If Only I Drank…

What's in her glass? It bubbles. It could be seltzer water...Boo-boo-pee-doo! Ooh!

Okay, I drink–if you count filtered water and herbal tea. A girl’s gotta keep hydrated.

But I want to celebrate. How do most people celebrate? By drinking alcohol, that’s how.  That option is off the table for me…unless I want to be under the table after 30 years of sobriety. Yeah, no. Been there. Done that.

Oh no, not again! And look at the dust bunnies under here...

Seltzer water is a fine substitute. Don’t snicker, all you social drinkers who’d rather shake it up and hose your co-workers with the stuff than drink a celebratory toast with it. I reached a completely arbitrary goal yesterday and I want to make a toast with something bubbly that won’t get me toasted.

Seltzer: refreshing in so many ways.

On June 8, 2011, I launched this blog. I was a blogging dolt. My only goal at the time was to have someone in the publishing world notice my clever posts before I dropped dead. I was going to ease gently into the pool of social networking, starting with the shallow end.

I tried to look the part, but I felt like a fish out of water. No, wait. Wrong analogy...

On June 9, one of my posts, “To Be Honest With You,” got noticed by the WordPress Overlords and it was selected to be “Freshly Pressed.” It would have been great if I had known what that meant, but I didn’t (hence, Blog Dolt). I thought that this was just something WordPress did for all new bloggers (hence, Queen of Blog Dolts).

Dude. Like I'm blown away that you, like, were so, like...clueless.

I got 3,600+ views and 50+ subscribers on one day. So much for easing gently into the pool. I was blogging 4-5 hours a day. My new job was writing this blog and keeping up with other great bloggers.

Do I look like Super Woman? How does everyone else manage to keep up with their life, their appearance and their blog?

Blogs, blogging, bloggers, blog-a-rific: these were the words popping out of my mouth at family gatherings, lunches with friends, cocktail parties, funerals. Ideas for posts were everywhere. I was passionate about my new calling; others worried about OCD, suggested therapy and tried to change the subject.

I choose not to see it as a yawn, but as a deep, contemplative breath to absorb my blog-related discourse.

When I told my nephew that my blog “mysteriously” went viral (see how quickly I picked up cyber-speak?), he said blogs that have 10,000+ hits get noticed by “sponsors” and I could make a lot of money. Money wasn’t my goal; a publisher begging me to sign a book deal, however, was. So, 10,000 views in 3 months became my arbitrary goal.

To Do List:

  1. Generate 10,000 views by August 9
  2. Publishing industry discovers and adores me
  3. Publishing industry publishes my not-yet-written book
  4. Ellen and The Daily Show book me to engage in witty repartee about my imaginary book and real blogging
  5. Remain humble and grounded while wealth accumulates

Yesterday, August 7, Lorna’s Voice hit over 10,000 views–1 day shy of its debut 3 months ago.

Rhonda Byrne, author of “The Secret”, would say that achieving this goal is proof of the power of manifestation. I say it’s proof of countless hours of writing and editing, of developing a network of amazing bloggers who care enough about my zany life to keeping checking in, and of dumb luck.

Actually, I found that old key while walking Scrappy. The rest is history.

So I’m raising a glass of seltzer water to all of you who made this possible and to my voice, finally unleashed.

I don't know what you're drinking, but The Queen of Blog Dolts is getting all bubbly inside with her seltzer water!

If any of you know anyone in interested in publishing a quirky memoir, please direct them my way…

Publishers: tired of searching for a fresh voice? This is your lucky day!

~ by Lorna's Voice on August 8, 2011.

30 Responses to “If Only I Drank…”

  1. Thanks Diana!

  2. Thanks, Izzy. And I do mean, thank YOU. My success at this blogging thing is due to people like you who keep coming back for more.

  3. Congratulations on your blogs success. I would be very surprised if people didn’t come back again and again to see what you have written … your photo’s aren’t too shabby either.

    Write – on Girl …!!!
    Toodles, Izzy

  4. A book deal–that’s the dream that started this insanity. But, even if it never comes to pass, I’m so happy to have discovered WordPress and wonderful people like you. I feel like I’m part of something meaningful and my stories ARE getting out there. That’s worth a lot! Thanks for your continual support, Ray!

  5. Thanks so much. I mean it–you helped get me there!

  6. Awesome!

  7. Congrats on your great success, and for finding your voice!

  8. Congratulations Lorna, I think it’s fantastic and I am sure someone will give you a book deal.
    Ray

  9. I’m having so much fun with finding pictures to go along with my writing–and captioning them. That’s one of the delightful surprises about blogging. I’m glad you enjoy them as much as I do!

  10. Thanks so much! You and bloggers like you and the reason for my success.

  11. I didn’t mean to brag–just to communicate the unlikeliness of it all. I hope this post didn’t come off as boastful…

  12. well done on being fresh pressed. Your success has been such that I hardly know what to say apart from “Wow”. Having been going for roughly the same time I cannot boast anything like those numbers

  13. Way to go girl – how fantastic, on all fronts.

    I’m not up to speed with this Freshly Pressed thingy and I’m clearly WAY behind on the views front, but I take pride in the fact that in the few months I’ve been blogging my views are equivalent to the contents to two Boeing 747 planeloads of folks reading my blog. It sounds more if I think about it like that anyway.

    It seems like you’re cracking on fine with that ‘To Do’ list – and I wish you all the luck in the world.

    Jacqueline

  14. WOW, I loved this. SO much work you put into it 🙂 Love Grumpy & Sophia & Marilyn and ………….. All of these classic shots, Xx

  15. Many thanks. I owe so much to bloggers like you and the other CCC’rs!

  16. Congrats Lorna. How completely awesome. Go you CCC’r go! 🙂

  17. Clink! Sip. Glug. Burp. Now, that was some celebration, and all without a drop of alcohol!

  18. So beautifully said. Thanks from the bottom of my bottomless heart.

  19. Thank you so much for your kind comments and for taking the time to read my rascally-writing. I, too, thought that the Dalai Lama’s deep, comtemplative breath was an inspiring addition to the post. It’s all in your perspective, right? 😉

  20. Congratulations–that’s an incredible accomplishment! And you deserve it–I enjoy your humorous writing–you have much talent. Also, love the photo of the Dalai Lama there, uh, taking that deep contemplative breath.

  21. Believing in yourself makes a difference. Now you have over 10,000 reasons to believe in yourself.

  22. Love the photo of the curly head, clueless kid and the caption.

    Congrats on your blogging success and sobriety!

    Just have a sprite. I’ll toast you virtually with my own.

  23. Thanks so much! I’m glad you dropped in hope you like what you see on my little adventure into blogging.

  24. Gee Wiz, thanks. I’m not a celebrity (although I am obsessed with putting up photos of movie stars and pretending they’re me).

    While you’re having a couple of drinks on my behalf, remember that I’m guzzling the seltzer water like it’s…well, water!

  25. Trust me Phil, if I ever get to anything beyond #1 of that “To Do” list, I will remain loyal to “my people” who put me where I am today (where is where, exactly?). Thank YOU for hanging in there with me. I promise there’s lots more to come!

  26. Thanks, Janet. Support from my friends is so important to me.

  27. Wow! Very impressive! You are doing great – and it’s no wonder. I love your blog and read it each time it comes out. Very funny, creative and intelligent.

  28. Congratulations! Oh, and that 30 year sober thing is also worthy of a congratulatory sentiment. Wow, 10,000 hits! In three months! Let me see, since I started blogging and calculating the number of hits… carry the two… er… um… Hey! I can reach that goal in another 7 years!

    You rock! No surprise that you’re on such a trajectory. You write good stuff, and your chief illustrator, well give that one a raise!

    I look forward to the day when I can say, “I knew Lorna when…”

  29. Dang! I didn’t even know you were ‘freshly pressed’! It must have been before I met you. But it feels like I’m talking to a celebrity now.
    And since you won’t, I’ll drink to your success. Many more successful months for you 🙂

  30. yay!! good for you, im glad you achieved the goal 🙂

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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