The Worst Fairy Tale Ever, But a Clever Award Post
I’m glad I told those people from “Locks for Love” to scram. This hair rope thing is totally going to work and it’s not going to hurt at all when I fall. I’m a blonde and I’ve thought this through. I look great in lavender, dead or alive.
Once upon a time, two very generous and sweet bloggers nominated me for two very generous and sweet blogging awards. At the time, I was being held captive in the spire of a castle by some freaky-deaky villain of the Snidely Whiplash meets Cruella DeVille variety (I know. Scary, right?). Well S/He had me locked in this tower and my only chance of escape was to let my hair grow long enough so I could climb down it, which, because I’m blonde, I thought would work. Well, guess what? It didn’t. You see, my hair is very fine and once it grows past my neck, it gets all split-endy and I have to get it trimmed or I start to look like crap, which, because I’m vain just isn’t going to happen.
See? And what’s worse is that it grows up instead of down, which kind of defeats the whole rope-hair-escape plan.
Plus, I was kind of obsessed with my book and backed off of my blog, blah, blah, blah. (Note to self: Next book should NOT be a fairy tale because this one kind of sucks so far.)
And I suppose this would be the perfect Tinkerbell in my fairy tale, right? Wait, I’m even mixing up fairy tales. Some one stop me before I do some real damage.
So, Snidely DeVille must have gotten sick of me whining about the view or something and let me out. Well, the first thing I did after getting a nice hair cut was to check my email and I saw two things that really surprised me:
- The notice from Write, Wrong and Everything In Between Reviews that I was nominated for The Beautiful Lipstick Award.
- The notice from Musings From a 22 Year Old that I had, once again, been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award, which now has a new decidedly non-green look to it, so I consider it a whole new award.
- Several bloggers signed up to follow my blog during the time that I was locked in my ivory tower (did I mention the ivory part?)/working on my memoir. I wasn’t blogging and they noticed me. Now, that’s flattering or creepy, but I choose flattering.
Okay, so I noticed three things that surprised me. My math skills suffered due to isolation and obsessive writing and complaining.
So, if two heads are better than one, and they are both traveling toward each other at the same rate of speed (slowly), but one started before the other (the woman), how long will it take before they get their damn drinks? I’m no good at these kinds of math problems.
We all know the rules that come with blogging awards.
- Gratitude–THANK YOU Write, Wrong and Everything In Between Reviews and Musings From a 22 Year Old for selecting me as one of the bloggers in your community of bloggers who you thought deserved to be recognized. Really, thank you and please go visit these two fine blogs. Don’t let the undeniable fact that I am about three months late in acknowledging your generosity and thoughtfulness or the poke-funnery tone of this post diminish my sincere thanks and respect for these bloggers. It’s just the way I roll after I’ve been cooped up way too long working on my first book.
- Sharing the Love–I decided to offer both awards to every blogger that started following my blog after I stopped blogging. I’ll name them in a moment. These people either stumbled upon me or were referred to me, but they liked what they saw and…wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute! Maybe they saw I hardly ever post and I would be a great person to follow because I would be hardly any drain on their time by filling up their in boxes with incessant posts. Ha! You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourselves into! Bawhahahaha… (Note to self: Next book should NOT be a book about Sharing the Love because this part doesn’t feel all that loving right now.) Oh yeah, I have to notify each blogger that I’m awarding them with something great. That’s important. It gets people excited and I’m all for that.
- Self-Disclosure–I’m supposed to tell the entire world (you know how news spreads) my secrets. I just did that in my memoir and on the 280+ blog posts I’ve done, but I suppose I have to deliver the goods because people like it when goods are delivered.
- MY Rule–When I pass awards around, I like to cut the strings that are attached so that people don’t feel compelled to follow the standard rules. If you want to play along, great. But if you’d rather just accept the awards and move on with life, that’s okay by me. I roll that way, too. I guess I’m just rolly-polly at heart.
AND
Here are the bloggers who I nominate for BOTH the Versatile Blogger Award and the Beautiful Lipstick Award. (Note to Readers: the first award is self-explanatory; I really don’t know what the second one is for, so I’m going to make something up. This award is one you would give to someone if you could go up to them and give them a great big kiss just because. How’s that?)
Awardees, be sure to place these placards on your walls of fame! If you don’t have a wall of fame, get busy creating one.
Now, what would you like to know about me that you don’t know already?
- I love puns, especially the gooey cinnamon ones or the kind I see on those people running track and field in the Olympics. Wowza! Oh, I did say puns, not buns…
- I believe that there’s a right way to load a dishwasher, which means that, yes, people, there’s a wrong way to do it–the way where the detergent and water don’t get to the surfaces of the dishes because they are stacked in such a way that they cover each other up. Why don’t perfectly smart people (most men, some women, and all teenagers) understand this?
- Just because I’m correct about the theory of loading a dishwasher properly, I don’t expect that I always have to unload the dishwasher.
- Apparently I don’t understand the difference between self-disclosure and complaining.
- I’ve never smoked anything: not cigarettes, pot, crack, or salmon.
- I take that back. My step-grandfather let me take a toke on his pipe once and laughed until he almost peed his pants while I coughed and gagged until I almost peed mine. I was nine years old, hence, #5. I wasn’t supposed to inhale. He “forgot” to tell me.
- I don’t know how many times you’ve won the Versatile Blogger’s Award, but I’ve won it twelve (12) times. Does that seem like a lot? It seems like a lot to me. I must be very versatile. I guess I didn’t know that and you did, so this doesn’t really count but I’m leaving it on the list because I don’t have anything else and 7 seems like a good number to end on.
- Apparently I give a lot of thought to the power of numbers. I wonder if eight is a good number to end on? I hope so.
And they all lived happily ever after (until the next round of awards, May The Force be with us all).
You know, the end of the fairy tale. I knew I shouldn’t try to write a fairy tale.
[...] August, Lorna’s Voice gave me the Beautiful Lipstick award and the Versatile Blogger [...]
Hi Lorna! Thanks again but I forgot about this until last night when I was scrolling through. I’ll get down to it as soon as I can. These are two more on my shelf and it’s getting pretty heavy, not that I’m bragging or anything like that
By the way, I’d like to put your blog up in the “Blogs I recommend” page and what I was thinking was seeing that you don’t have a button maybe I can use a part of your header that includes your blog’s name instead. I don’t know, but please let let know if you say I could go ahead.
Yes, I’d be honored to be included in the blogs you recommend. I never thought about a button for my blog and don’t know how to create one. Any suggestions or tips?
Quill had made a little tutorial on how to make one on her post: Creating a Blog Button
If you have problems with it, let me know and I see what I can do
Great, I’ll check it out!
I tried and the button it created showed only half of my picture. You have to scroll to see the other half. Don’t know how to fix that…
Okay. I figured it out. You can use the picture of me. It used to be a gravatar, but now it’s a blog button and I fancied it up a bit. Thanks again!
Nice! When your button was made there were two sets of codes, if you’ll recall. One was supposed to be in a big box, the other was in a little box below you picture. Which one did you copy to this blog?
You’ll see my button on my blog has a code at the bottom. Your button was supposed to look like that too so readers can easily copy your code onto their text widgets.
So I’m guessing you used the code from the small box.
I probably used the wrong code, but it was the only one I could get to make the button appear. Hmmm. Technology is not my strong suit. I’ll try again.
Ummmm … I confused myself so please don’t hurt you head over what I just said. I took the liberty of doing this:
Paste it in a text widget and see how it turns out.
Argh! The thing I just said to copy didn’t turn out right. I can email it to you.
Well done on the awards. As to dish washer loading. Its funny how that is the source of so many strong opinions and disagreements. Perhaps if Hilter had had a dishwasher to fret over he would have become so distracted that he would never have got round to invading Poland. Whose to say
Good point!
Don’t want to seem like a smarty-pants here, Lorna, but one of Pythagoras’ theories of numbers is that “9′ is the number of ‘endings’ … moving right along … congratulations on the awards, y’blood’s worth bottling woman! cheers catchul8 molly
YOU ARE SO DESERVING!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATS!! Loved the post as always
[...] The Versatile Blogger Award, by Mondrak, Preston Fuller, The Wish Factor, The Embiggens Project, Lorna’s Voice [...]
I’m back from the Olympics! Thank you for the award nominations
You are quite welcome. I trust you enjoyed your weekend at the Olympics.
There was much drinking and cheering, I slept for 15 hours from midnight until 3pm this afternoon so it must have been good if my body needed that long to rest haha!
How awesome is that – thanks for including me!
Happy to do it! My best to you and to your blog.
Congrat, my dear. If I did the award thing, I would surely nominate you for the laugh out loud award! I love stopping by your blog.
Thanks! I can never do the straightforward thing. But that’s what makes me, well, me, right?
Soon, you will need a blog just to showcase your awards. Congrats on coninuing to make these fun and amusing posts. You, definitely, deserve another award to showcase your fabulous talent.
Toodles,
Izzy
This one was long overdue. I feel good to have it done, but it was fun doing it, too.
Thanks for your ever-present support and encouragement for my zaniness!
Thanks, Lorna! Who know following a great blog like yours would get me an award, much less two?! I’ll try to live up to the honors!
Aw, thanks! You already lived up to the honor, so easy peasey.
You may or may not believe this but in our house I’m the dishwasher loading perfectionist. My biggest peeve is loading dishes haphazardly so that you can’t get the maximum number in and thus make it inefficient and needing to use more energy due to extra washes. I have it figured out exactly how to best load each type of dish and utensil. Opps, I just realized I’ve outed myself as “dishwasher retentive”. Oh well. By the way, I do unload it too (and I have the burned fingers to prove it.)
Notice, Al, that I said “most men” leaving open the possibility that men like you (Bless You) exist! I didn’t think I could love you more, but you keep luring me into your golden web of awesomeness!
Just call me Spiderman.
Now I’ve got this visual of you in a spandex suit and I’m telling you Al, we’re heading over a dangerous cliff. But, wait! You’re Spiderman. No problem…
I think your post on “Dishwasher Tactics. A Guide to efficient cleansing” could be a big hit Al. This is the kind of expertise we all need to get full use from this vital resource.
I love that title, Ducks. Or maybe even “Down and dirty, what a load!”
Sure, Al, just use my blog to get more notoriety for writing another clever blog. I don’t mind…
Who brought up the topic of dishwashers first?…..hmmmmmmmm?….. not to mention you have 12,000 more followers than me. My momma didn’t raise no dummies.
Correct me if I’m wrong (but I’m not, so don’t bother), but if your momma did not raise no dummies, she raised dummies. It’s the old double negative, thing, Al.
That’s what I get for going with the vernacular. You can take the professor out of the classroom, but you can’t take the professor out of the gal.
You’ll have to forgive me, Al. I’ve been spending way too much time editing my book.
I’ll be scouring it for correct grammar. See what you started.
I can assure you, any funky grammar issues you find are there intentionally and are for literary effect (or is it affect?). That’s my story and I’m sticking with it!
Thank you very muchly!
You are welcome just as muchly!
Great post today. Thanks so much for sharing. I enjoy reading your blog very much!
It pays to write:
Writers Wanted – Writing Jobs Available
Thanks!
Thank You Lorna! I’ll need to figure out how to put the placard on my blog and now I feel compelled to do a really good job from here on out. LOL I’m very new to blogging and I have a lot to learn but you have inspired me to keep on blogging!
Great! To get the placards all you have to do is right click on the image and copy the URL. Then go to your dashboard and find the “widget” section. One of your options will be “Images” You can drag that over to your side bar as many times as you want. Open it up and paste the URL in the appropriate box. You may have to play around with the size. I usually set it to a height of 150 and width of 200. Hope that helps.
These awards are so great for new bloggers. They get you noticed and they feel so darned good! I’m happy to have made your day!