Okay, so maybe I didn't think this whole thing through. I know there's a way to make this look like I wanted this to happen.

Whoa! In my fixation fervor fortitude to finish my memoir, I forgot to start it. I also skipped a few itty bitty, teensy weensy, oh heck, hilarious and important events that lend even further proof that my life’s journey is worthy of a Nobel Prize for Ridiculosity an Academy Award for Best Mocumentary a Pulitzer Prize for Tragicomedy a pat on the back when I’m not coughing a click on the new WordPress “Love Ya Like Da Buddha” button (hey, they’re changing things here all the time; it could happen).

Right Buddha. Wrong button.

You may think this means I’m very ditsy disorganized in addition to being dizzy. Maybe I am; or maybe I’m smart like a blonde fox. I’m doing one of those flashdance flashback things so popular in edgy movies I find hard to follow while looking away to grab some popcorn. “Wait. Who’s that kid? Why do the cars look so big and heavy? Just a second ago everyone had cell phones and now that guy in a hat is waiting to use a phone booth. What just happened? ” Yes. Flashbacks. That’s what you’re in for.

Smart. Blonde. Fox. It can happen.

Here’s my smart like a blonde fox plan.

  1. I’m going to post no more than 3 or 4 times per week so both you and I can have more time for life Beyond the Blog.
  2. Some posts will be “Duh, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you about that!” related to the story most of you already know (from teen drunk to dizzy divorced blissful blogger).
  3. Many posts will be about how “Little Lorna” came to be, how she grew up, and why she suddenly refers to herself in the third person.
  4. A few posts will acquaint you with my grandparents, parents and sisters because they have a lot to do with my life story even though I tried my best to insulate myself from a few  of them.
  5. I’ll throw in a post now and again about silly things I’ve heard or observed—just for fun and to keep things interesting.

Let’s just pretend I had this plan all along. It’s genius, really.  Anyone who is new to my blog doesn’t have to feel left behind. Everyone will be starting at the beginning, right? (Work with me here. I’m trying to make all of us feel better, and by “all of us,” I really mean “me.”)  If I admit that I just launched blindly into blogging and started telling my life story at random with no plan in mind, well, that would be just the truth silly.

Maybe this is the reason I’m not published yet.

Duh! You're right. When I go to a publishing house, I'll leave my bunny ears at home. I hope Scrappy doesn't try to wear them...again.