You Can’t Attend the Kentucky Derby Topless
No, no, no! The wealthy women are supposed to be wearing the silly hats, not the horses of the wealthy people…
The Kentucky Derby is nothing to sneeze at, unless you’re a horse and you can’t help yourself.
This is no ordinary horse race; it’s a big deal. Why? Because:
- It’s the first race in the Triple Crown (three hoity-toity races, which hardly any one horse ever wins because they made Thoroughbreds better back when I was young just like they made almost everything better back when I was young, including me).
- It provides a welcome break from your typical sports broadcasts of golf, basketball, baseball, golf, NASCAR, tennis, and golf.
- There is a party atmosphere surrounding the Kentucky Derby. To top off that festive ambiance, women regale themselves with all manner of
kerfloofle…elaborate hats.
I’ve watched the Kentucky Derby (and The Preakness and Belmont Stakes) for as long as I can remember. It’s a tradition with me. Since I don’t like heat and humidity, I’ve always watched these races from the comfort of my home in the north. Last year, most of my family convened for a party for some other reason, but it happened to be on Derby Day and I said I wanted to watch it. So did my mom. We turned the party into a Derby Party. After watching 11 hours of pre-race programming and seeing all the goofy…dazzling hats women were wearing, I got the bright idea that all the women in our family should wear hats at post-time. My sister rustled up enough hats (some were baseball caps) and we watched Animal Kingdom thunder across the finish line. Someone suggested we make Derby Day an annual party event and I suggested we wear proper hats next time.
I know it wasn’t befitting the cherished tradition, but we were desperate to feel like we were part of it. Give us some points for trying.
The 2012 race was on. The women in my family have been scheming in secret because the 138th Kentucky Derby isn’t just about the Thoroughbreds this year: it’s about who is going to come up with the best, most creative, most outlandish hat.
I have my money on me. I’ve been working on this darned hat for two weeks; but I’ve been thinking about it for months. Creative genius takes time…time away from other creative endeavors like one’s memoir. I hope my efforts were worth it. What do you think?
I can’t take credit for making the hat or the feathers, but the “roses” are mine. They are fabric roses for my “Run for the Roses” hat. Clever, huh?
This is the front of the hat. In case you’re wondering, I’m resting it on top of a lamp shade for these pictures. I know, usually people wear lamp shades after a crazy party, but, remember, this is me we’re dealing with.
Back of the “Run for the Roses” hat. The yellow ribbon dangles down to the middle of my back. Too much?
Close-up of the “rose” in the center of the ribbon.
Close-up of the cluster of “roses” on the side of the hat.
I’ll be taking pictures at the Derby party, so you’ll see my competition (and see me wearing the hat). No matter how it turns out, I won’t be going to this party topless and everyone is sure to have a splendid time. Stay tuned for the results and photo finish…
I can’t stand the suspense. Who will win the contest? Oh, yes, and which horse will win the race? Will we have a Triple Crown winner this year? The last time was Affirmed in 1978.
[...] I stalled, what with making my Kentucky Derby hat, making Scrappy home-baked biscuits, clipping coupons I will never redeem, and watching smartly [...]
The picture of the cats is priceless as is the hat you created. It is perfect in every way. It has to be extremely ostentatious. My friend has a Kentucky Derby every year. We all have to wear hats. The men wear jackets with waste coats. I thought she was mad the first time I attended. Then, I found it quite a lot of fun. We have bets going on, mint julips and lots of fun games inlcuding the best hat. I think you’re on your way to an ongoing tradition. I know you’re the winner but I’ll check back.
Toodles,
Izzy
Sounds like you’re in on the fun, too. I’d love to see your hat…
Superb creation, Lorna. I also like your gravatar photo. Jordan, who’s oogling you over my shoulder, mumbled “fascinating eyes”, thought he was punning for a second, as you’d look good in a fascinator, with feathers on race day, cheers catchul8r molly
I thank you and Jordan. This is my “Lorna: Woman of Mystery” phase (now that I’ve revealed all of my secrets on this very public blog!!
Love your hat and your family tradition! Can’t wait to see the photos!
Coming up later today or tomorrow. I needed a day to recover from the hoopla!
Not sure how invested your family is in the hat project, but I think yours is a winner! Beautiful! See, I know nothing about the Kentucky Derby…I used to wonder…dogs or horses? Now I know, I learned so much from this post…
Thanks for the smiles, love the post and your new photo!
Thanks so much! The results are now in. I’ll be posting them (and all the photos soon).
Yes tricked into calling but hey I knew that you weren’t going to be riding topless, well not in the Derby anyway
Hey I meant the Grand National, not what you were thinking Lorre 
lol I like this one my fine and wicked young friend, yes very nice indeed 
Androgoth XXx
You should know me by now, Andro. I’m not that naughty!
The hat looks pretty amazing to me and should make a pretty good impression. Funnily enough someone invited me over to the States to go to the Derby but I couldn’t afford the fare sadly. Perhaps next year
Maybe I’ll get to go someday, too!
My hat’s off to you , Lorna. Is there any end to your talents? Can’t wait for the pictures.
And wait until you see the trophy I just whipped up for the person who picks the winner of the Derby… I’m having way too much fun with this!
Love your hat. It incorporates elements of the race and its tradition with your unique twist.
We are combining the watching of the Derby with Cinco de Mayo and during all the pre-race stuff we’re having a few Mexican appetizers and later a Mexican dinner.
Same here. I’m bring Gazpacho to the “pot luck” style gathering. At least I know it’s vegan and I’ll have something to eat!
Yes, Lorna, that conconction of yours shows not only your usual dedication to that which I myself tend to avoid: Thorns and millinery. It’s given me a glimpse into your extravagant soul. “A rose, her name is Lorna, so much fauna…”. please do set to the tune of Capacabana “Her name was Lola and she was a showgirl…”
U
PS Can I borrow the owl’s straw, please. It’s so me. Unadorned. Simple yet stylish. Neither will I block anyone’s view. Though, on this occasion,and not to stand out or disappoint you, I will carry a rose in my beak. Which will greatly hinder me from accepting offers to “Have Another”. Wishing you and your family a great day.
I’ll ask the owl. My sense is that she won’t give a “hoot” whoo wears her hat, as long as I tell her that someone wise and wonderful (just like her) will be wearing it.
Later… What did I say, Lorna, no cruelty intended: “Have Another”. Not that I am a barmaid.
U
Your hat is just lovely. Love the flowers. How fun!
Can’t wait to see what everyone else comes up with… And can’t wait to show all of you!
What a wonderful looking hat. It sounds like you are all going to have a wonderful time!
Oh yeah! This is my kind of party–not at my place so I can leave any time!!
What a terrific idea — run for the roses!
As I said, I’ve been thinking about this for a while…I really need to get a life!
Nice pics!
Thanks! Glad you stopped in and commented, too!
Love it! I can’t wait to see you modeling it!
I love wearing hats. I find all racing, even beautiful horses, boring — but I LOVE the hat wearing of the Kentucky Derby. How fun! I can’t wait to hear all about the lovely/crazy hats you go up against.
Me neither. I’m filled with anticipation. The race will be kind of anti-climactic…
Love the hat Lorna! The blue is the perfect color to match those eyes, and the rest of the bling to match your colorful personality. I’ve got my $2 on Lorna – to win. Enjoy the party and the race.
I’ll be watching for the next edition of the Divine Miss L in addition to this, because I think the search bots are going to have a field day with your very clever title!
haha … I think you are right about the search bots!
Yeah, I kind of do set myself up for some of the wacky searches that land here, don’t I?
When I came up with the title I was recalling a funny episode of The Beverly Hillbillies in which Ellie May and Granny were starting up a diner and they called it a “Topless Diner” because they refused to wear hats (violating food safety code and getting Mr. Drysdale and Miss Hathaway involved). Lots of men came to the topless diner only to find Ellie May and Granny fully clothed but without hats. That’s where I got the idea. See how innocent I really am?
Awww!!! That’s a great idea! I love the derby. I have actually attended once, and I had a great time. I love watching it and your party idea is great!
Maybe someday I’ll actually go the the real race. For now, this is a fine way to enjoy the festivities.