Where did the time go?

One month ago, I released this blog. I feel like I did 25 years ago–a clueless new mother, still so much to learn but having come quite far in a very short period of time–and my baby’s still alive. Miraculous!

Let’s do a case study comparing a clueless mother (CM) to a novice blogger (NB)…

I’ll be very unstatistical and use myself as the one subject of my case study. I’m a legitimate case study, qualifying as clueless in both maternal instincts and social networking; however, I fail to meet the test of objectivity. I’m quite opinionated when it comes to examining my behavior. Just keep that in mind as you examine my results.

  1. Both the CM and the NB have little or no idea what they are getting into. They each have an idealized vision of nurturing a bundle of magic that will bring them great joy and (eventually) fame, with the bonus of caring for them in their old age. Clearly neither the CM nor the NB have thought their plan through or done enough research. Offspring and blogs are notorious for disappearing when your Geritol is what’s keeping you going until your 8:30 bedtime.
  2. CMs and NBs spend a great deal of time preparing for the “big event”–the birth. None of these preparations are effective when the “big event” arrives. Either it’s much bigger than any human can prepare for (CM) or it passes by like an electric car in a NASCAR rally (NB).
  3. After the “big event” both the CM and the NB spend excessive amounts of time on their new bundles of joy. Obsessed is not an overstatement. Marriages and other significant relationships are strained or broken due to the mypoic focus on nurturing what is now alive. The next mission: keep it alive and make it grow. No sacrifice is too great for the CM or the NB. Sleep. Who needs it? Food. I’ll grab something eventually. Socializing. Forgetaboutit. Sex. Hahahahahaha.
  4. Stats on the new bundle of joy are critical to both the CM and the NB. Each is nervous about how they’re performing as the creator of this new being. It’s all about them, not the magical bundle. For the CM, the stats have to do with intake, output, how the new bundle measures up to other bundles, and activity levels. Come to think of it, these are the same stats NBs are keeping a careful eyes on.
  5. Both CMs and NBs find themselves talking to complete strangers who have the one thing in common that they now have in common: either a baby (CM) or a blog (NB). Prior to the “big event” neither would have interacted with these people they are now turning to daily for advice, comfort, and distraction.
  6. Both CMs and NBs learn a great deal about their friends and family once the bundle of joy is the center of either’s world. A heirarchy forms based on which of the kin shows an active interest and who among the clan keeps their distance. Duels, feuds, and 100 year wars have been fought over the slightest of slights.

Babies, blogs…I’ve experienced both. Success or failure sit on the razor’s edge of my attention and dedication. In either case, what I gave birth to was of me but became so much more than me. That’s what makes it miraculous.

You know my blog and my dog. Here's the miraculous result of my Clueless Mother Adventure: Alex!