Maybe it’s just me, but I was under the impression that America is flat broke. Isn’t that what all the candidates are sniping at each other about?
I’m just a dizzy blonde who managed to avoid taking Economics in college because, let’s face it, I cared about my reputation. Being seen with people who understood the difference between inflation and deflation but who weren’t referring to either tires or egos just made me nervous.
Still, I think I’ve figured out a way to help edge us out of our current fiscal nightmare AND address my
teensy casual reasonable maniacal objection to holidays. Halloween, specifically–but only because Halloween is the holiday I have to deal with right now.
Listen up, People. You’re going to want to know these true facts about Halloween. How do I know that these are true facts, as opposed to regular facts that, say, politicians and comedians use to inform the public? Because I found them on the internet, that’s how.
If you clicked on the link I provided, you probably couldn’t tell if this page was built by brainiacs at Harvard or at Yale. I know, it’s that reputable-looking.
If you didn’t click on the link, which you probably didn’t if you’re like me and just believe the blogger you’re reading or are too
lazy busy, I’ll share the most important true facts. In America:
- About $3 BILLION is spent each year on Halloween costumes.
- About $500 MILLION goes to tickets for Haunted House attractions, whether they are haunted or not. I added that last part.
- About $141 MILLION is spent on pumpkins, and either that’s a lot of pie or a lot of potential jack-o-lantern related ER visits. Either way, that figure doesn’t calculate the health care costs associated with all those pumpkins.
- About $2 BILLION is spent on candy for the Trick-or-Treaters. And they never do tricks for the treats like Scrappy does.
- About $100 MILLION is spent on Halloween cards. I find this amazing. People send cards? In the mail? That means there must be a spike in postage stamp sales, too.
So, by my calculations, Americans are spending the equivalent of building 1,000 $6 Million Men for Halloween, a holiday that is either spirit-centric or sugar-centric, depending on your beliefs.
Maybe that’s America’s new military plan. Build 1,000 handsome robot men to infiltrate enemy territories near and far. Either they will flirt or hurt their way to victory. Backing them up will be legions of candy-addicted adults and kids. They will either:
- be hopped up on simple sugars and confuse or exhaust the enemy, or
- be agitated, peeved and generally unglued from the sugar-high crash and just looking for a fight.
Brilliant! But I wouldn’t want to be Commander in Charge of this New Military. Why? Because loosey-goosey glucosey troops can be unpredictable and$6 Million Men-Parts have a tendency to kersplode.
But I digress. We spend a lot of money on Halloween for being a country so far in debt that most of us can’t count that high. Or would that be low since it’s debt we’re talking about?
At least the Halloween Job Creators are making out like bandits. Such was it ever…