I think I'll head toward "Lost." I know that place well...

Lorna is confused (what’s new?) and needs answers. What’s she going to do?

“A little knowledge is dangerous.” Alexander Pope said that back in 1774 when there wasn’t much knowledge and he probably got in trouble. But not the kind of trouble I got into as I tried to figure out how to make Chuck happy with me. I was already pretty happy with myself; I just had to get him on board. The more I threw the marriage life-preserver to him, the farther away he swam.

Sheesh! I wasn't trying to hurt him or change him or snack on him. Really I wasn't.

Between the fall of 2008 and summer of 2009 I lit the fuse on dabbled in different approaches to save my relationship.

I had experience with counseling, having been through marriage counseling once and personal counseling for several years to deal with all the changes in my life. So I tried the conventional approach first and begged Chuck to try marriage counseling again. Since I was already seeing a counselor, my insurance plan would only pay if he initiated the sessions. He never refused, but he never called. Inaction is action. I didn’t want to be a nagging wife, so I stopped asking if he called after about 50 times.

I don't know why you insist on calling it "nagging." Clearly this is a case of whispering "sweet somethings" into his ear. It's not her fault if he doesn't want to hear her "sweet somethings."

Since actions speak louder than words (an English proverb, not to be confused with a cliché, which I wouldn’t be caught dead using), I rallied my inner resources and asked to attend social and business functions with Chuck. I figured that if I was more a part of his world, he would feel closer to me. Wrong! Although I think he liked showing up in a crowded room with a shapely, pretty blonde wife because of the attention we got, he seemed edgy. People who knew me commented almost incredulously on how great and healthy I looked. I thanked them but thought it was odd that they would be so flabbergasted that I was walking upright and breathing without an oxygen mask. Chuck invariably asked me if I wanted to leave early. I replied, “Only if you do.” We left early and I heard him making excuses about how I could only take “so much” of this kind of stimulation before I “crashed.”

Perhaps Chuck prepared the public for his wife to look more like this ...

... than this. You can see I'm a bit tired, but overall, not bad-looking.

Maybe I’m a dizzy blonde, but wasn’t stupid. My efforts to charm connect with Chuck nose-dived into the Bermuda Triangle. If I was going to change my situation, I was going to have to change. This is where the real trouble began.

Knowing Chuck couldn’t understand how I “gave up” on my health, I educated myself on my dysfunctional immune system. Scientists believed that inflammation irritates the heck out of the body and that’s what causes the immune system to go into battle-mode. Constant inflammation = chronic inflammatory problems. So I put myself on a very strict vegan diet and also eliminated all sugar, all processed foods, coffee, wheat gluten, and anything delicious. I lost weight, started sleeping better, and had more energy; however, I was still dizzy and I really ticked off Chuck because dining out was the only thing we ever did together. I was limited to a salad with oil and vinegar dressing, hold the croutons. But I was trying to do something about my health. Didn’t that count for anything?

Now you know the "secret" to Lorna's revolutionary "Dizzy Diet."

I discovered the magical world of Podcasts and listened to two religiously: Zencast, about Buddhism, and Theater of the Mind, a New Age program interviewing experts about metaphysical matters. Zencast helped calm me and remind me that I had a choice in every moment to act in a kind or cruel way. What would the Buddha do? I would ask myself when confronted with another Chuck-related rejection or conflict.

I tuned into Theater of the Mind when Kelley Howell was doing a series about the Mayans and 2012. The experts she interviewed explained how the Mayans live by a natural calendar where the solstices and equinoxes are powerful days. The Vernal Equinox is really powerful; it’s the day when you “plant” your intention for what you want to “grow” in the year to come. That sounded neat to me, even with the clear warnings to be very clear about what you want, because it WILL manifest. I respected the warning and asked for something I thought was beautiful, healing, and harmless. During the Spring 2009 Equinox, a dear friend and I stood outside in my yard at the exact time of the equinox and I asked for “peace.”

Request for "peace" is vague and will be interpreted in a most unusual way. You may also want to fasten your seat belts.

Once the “seed” is planted, I was supposed to leave it alone until the Summer Solstice. At that time, I was supposed to begin work on tending to the “plant.” My “peace seed” was growing in a garden of “war weeds” that summer. Chuck was very unhappy and not even martinis helped soften his edginess. During the Autumn Equinox, it was time to harvest, or reap the rewards of, what I’d planted. I sure didn’t feel like I was harvesting “peace.”

Well, if love hurts, then I guess peace can burn.

Actually, all hell broke loose that fall.

Lorna’s path to peace is anything but serene. Stay tuned.