Looking for “Love” in All the Well-Read Places, Part 1
In an uncharacteristic move, I’m going to come right out with it. There’s no delicate way to put this. I can’t sugar-coat this turd to make it look like a gourmet dessert called Death by Chocolate that you pay $9.99 for at some chichi restaurant. Nope. I have to just blurt it out.
I was propositioned for S.E.X. (Something Engrossing ending in “X”). Online. By a stranger. A young, swarthy one, who looks a lot like Tom Jones’ grandson (shirt open to expose his chest, fluffy hair–the works). I know this because of his gravatar and you can always trust the photos people use for their gravatars, right?
I use a recent picture for my gravatar so everyone does, right? Sure, their are cartoon characters, animals, or famous people gravatars, but how do I know that they aren’t really cartoon characters, animals, or famous people? The alien-looking gravatars freak me out, though. Am I making contact with extraterrestrials? What must they think of humans if I’m the one they are talking to?
But I digress (which is kind of characteristic of me). Back to my cyber-sex-creepster.
Let’s be clear:
- I’ve never been on a dating site.
- I don’t have accounts on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Pinterest, or any of those new-fangled social media thingies I don’t even know about.
- I’m a member of AARP, but I’m pretty sure they keep their member information as secure as Depends undergarments keep pee from staining the stretchy pants of their members when they sneeze.
- I have a wonderful relationship with Phil. There happen to be two of them, but our relationships are very different.
- I joined Goodreads.com because I’m a book geek.
- I buy a lot of tea from Amazon.com.
- I have a blog that some people like to visit.
Do I fit the profile of someone looking for a hot date with a virtual stranger?
Thank you. I didn’t think so either. But one of the items on the list above put me on the cyber “hubba hubba” market.
Care to guess which one?
Here’s what happened.
I’ve been a member of Goodreads for a few months. In that time I’ve gotten 3 friend requests. I don’t know why they have “friends” on this site. Discussion forums, I understand; “friends,” not so much. Anyway, being the affable person, I accepted each request and never heard from these “friends” again.
On Wednesday (10/10/12), which in numerology must mean “creepsters will find you,” I got a another friend request from “Dwayne.” This isn’t the name connected to his gravatar but it could be his real name in real life. I know, it’s confusing to me, too. I saw “Dwayne’s” picture and wondered, “Huh, this guy reads memoirs?” But, like all the others, I accepted his friend request. This was at 3:12 pm.
At 4:26 pm, I got this email from “Dwayne:”
nice to meet you
what are your intersts?
i have a strong interest in erotica
I hope that doesnt turn you off?
I don’t generally jump to conclusions, but this time, I did.
- He has very poor grammar and language skills.
- He seems polite enough. But it’s hard to maintain an air of respect for a person and work the word “erotica” into your introductory remarks.
Here’s how I responded:
No erotica for me! I’m an old-fashioned gal who likes to read memoirs and novels with twisty plots and three-dimensional characters. How did you find me, anyway? Just curious.
To find out what happened next, stay tuned…