Voodoo Economics
Okay, technically, they were part of the 1%, but how do you think they are doing now? Yeah. They are struggling like the rest of us. At least they have a collector car.
Maybe it’s just me, but I was under the impression that America is flat broke. Isn’t that what all the candidates are sniping at each other about?
I’m just a dizzy blonde who managed to avoid taking Economics in college because, let’s face it, I cared about my reputation. Being seen with people who understood the difference between inflation and deflation but who weren’t referring to either tires or egos just made me nervous.
Hey! We’re going for a private tour of the Federal Reserve! Wanna go, Lorna?
Still, I think I’ve figured out a way to help edge us out of our current fiscal nightmare AND address my teensy casual reasonable maniacal objection to holidays. Halloween, specifically–but only because Halloween is the holiday I have to deal with right now.
Listen up, People. You’re going to want to know these true facts about Halloween. How do I know that these are true facts, as opposed to regular facts that, say, politicians and comedians use to inform the public? Because I found them on the internet, that’s how.
What? Bananas are really berries and they are radioactive? Hmm. I may have to adjust my diet. The internet may have just saved my life. Or ruined it. Either way, I’m addicted.
If you clicked on the link I provided, you probably couldn’t tell if this page was built by brainiacs at Harvard or at Yale. I know, it’s that reputable-looking.
If you didn’t click on the link, which you probably didn’t if you’re like me and just believe the blogger you’re reading or are too lazy busy, I’ll share the most important true facts. In America:
- About $3 BILLION is spent each year on Halloween costumes.
- About $500 MILLION goes to tickets for Haunted House attractions, whether they are haunted or not. I added that last part.
- About $141 MILLION is spent on pumpkins, and either that’s a lot of pie or a lot of potential jack-o-lantern related ER visits. Either way, that figure doesn’t calculate the health care costs associated with all those pumpkins.
- About $2 BILLION is spent on candy for the Trick-or-Treaters. And they never do tricks for the treats like Scrappy does.
- About $100 MILLION is spent on Halloween cards. I find this amazing. People send cards? In the mail? That means there must be a spike in postage stamp sales, too.
So, by my calculations, Americans are spending the equivalent of building 1,000 $6 Million Men for Halloween, a holiday that is either spirit-centric or sugar-centric, depending on your beliefs.
We may need to allocate some federal funds for better choppers and spiffier duds for our 1,000 handsome secrets weapons. You only get one chance to make a first impression during an invasion.
Maybe that’s America’s new military plan. Build 1,000 handsome robot men to infiltrate enemy territories near and far. Either they will flirt or hurt their way to victory. Backing them up will be legions of candy-addicted adults and kids. They will either:
- be hopped up on simple sugars and confuse or exhaust the enemy, or
- be agitated, peeved and generally unglued from the sugar-high crash and just looking for a fight.
I wouldn’t want to mess with her. Would you?
Brilliant! But I wouldn’t want to be Commander in Charge of this New Military. Why? Because loosey-goosey glucosey troops can be unpredictable and$6 Million Men-Parts have a tendency to kersplode.
But I digress. We spend a lot of money on Halloween for being a country so far in debt that most of us can’t count that high. Or would that be low since it’s debt we’re talking about?
I’m confused. If you ignore the labels (and most people do when faced with statistical charts), is this a graph of the rising national debt, the increase in expenditures on Halloween, or the blood-glucose level of Trick-or-Treaters? It could be all three.
At least the Halloween Job Creators are making out like bandits. Such was it ever…
Those fat cats with new money are always trying to horn in on our action. I’m pretty tired of them hanging on to our coattails, aren’t you?
Such party-poopers! I’d rather spend $100. on candy and Halloween decorations than give it to anyone currently running for office. Once the sugar high has leveled out and the cavities are filled we’re no worse off than we were to begin with. So bring on the zombies!
To each her own. That’s what makes life so interesting!
I love seeing the kids come to the door in their costumes, but I also love turning the porch light off at 8:30!
We usually do the Halloween thing, but didn’t this year. Scrappy is turning into a grumpy old man and doesn’t like the fuss of the doorbell ringing. Oh well…
A very Lornaesque post with true facts & accounts of why Halloween is your current holiday to detest. By Thursday you’ll be on to Thanksgiving?
You betcha!
And Halloween is just the tip of the iceberg – there’s Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and all the other days that keep Hallmark in business!
I learned that Next to Christmas, Halloween is the most commercially profitable holiday of the year. Boo-humbug!
The difference in being poor in America and poor in much of the world, is that they mean “can’t afford food” and we mean “can’t afford full-size Hershey bars for Halloween”. (poetic license freely taken)
Isn’t that the truth!
You know, at first I thought a good army would have consisted of a bunch of angry rednecks, motivated by the thought our enemies would blow up the Budweiser plant, but I worry about their ability to fight when tanked up on beer. Thinking about your plan, I don’t see a down side. I mean, they’re either all cranked up with sugar and will spin circles around the enemy, or they are downright cranky when sugar deprived, which might prove even scarier. I think you’re on to something here Lorna.
Who would have imagined a Buddhist as a Tactical Commander?
And I’m with you 100% on the Halloween Card thing. I mean, what the heck???
Well, there is such a thing as a Buddhist Warrior. We’re supposed to just be brave enough to look at ourselves honestly. But if you don’t tell anyone, I won’t.
Applause, applause!! We must be on the same wave-length…a soon to be posted post…will feature raccoons!….Sickening to think that so much is spent on Halloween….Is the end of the world Dec. 21…I need to put that down on my calendar.
Well, the end of the world as we know it. It could be a lot better… Why am I so optimistic?
Because we are crazy
Then I’m happy to be crazy!
Brilliant post!! Now when I tell the kids I didn’t have enough money for new costumes, I am adding a patriotic tone to it that says “I am doing this for our country, to help our government instead.” More like the economy has killed us kids, but hey, you’ll get some candy…
Anything I can do to help!
I just loved reading this post Lorna!!!!!!! Funny, insightful and sooo entertaining
Tweeting it now 
Glad you liked it and thanks for the Tweet-out!
Halloween is a little Alien to me
It’s a lot alien to me…
Yeah…crunch, crunch….Halloween sure is….munch, munch….a hollow holiday all right….slurp, slurp…….we could all do……chomp…..without. If I didn’t….lick,lick….think it was so……chew,chew……..important to support ….swallow, swallow…..candy industry jobs…..wait…I think I’m about to……KERSPLODE!!
I knew it, Al. You are too good to be a real man. You’re one of those 6 Million Dollar Men and one of your Man-Parts just kersploded. Don’t worry, someone in a lab coat and tool box will be by to put you back into that nice leisure suit…
Frightening… all a plot to overthrow the government by some foreign or alien body, bent on destroying the economics of the world so that they can print our credit card numbers on our arms etc…. but beware the 21 December, the Mayans are going to rise up and take on all the sugar loaded beings of the world, and destroy all sweet and chocolate factories….oh dear there is the complot of it all….
We may destroy ourselves first. At least we’re giving it the old college try!