I’m Really One In a Million, Part 2

How does Lorna get out of this one?

At least they had a cart. I had nothing but my wits, and they were nothing to write home about.

The trip from the couch to the phone was excruciating—dragging a dead body excruciating (not that I have any direct experience with that kind of thing). I felt disoriented and my body was heavy and entirely uncooperative. I took a cleansing breath each time I dragged one leg closer to the phone. The Lodge is spacious and my progress was excellent for a sloth.

When I got to the phone I was relieved I had to dial just three numbers. 9-1-1.

“What is your emergency?”

“Um, I tink Iz hit by lightning.”

“You believe you were hit by lightning, Ma’am? Is that correct?”


“When did this happen?”

“Um. Proproly 2:00 clock?”

“2:00 pm today? Ma’am? And it’s now 6:15 pm.”


“Are you experiencing any symptoms?”

“Iz really tired and heavy.”

“Are you alone?”

“No. Scrappy’s here.”

“Can Scrappy take you to the hospital?”

“Ha. No. He’s a dog. Ha. That’d be funny.”

“We’re going to send someone to help you. What’s your address?

“I don know.” (I didn’t know their formal address) “It’s on a hill in Keene.”

“What’s you’re name?”

“Lorna, but I don liff here.”

“Have you had any alcohol or other substances?”

“No. Jus my normal pills. Um my sisser owns her house.” I gave them by brother-in-law’s name and they found the address.

“Okay, Lorna, I’ve just dispatched an ambulance. I’m going to stay on the phone with you until they get there.”

“Thas nice.”

Before too long, several large pick-up trucks were in the driveway and some rather handsome men were knocking on the door. I told the 911 operator I had visitors and hung up. I shuffled to the hallway and waved them in. They looked so friendly. One cracked the door open and asked me to put Scrappy in one of the bedrooms because there would be a lot of activity. Activity, hmm? That sounded good to me, so Scrappy got cloistered.

Technically, they were wearing shirts for the examination part of the evening...

Mr. May, June, July, and August of the Keene Volunteer Rescue Squad 2010 Calendar came in and started assessing my situation. I wished I’d put on some eyeliner and done sometime with my nap-hair. After hearing my story (as best I could tell it) while taking my “vitals,” they decided I was hit by “side-splash lightning.” A tree 20 feet away from me was directly hit, the current traveled to the ground and, because there was so much water on the ground and in the air, the current “splashed” into the atmosphere, super-charging everything in the vicinity, including me.

If this was the tree that got the direct hit, then I am the lamp. Simple, eh?

I heard the ambulance arrive, sirens and all, and I prepared myself for the second ambulance ride of my life. I asked the Hunky Calendar Guys where they were taking me so I could let Tina know. Before they put the oxygen mask on me, I called Tina and Jim, telling them to meet me at the Lake Placid Hospital, the smallest hospital on the planet in America in New York. As it turned out, it was the best hospital  on the planet in America in New York for me under the circumstances.

They had two ER rooms. One was occupied by an unfortunate man who combined alcohol with the wrong drugs and was puking his spleen out. The other room was waiting for me, and so were nurses and the attending physician. They didn’t get many lightning-strike victims, so my case was way more interesting than puking. They doted on me. My body wanted to fall asleep, but thankfully they kept asking me questions and making me try to move my phantom limbs. I was convinced that, if I feel asleep, I would lapse into a coma and die—I was that drained of energy. I kept telling the nurse my life was just getting good and dying now would really suck. She personally guaranteed my survival and even gave me her watermelon because that was the only “food” that sounded appetizing to me. We bonded that night.

Don't worry, I haven't lost one this month...yet.

Tina and Jim arrived. I asked them to call Phil, who was in Atlanta on business. He was mortified and wanted to fly back to be with me, but I sleepy-spoke him out of it telling him I was in good hands and was “jus gate.” Tina reassured him and was then all business, making sure everyone was doing their job. Jim stayed by my side, comforting me. “Don’t worry, Lorn, we’ll take care of you.”

My new independent self kicked in and I replied, “Tanks, Jim. I know. Bu I can take care uff mysef.” Being homeless for the last 6 weeks, still unsure about my mortgage and lying in the ER having just been struck by lighting, my slurry self-confidence must have seemed a wee bit ironic.

Giddy Doc told me my heart was fine and all blood work looked normal. My extreme lethargy was due to PTSD. Because my immune system was already compromised, the super-charge from the “side-splash lightning” sent my body into temporary hyper-mode, and this was the ultimate “crash.” She said to expect  more dizziness and possibly a lot of headaches. I couldn’t be left on my own for several days because I wasn’t capable of making good decisions, either. She knew me too well.

When you have a lot on your mind and you've just been struck by lightning, don't play trivial games. I'll just make you look bad.

Scrappy and I stayed with Tina and Jim for a couple of days, then I returned to Keene until June 25th. With no firm closing date and the threat of my condo contract evaporating, I moved in with Tina. At least I was closer to my “stuff.”

Is it time for things to fall into place for our little heroine?

~ by Lorna's Voice on November 11, 2011.

25 Responses to “I’m Really One In a Million, Part 2”

  1. Shocking, isn’t it! 😉

  2. Just when I think you’ve been through more than your share . . . !

  3. Groaning? Why? Was there a bad pun in there or something?

  4. They looked awfully hunk-a-rific to me. But maybe I wasn’t the best judge of anything at that moment…No, they were stud-muffins! 😉

  5. I agree–and it does! 🙂

  6. Too bad we don’t live closer. I like you! 🙂

  7. I figured as much! I have the same problem with pushing the “like button” on some posts I read–I like the way they’re written, but the content is not of the “yippee!” variety. 😉

  8. Wow. Things DO happen to you, don’t they? 🙂

  9. That sound you hear is me groaning.

  10. When my ambulance came all I got were nerdy lookin’ dudes. I want to move and take a ride in your ambulance next time. If you gotta go might as well do have some eye candy doting over you. Ha – you should be called Lucky Lorna .. and … no the Lucky Strike kind. Yup – I know them well my Dad smoked them. Not excatly an appropriate name for death sticks.
    P.S. Fall into place …please. ~~~ : – )

  11. What happened to this new beau or was he not quite in the picture yet?

    I have to tell you, Lorn. It’s like you’ve been walking with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. You sure you’re not Charlie Brown reincarnated?

  12. Oh my goodness again. I actually barked out a very loud laugh when I read your conversation about Scrappy driving you to the hospital. ^_^

  13. It’s so way past time for things to fall into place for this courageous heroine who doesn’t let anything stop her! You are truly astounding, Lorna.

  14. Died laughing [that’s me].

    And there I was, pistols at dawn (not that you showed up), when you were already destined to be fried to a cinder. At least you were still able to string sentences together. It’s why people should take up sign language BEFORE the cat gets their tongue. I am happy to offer you shelter – I don’t have a mortgage but you may find the daily commute a little tiring.

    Beware of that silk you mentioned and don’t put it in a hot wash.


  15. I feel ambivalent about “liking” this. Just to clarify..like the story-telling, not what happened to you!

  16. Things are smooth as silk now. Only a wrinkle or two left… 😉

  17. Were you talking about “Lucky Strike” cigarettes? Remember those. I could be their poster girl, except I never smoked and hate cigarettes.

    Yeah, I was caught up in the other side of the mortgage pendulum swing. It didn’t help that Chuck’s credit was working against me because my name was attached to so much of the business debt. I left all the property and business assets to him and assumed the debt responsibility, but my name was still on it… still is as far as I know.

  18. Thanks so much. Plucky. I like that! 🙂

  19. That’s for sure! I must be a giant inside by now… 😉

  20. Funny that you mention how funny it was. I tried to make light (ning) of the situation… 🙂 Glad you liked it!

  21. This post is funny, funny, funny, funny, funny! And did I mention how funny this was?

  22. Yep, you wake up in the morning and never know what the day will bring! Buddhists believe you can’t grow unless you go through these times, but geez, enough growth already!

  23. This has it all: plucky independent amusing heroine, lots of suspense, cute dog AND hunky firemen.

    And the photos add just the right pizzazz. I loved it.

  24. I suppose if you are going to all the trouble to be struck by lightning, the least the town can do is provide you with the hunkadoro firefighters to help you sort through it all. What a remarkable story though, and a good thing you were not disoriented sooner, such as the drive back, or your ability to call your sister. In that regard, you were quite lucky, odd as it seems to be making that statement about a lightning strike.

    Ugh, it looks like you were caught right in the middle of the Mortgage crisis afflicting the banking industry, and the accompanying hardening of the loan arteries that choked off any circulation of dollars. Not only are you dealing with the dizziness that is your life, but the goal posts keep moving on their own to boot. What a combination!

  25. Wow, you’ve certainly been through the wringer girl! I certainly hope things do begin to fall into place. I can’t believe you are once again coping with such dizziness.

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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