Good old Liz, what a kidder!

When people don’t intend to be funny, they’re often funniest. See if you agree with me…

I was shopping at a Methodist Thrift Shop. Before you judge me as a fashion Neanderthal, times are tough and I don’t mind dressing a decade behind the times. I was digging through the 25-cent bin–these treasures may have some faults, like a missing arm or a stain like the birthmark on Gorbachev’s head, but, you know, you never know–when I overheard a woman asking the advice of one of the gray-haired Methodist women who run the shop.

Does this dress come in a girl's size 4?

She asked, “Is this dress too sleazy for a four-year-old?” WHAT? I had to look up to see what kind of garment she was holding. I pictured some Cher-type sequins/feather paste-on number, only in a child’s size. The ancient God-fearing woman seemed at a loss for words. I deduced this because she just stared at the woman, looking like she could use a hit of oxygen. Breaking the awkward silence I said, “Well, that’s not something you hear everyday!” They both stared at me. The awkward silence resumed. She bought the dress and the little girl’s play-date book is probably filling up fast.

A few weeks ago, my always-up-for-something-new sister, Tina, suggested that we try a new Greek restaurant in town. In a surprise turn of events, my hardly-ever-up-for-anything-new mother decided to join us. We were the only patrons at noon. The up-side was attentive, speedy service; the down-side was suspicion over the lack of other customers. We braved it because Tina is brave and we will follow her anywhere. Tina had a hankering for falafels. When my mom saw “Panini” on the menu, her eyes lit up. My diet is limited, so I had questions about the moussaka–it had to be vegan, and it was! We were set to order.

It says here you have food...

Well, not so fast. There were no falafels on the menu. The waiter explained that they were coming, but hadn’t arrived yet. Tina settled for pita and hummus and I ordered the moussaka. Mom ordered a turkey and cheese panini. When the server came back with our water, he said to my mother, “I’m sorry, we don’t have any bread, so we can’t make a panini.” My mom’s disappoint was clear but we talked her into spinach pie. The server came back within minutes, visibly pale for someone with an olive complexion. “Sorry, Ma’am, we are out of spinach.” Mom’s disappointment turned to frustration. We talked her into a small greek salad, but only after asking if they had salad.

Tina’s lunch was fine. My moussaka lacked the main ingredient: eggplant. Mom was served a bowl of shredded ice-berg lettuce. That’s it: no feta cheese, olives, or dressing.  Tina said, “This would be a pretty good restaurant if only they had…food.” We all burst out laughing. Again, I said (this time though my laughter-induced tears), “Well, that’s not something you hear every day!”

Tell me your stories of things that you just don’t hear everyday and let’s spread the laughter!