Looking for “Love” in all the Well-Read Places, Part 2 and the End
My laptop doesn’t have antennae, but that was me each time I saw a new email from “Dwayne” my new Goodreads “friend” and erotica connoisseur. Well, I typically keep my blouse buttoned up because it’s getting cold around here and I have enough health problems.
I thought it was cruel to make you wait too long to see what happened between Creepy Tom Jones Look-Alike and his innocent naive idiot Goodreads target (me).
When last we left the ping-pong emails, I asked “Dwayne” how he found me among the 11 million members of Goodreads.
At 5:12 he responds:
ii did a search and liked your picture
well if you dont like erotica, you probably won’t like me
Whoo boy. It was clear he didn’t even look at the books I had read. Wasn’t this a site for book readers? This guy was trawling gravatars and using “erotica” as a code word for “sex,” which I suppose it is. He found my gravatar, saw my blonde bangs and blues eyes and thought I was just another blue-eyed blonde desperately seeking anonymous S.E.X. and a good book to read afterwards.
Book clubs are so passe. I’m into book tubs, the perfect end to an evening of “Dwayne” time on Goodreads, don’t you think?
Perhaps I should have ended it there, but I was raised to be polite. I never hung up on anyone…on purpose. (I can’t be responsible for Vonage and their propensity to drop calls.)
I responded:
Not only am I old-fashioned, I’m old. Almost 55 to be exact. And I’m married [not technically, but what's a little lying between cyber-stalkers and victims?]. Given the situation, should I unfriend you or should you unfriend me? See how old-fashioned I am? I don’t even know the proper protocol. [My motto: always be nice to creepsters who could ruin your life in ways I can't even begin to imagine.]
I may be a “newb” as my son called me, but I know enough about the internet to know that people aren’t always who they represent themselves to be and they can find you even if you don’t give out personal information. I’ve seen The Net with Sandra Bullock.
His last response to me was at 5:42:
you should if you want to
wow married and you look hott for 55
i had a few older lovers who were married
but do what you feel best doing
That’s when I knew for sure he wanted more than just my mind.
And it wasn’t for my excellent balancing skills or fashion sense, either.
Here’s what I learned from my experience:
- If you are looking to “hook up” in cyberspace, don’t limit yourself to traditional dating sites. Craft sites, home improvement sites, food sites–imagine the possibilities!
- If you’re not looking to “hook up” in cyberspace, pick a gravatar that is scary and make up a profile that reads like you’re the dangerous one.
- If you don’t know what cyberspace “hooking up” really means, and if you are still using the term “cyberspace,” have a long talk with one of you kids.
- The internet is like an ocean. There are guppies like me and there are sharks like “Dwayne.” To survive you need a savvy and/or a take-no-prisoners personality. Since I have neither, I’m totally sunk…or belly-up.
I filed a complaint with Goodreads, but they haven’t gotten back to me. “Dwayne” is no longer my “friend.” He unfriended me before I could unfriend him. So much for me doing what I feel is best. Is it strange that I feel a little rejected right now? Maybe if I imagine him as pukoid loser sitting in front of his computer all day in his messy apartment I’ll get over my feelings of being dumped.
Yeah. I feel better now.
Now I’m left with a decision. What should I do to prevent this kind of thing from happening again? Here’s here I need your help.
I await your response. My future writing and your future reading depend on it! No pressure…
What? Is she saying what I think she’s saying? We must do something to keep this sweet child at Our beck and call.
[...] cyber sex by a creepster on Goodreads, who was booted off Goodreads, by the way. I asked in that post what I should do. I got about 120 hits on that post. 18 people “liked” it. About 20 [...]
I’m glad I don’t encounter that sort of slime-ball anymore. (Well, I haven’t for years, anyway). I’ve got a sixth-sense for them and don’t respond to anything they say. In fact, I do what you did and complain or report them, instead. I mean, who the hell needs crap like thta? We’ve got enough crap of our own without other people’s!
That said, years ago I used to find friends via personal ads and the weirdos that would reply to those no longer bears thinking about…
I’m happy to say I wasn’t the only one to complain and he is GONE from Goodreads! I sure hope this doesn’t happen again. Thanks for sharing your story, Val.
You have to admit, it’s a cross between being flattered and being creeped out that you throw up in your mouth a little. I’d offer you advice, but I don’t ever get any action. Maybe I need to get a fake avatar of how I look…
Since I have a little experience in this area (and assuming you want some “action”, which is probably a really back assumption and idea), don’t go with the Tom Jones, open shirt look. Too obvious. By the way, Goodreads got back to me. Apparently there were other complaints about good old “Dwayne” and he was kicked off the site. So maybe he didn’t unfriend me after all. Maybe Goodreads unfriended him.
Perhaps good old Dwayne’s eyesight wasn’t so sharp from years and years of … er… well you know, and thought he was signing up to a site called Goodheads and not Goodreads.
Oh my. Plausible. But, oh my! (Can you feel me blushing?)
I’ve found that having a duck as a gravatar is a good way not to be embarrased by unecessary attention. At least I think it is the duck.
I was thinking about an animal and then I thought about a certain kind of pervert out there…Never mind. On the internet, anything and everything is possible. Fortunately and unfortunately.
Old at fifty five?
You jest mi Lady thou art in thy prime and ready for a knight of, I mean a night of… Never mind, one over zealous naughty boy is enough for one week 
lol Hmm… So Dwayne is stalker of Gravatars is he, well obviously he is lacking in the skills of romanticism, after all he is just a creepy Neanderthal, and with knuckles scraping on the sidewalk as he crawls along to prove it…
A great follow up to part one Lorna, it was definitely a wicked read for my Tuesday morning and I hope that you are not pestered by any other chncer on the make… bloody creepos
lol
Andro xxx
My sense is that this is pretty rare on Goodreads. I won’t join anymore online groups. I am just delighted that my first thought was, “Oh, great! This will make a wonderful blog post!” This is how my mind works now…
Glad you liked this little series, Andro, and thanks for the compliment!
I no longer go on Facebook but when i did a 550 pound naked man – yes, naked photo was shown – wanted to friend me. I think he was hungry and no one was bringing him food. He thought I might be a tiny snack he could eat. UGH ….. !!!
When you said he unfriended you my first thought was – Oh no, he didn’t get the last word… Damn.
I’m so glad I don’t have a Facebook account! UGH is right! And I’m so used to not getting in the last words, that I’m perfectly fine with the way it ended. Maybe my silence spoke more eloquently and effectively than anything I could have actually said in a closing comment back to him.
I know you’re right. Sometimes, not saying anything is louder than shouting and angry responses. But – just thinking about my angry response it in my mind sounded so good. hahaha
Yes, my angry responses sound perfect in my mind. The few times I’ve been bold enough to say them out loud, something got lost in the translation.
hahaha … and you speak English … hahaha
Oh dear, yes, Dwayne was really up the harmless end of the pool, comparatively speaking. Just make up some guidelines for yourself and stick to them, for example, no replying to guys who include the word erotica or can’t spell hot
Now you just gave me another idea for a blog post! Thanks!
Lorna, I really think you should give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe if you got to know him, you’d like him.
Just thought I’d put in my two cents.
Sincerely, Dway….er….uh…I mean… Al.
Too funny, Al, too funny.
How do I know that’s you hugging your wife or is that just some woman you picked up on the beach?
At my age, the only trolling I do on the beach is with my metal detector. However, if the necklace happens to be around a bikini clad sunbather, well…..
You have to learn to pick your battles, Al. But I’m sure you already know that.
Maybe if you take Fifty Shades of Gray off your “must read books” list on Goodreads it will change the sort of people you attract.
The thing that I really can’t understand is, does this sort of approach work for men? Is this what “dating” has evolved into – he doesn’t even have to spring for dinner before some idiot will give him free sex? Hell, at least a working girl gets paid for it.
Grumble, grumble, grumble. There is a lot about modern life that I do not like.
Yeah, I like life about “pre-internet creep” years ago. I haven’t read 50 Shades of Gray and don’t intend to. If the guy took a look at my reading list, he should have asked me out for a thrilling game of Majong!
You can friend me on Goodreads, Lorna! I’m safe. :0)
Cool, I’ll look for you! And I promise I won’t be creepy about it.
I’ve seen cyber-comeons through Twitter, but never through Goodreads. Do you suppose those with sex on the mind now skip the bars and go to the library to ‘hook up?’ Perhaps they could discuss the latest best seller once the act is done. And isn’t it good to have something in common with those you sleep with?
Seriously, I guess the lesson is to explore social media with caution. It’s something we all have to look out because it isn’t going to go away.
I just never imagined that a site like Goodreads would be one you would have to watch out for. But that’s just naive me…
“Maybe if I imagine him as pukoid loser sitting in front of his computer all day in his messy apartment I’ll get over my feelings of being dumped.”
I shutter to think of all the closed apartment doors I vacuum past – and what the tenants are doing inside…
unfriend, stay safe and be glad they are in ‘cyberspace!’ but don’t change your gravatar – it’s fabulous!
-Lee
Thanks, Lee! Yes, you see so many closed doors. Who knows what’s going on behind them…
In fairness, he seemed fairly polite, and because you were nice and polite, he might have felt at first you were encouraging him. But yes, when someone says ‘Erotica’ in their first contact with you, when it’s not something you have listed as an interest, then the alarm bells need to maybe ring a bit sooner! I’m the same though, I find it hard to be rude to people unless I’m really pushed!
That’s what my son said. He said by even responding that I was encouraging him. I still operate in the old days when you reply to people and you trust them. I don’t want to stop that, but it seems I might have to.
Before friending any one in the future, maybe you should send a questionnaire,, get bloggers(Your Friends) to each send you a question that could be asked. May be 30 or so questions, and if that person responds with all answers then, he/she is possibly a friend in the making.. All the Dwaynes out there would not waste their time or have the intelligence to fill the form in.. hee! hows that suit Lorna,, lovely post and read, enjoy it ..;)
Great idea. If you really want to be my friend, you mind being vetted by this CIA agent, will you?
Like
I like the way it ended, too!
OH Dear I thought that maybe there was something going to come of this… you dumped him,, no no he dumped you… what a let down.. I thought we were going to enjoy the romance and cyber hook up of the century… you should have slowly reeled him in and at the last minute delivered a kick to the area of his family jewels… lol
Add a fuller photo to your gravatar, the mystery might lessen… its the fact that some wonder if you have a mouth or just fingers to talk with…lol
First you want me to be a tease and reel the guy in and then you tell me to not be so much of a tease with my picture. Which is it? (I’m only kidding, I hope you know that!)
Kidding ..??? you never… (*sarcasm) I love the half face picture the trouble is some conjure up all sorts of images and those, or that, is probably the problem with your proposer… reel him in then kick him where the sun don’t shine… I love your blog…
Thanks so much. I love your comments!
Where to start, Lorna? So much Angst. 55 is old? Well, you could have fooled me. Old starts when you need a Zimmerframe. And even then you’ll have something to hold onto.
A few years ago I took apart a columnist on a national newspaper. The guy was awful. Awful. He needed to be taken down a peg or two. Naturally, mud slinging being a spectator sport, I was egged on by all other commentators. Not that I needed any encouragement. In despair he posted comments back to me under assumed names. What that dumb nut didn’t realise that I can identify someone’s writing style a mile off. So no hiding there. It’s the only time in my life I humiliated someone. Big time. Then he phoned me , read me one of his poems, And got off on it. By his own (later) admission. On the phone. Literally. Being one of life’s innocents I was wondering why he was suddenly snoring. And yes, he was fired from that paper. Not because of jerking off on the phone (this is the first time I have ever mentioned it) but because he had made such an ass of himself. And no, I never “pleasured” him again.
So, all in all, without wishing to prick your balloon, I think you got off lightly.
U
Gosh, U, thanks for making me feel better. Really? That happened? I don’t want to think about all the nut jobs out there–and I’m not talking about squirrels!
*smiles and chuckles* my advice is when more of these types appear and they will, believe me … give them a good old talking to or just give them lots of attitude, just whatever suites your mood on the day
*Hugs*
I’ll have to adopt some alter-ego Lorna who is a kick-butt broad. The real me doesn’t even swear! Oh my, I need a body guard…