Um. Little problem. This is an arrow pointing to my LEFT ELBOW--not known for its digital genius.

How, tell me, how is an obsessed a passionate blogger supposed to cope with crappy abysmal unreliable internet service in a hotel? I’ve called the Front Desk. They told me to call a special Computer Magic Tech Number. It was magic. The whole time I was taking to Mr. Computer Magic, I had great connectivity. When I hung up, so did my computer.

I imagine Mr. Computer Magic looked like this: confident, competent, and sure as shootin' that my connection would end when ours did.

I’m now on one of the “Guest Computers” in the lobby that the hotel kindly provides for people who:

  • don’t have their own lap top because their company is cutting expenses

    The new designer look in offices: minimalist.

  • forgot their lap top in the overhead compartment

    I should've had a V-8. Wait. That's not right. I should have let the cat in. No. That's not right either. I know I forgot something. Maybe I should check my email. Oh no...

  • lost their lap top in some naughty hotel shenanigans during the “Electrical and Wiring Conference” (no kidding, it went on until after 9:00 PM last night)–must have been shocking!

    He's still got his top, and I don't want to know what's going on with his lap. But I'm pretty sure he won't be able to find his lap top or do any electrical work tomorrow...

  • smashed their lap top and left it in their WIFI-less rooms

    The "Anger Management Conference" isn't until next week. It was postponed because of Hurricane Irene.

  • like to talk to themselves while on the computer and have other people listen–there is a very confused man sitting next to me saying things like “What in the Sam Hill is goin’ on here?”, “Come on, Girl, we can do this.” and “Dag Blammit!” His wife must be napping in their room.

    Dag Blammit! I thought we had an understanding. If I ask you questions, you're supposed to answer me. Look at me when I'm talking to you, Computer Screen!

The keys on the keyboard are shiny and slippery. Why are the keys shiny and slippery? Isn’t there a movie coming out about germs? Please tell me it doesn’t start with a nice-looking blonde women in her 40s 50s whose immune system so compromised that she only eats organic vegetables, brown rice and herbal tea (and that’s on Thanksgiving) who is forced to use a public computer in a hotel lobby because the FREE wireless feels free to come and go as it pleases. Please don’t tell me that.

OMG, if it can happen to a famous and protected star like Kate Winslet, it can happen to me. I'm doomed.

I feel the symptoms of something coming on…

  • more typos than uhusal
  • I can see my fingerprints on my fingers from keyborad goo
  • unusally long sentences that make sense only if you read them over and over and over and over again
  • continual repetition
  • paranoia and a feeling that this hotel is out to get me, which it is–I know because people are staring at me because I been at this computer for over 3 housr and over 3 hours and people open and close the door around me, going out and in and in and out, just wondering what I’m doing here

Help me before I do a Medline Seacrch…

It's worse than I though. When I started this post, I was wearing a short jeans skirt, a slinky lime green tee shirt, and black flip flops. I'm now reduced to a sloppy male skeleton. Well, my diet may have something to do with the skeleton part, but the male in sloppy clothes is all the keyboard virus's fault. And The hotel's fault for have such lousy WIFI.