Weeds Harken “Disaster” for Local Church

Weeds Are The Devil's Handiwork

Have people forgotten the meaning of the words they use? Case in point…

Sunday lunch with Zealous Church Lady and her devoted Methodist family, was never predictable. I endured recaps of church service highlights and the latest congregational gossip. Being a Buddhist—or the equivalent among this hard-core Christian community, a heathen—I just listened with neutral disinterest. I tried not to judge, but my resolve was breached on the day when Zealous Church Lady began her lamentations about the disturbing conditions of the gardens around their church.

I wasn’t surprised at her passion. Nearly everything church-related was, to her, elevated to the importance of “red” on the Homeland Security Advisory System: the disorderly Thrift Shop inventory and bookkeeping, the inept pastor-du-jour, or the muddled music room. But the disobedient flora was simply too much for her to take. She was, among her many accomplishments, a Master Gardener. An unkempt flowerbed was sacrilegious in any plot of ground; but a messy garden around an actual house of worship was blasphemous.

One martini and two glasses of wine into the lunch, the tirade began.

“Something must be done about the church gardens. They are a complete disaster,” she said, shaking her head and clunking her wine glass down for emphasis—or because she misjudged the distance between the table and her wine glass.

I contemplated her word choice. While I empathized with—but didn’t understand—either her gardening lust or her conviction that weeds would lead to the Apocalypse, I objected to elevating the condition of any garden to a “disaster.” The dictionary defines disaster as “a calamitous event, especially one occurring suddenly and causing great loss of life, damage, or hardship.” No mention of weeds…

Disaster? Really? I think Hurricane Katrina and the Chernobyl nuclear meltdown were disasters. The weedy garden around your church is, I think, probably best described as unsightly,” I offered.

The three Christians glared at me. I was glad there wasn’t a lion’s den into which I could be thrown.

My observation was overlooked in favor of further conversation about the disastrous garden and how to intervene before the situation escalated to a cataclysm of Biblical proportions. I cleared the dishes but left the wine glasses.

~ by Lorna's Voice on May 26, 2011.

4 Responses to “Weeds Harken “Disaster” for Local Church”

  1. Thanks Isadora. This blog has really encouraged my writing, which was stuck in the mud for too long. The positive feedback I’ve gotten has given such incentive to put these stories into a cohesive manuscript. Then where to go with it?

  2. Somehow I missed this one. I’m glad I checked through some of your older posts. I enjoy this one very much. So much is said in so very little.

    A good one for done for the memoir.


  3. Great! I’m glad you liked this true story. My blog is a mixture of stories from my life that will be part of my memoir and personal observations. The thing that links them is a light-hearted approach and, hopefully, a few laugh-out-loud moments. I’m glad you want to follow my blog. If you have a blog, let me know. I’d like to take a look.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and comment on this post!

  4. I first saw your blog over on freshly pressed and I have to say I love it. I hope it’s not creepy to subscribe to it even though it seems very personal but I feel that you’re on my wavelength.

Silence can be just what the doctor ordered. You know I'm a doctor, right?

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