telling us and has hired a Spam Cleaning Crew who just vacuum, dust, and sweep these messages under some magic cyber carpet.

    Don't look at me. I'm a temp. Kind of like your spam.

  2. My account, which has been possessed from the start, is showing signs of poltergeist activity. First the ghosties were blocking notices from my email, now they are zapping my spam. What’s next? Writing posts for me. I just hope they’re as good or better than my regular stuff, in which case, I’ll take full credit.

    Hey, Ghoul in my Hard Drive, I don't want any swearing if you're going to start posting things under my name.

  3. The Mayans were correct and as 12/21/12 approaches, time is compressing and the world as we know it will change forever. Hell will freeze over, donkeys will fly, beggars will be choosers, and spam will vanish as randomly as it appears.

Have any of you noticed anything similar in your Spam-alot WordPress boxes? If so, at least I can rule out #2 from above. Or maybe you, too, have a ghost…it’s all very confusing. But so is Spam.

Just so you know, I’ve gotten a preponderance of spam messages from sites extremely concerned about helping me save my marriage, but believe my “articles” have “great information” and “are very useful.” Too little, too late, and you don’t want me giving anyone marriage counseling advice.

See? I'm a bit too sassy for marriage counseling. Then again...

I haven’t checked today. Those messages may be gone. Cue Twilight Zone music…

~ by Lorna's Voice on November 27, 2011.

37 Responses to “Um, Donkeys May Be Flying”

  1. […] Site: Hello! fbeegae interesting fbeegae site! I’m really like it! Very, very fbeegae good! (Um Donkeys May be Flying) I’d cut the fbeegae down on experimenting with the fbeegaeing drug samples. […]

  2. Glad you liked the post. I thought it was funny!

  3. Holy Batman .. this is a job for Robin to figure out; too minor for him. OR … this seems like a nice investigation for Columbo that should be underway.
    Either way, so happy my spam is staying in place. Have you threatened to take their IPOD’s away???? It works for me.

  4. That’s nice. I have some wonderful (but silly) memories of my step-grandfather (mother’s side) that I’ll be sharing. So I do have some fond memories of an older relative…

  5. As a kid I used to go fishing with my grandfather too. Fortunately, I have the fondest memories of those trips. Grandpa had his own fishing tackle business, so we weren’t just fishing; we were trying out new lures for the sake of the business. It was the perfect excuse then and still remains one.

  6. Great idea. I lost some hysterical messages because I assumed spam was permanent. But you know what they say about people who assume…

  7. I think the spam is treated first in, first out on a rotating basis. Wouldn’t want the spam to get stale because then the spam wouldn’t taste good. Oh wait…

    I’ve taken to copying some of the more colorful messages to a Word document so I don’t lose them automatically. They are precious material which to lampoon. 🙂

  8. Thanks. Makes perfect sense. And I created the graph in Excel. It was fun! 🙂

  9. That explains it. So if I’m going to write about my spam, I can’t procrastinate. Lesson learned. 🙂

  10. As someone else said, I think it ages out and drops off. Apparently spam on WordPress doesn’t have quite the 100-year shelf-life of Spam in a can.

  11. I’ve had the same issue…but I think it’s just that after so many days in the Spam box it just disappears….
    Maybe there’s an expiry date on spam.

    By the way; I loved your graph!

  12. I know! Given the site names, the comments are nonsense. That’s what’s so funny about them.

  13. Lorna, I remember that spooky experience I had with your site and the ‘blue light’ .. so it’s the ‘blue light entity’ that’s trashing your spam … my spam is scarey stuff … they ‘love me’, or I’m ‘so cute’ even ‘all over absolutely delicious’ and ‘thoughtful of all comers’ (hello?) and oh yes I’m also ‘such a pet’ eeeeeew!
    None of this is true – double eeeew!!
    I’m your average, left of normal, impossible, incorrigible, low IQ kinda gal.
    cheers catchul8r molly

  14. Good attitude. I have to learn to let go…

  15. So do I for email, but not for for WordPress because I don’t get all that much. Some of it is really funny. But some of it is really MIA, too. Weird…

  16. So who do you think is trash-binning my spam? ;|

  17. When I saw all the marriage counseling sites pop up with the standard lines “I am so glad I found your site. You have researched this topic very well. I will bookmark your site for future reference. I love your style.”

    Talk about laugh!

    As for email, spam, I delete that without looking at it. I’m afraid of that stuff!

  18. I figured I would delete it when I was finished making fun of it. But it was on to me. Spam is smarter than I gave it credit for… 😉

  19. Happy to oblige! Nice to know someone/thing is looking out/over us… 😉

  20. So funny hunny, love it… I think we are all being monitored by somebody or other all the time… picture: tin foil wrapped several times around head and little antennae fashioned out of woolly pipe cleaners….

    See, nothing to worry about. They clearly know what they are doing. Even if we don’t. LMBO

    Thanks for the giggles.

  21. Font-Changers, huh? They are hard to get rid of. But I know an exorcist, but he hasn’t been able to cleanse the soul of my lap top, so you may not want to use him. He washes dishes on the side… 😉

  22. You see, that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about! I was going to write a post about those kind of zany spams and then just up and disappeared. Sheesh! 😉

  23. Thanks so much for subscribing! I’m glad you liked this post. Most of my posts are about my life (I’m writing a memoir), but every once in a while I go off on a tangent like this. I have others involving absolutely insane search engine terms and so other posts of similar nature. If you want me to direct you to them, just let me know.

    Until then, welcome aboard! 🙂 Lorna

  24. I don’t get that much compared to lots of people, but I was getting attached to some of my zany messages. Then, poof! They most were gone. Imagine that.

  25. Lucky or charmed? Or Lucky Charmed? 😉

  26. Happy to know everything came out okay. 😉

  27. I love spam. A couple weeks ago I told my wife that we needed to pick up a can or two for Thanksgiving. Something reminded my palate that it was overdue for a spam sandwich. Was it this post? It couldn’t have been because the date of your post is 11/27, two weeks ago would’ve been the 12th or around there, and I didn’t read this post until now. OMG! I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone!

    (This post almost gave me an erection, but since I’m running low on Cialis I quickly refocused my thoughts on Rod Serling and thing settled back down.)

  28. As I always say, “the only good spam is vanished spam.” Count yourself lucky.

  29. I enjoy my spam , but to be honest I don’t get a lot.

  30. I’m still trying to understand this spam thing! Great blog here, love your style. I followed your link over here from the dribblingpensioner. 🙂 You have a new follower, joyous day!

  31. Funny post! I wish my spam would disappear magically. I was getting something awhile back from Fat Bald Cop.

  32. I get a few spam helpings a week. Not in your league. Maybe they’ve decided you don’t deserve the love? I know I have gremlins in my machines; they keep changing my fonts to indecipherable size. 😦

  33. I get very little spam and what I do get is usually a company trying to sell me something–often triggered by some subject that I have written about. And, I have to delete it myself–no one is doing it for me–at least not yet!

  34. I don’t usually read my spam, but my husband reads his, laughs, then he reads them out loud, then he laughs again. Then if he thinks I didn’t hear him, he reads them out loud again. And laughs.
    The ability to tune your partner out is the key to a sucessful realtionship.

  35. I love reading my SPAM messages ’cause they’re always from companies trying to sell products to make schlongs bigger. It makes me laugh that there must be lots of small schlongs in the world, but I refuse to make “dickheads” bigger so I don’t spread the word. I get my chuckles, then it’s off to the trash bin.

  36. Hmmm. I delete my spam immediately…so can’t address your dilemma.

  37. Either my Spam is completely under control or I’m being controlled. Either way, I don’t much care. Feed me Spam, just don’t feed me Bu$$sh#T. Whatever that means. 😛

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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