Epilogue…Just Because

I would've deserved this if I'd left you without some kind of closure to this roller coaster ride I took you on.

Not so fast. You didn’t think I could finish my story just like that, did you?

One of the worst parts of reading a good book (for me, at least) is reading the last page. I turn that last page to see if there’s something, anything, more I can read: inane discussion questions, self-promotional author interview, recipe for vegan gluten-free carrot cake without sugar.

Sometimes there’s an epilogue.

I have some loose ends that need tightening tucking in screwing…oh, whatever the heck one does with loose ends.

Alex lives the life of an independent young man who will one day become President of some country deserving of his intelligence, compassion and infuriating excellent debating skills—maybe Switzerland (which translates into “Best to stay neutral”). In the meantime, he continues to learn from the very best: Dr. Who (who, ironically, isn’t so neutral).

Hmm. This looks a bit sticky. Might be best if the humans and aliens sort this one out while I repair the TARDIS.

Scrappy’s head has gotten a little larger since his Internet fame, but maybe he just needs a hair cut. He’s looking suspiciously like Chewbacca.

And I'm a bit worried about some of his new celeb "friends" since he started his own blog: Table Scraps

Chuck and I are divorced. He filed for divorce after I petitioned the courts to have my name changed back to my maiden name. His original plan was to stay separated forever, live apart and have me available for the occasional dinner, like buddies. His plan didn’t have a contingency for my plan: wanting a life of my own. I didn’t contest the divorce. I hope he’s content and that he “found himself.” No one should have to wonder where they put themselves.

Well, where the heck did I put myself?

Phil lost a lot of weight once he voluntarily converted to a mostly vegan diet. He wants to stay as healthy and vital for as long as possible because he only has so many good years ahead of him. And he wants to spend all of them with me. Here’s what I love most about him: he loves me for who I am, not who I was or who I should or could be. I could go on about all the other things I love about him, but that would just embarrass him. He’s as humble as he his kind, generous, handsome, funny, wise, smart, calm, thoughtful, talented… (oops, I think I embarrassed him).

I wish you'd stop embarrassing me like that. Oops, I just meant to give you a love tap.

Me? I’m happy and feeling wonderful. The CFIDS, migraines, and dizziness are still my constant companions, but that’s my life. Everyone has something their bodies make them contend with. This is mine. It’s minor compared to what so many others face. Being a dizzy joyful blonde isn’t such a bad life. I must admit, though, when I compiled all my life’s events, I felt like the human equivalent of the Titanic, the Hindenburg, and Windows Vista rolled into one. So many calamities in one lifetime. Yet each one taught me important lessons about who I am (and who I’m not) and about how to navigate the next bump in the road—and I know some more “next ones” are waiting for me.

If only the bumps were so visible...

I wrote this a while ago about my Middle Child angst:

When I was eight, I found a book of names and their meanings.  Tina’s proper name is Christina.  It means “Christ-like or anointed one.”  And she was born on Good Friday! “Friday’s child is loving and giving.” I took great stock in old-time poetry that made predictions about the future and people’s character without knowing a thing about them.  Tina was destined for a sanctified and charmed life.

Lisa, a variation of Elizabeth, means “consecrated to God.” She was born on a Monday and a national holiday.  “Monday’s child is fair of face.” She was fated to be beautiful and sacred.

Superstitious by nature and for theatrical effect, I believed The Hand of God guided us into the world. We were Catholic.  Both my sisters arrived on vacation days.  They could be honored good and proper because they were sent to Earth for some Divine Purpose and maybe to become movie stars.

What plans did God have for me? What did He whisper into my mother’s ear to make pick “Lorna?” I flipped to the “L’s” with great expectations.  Lorna means “alone” and is the Old English word for “lost.”  Lee is the Old English word for “meadow.”  What?

I was born on a Thursday in mid-November.  No holiday on my birthday. “Thursday’s child has far to go.”

Great.

That’s what I used to think. I still think my sisters were born on the “right” days and their names reflect their greatness. If I’m “lost,” it’s in my many thoughts about what to create next and how to make my world a better place. Sometimes you have to lose yourself to free yourself. This Thursday’s Child, does, indeed have “far to go.” I have so many lessons to learn, so much to accomplish in this lifetime. I’ve done a lot so far, but there’s much more to do. Having “far to go” is fine by me.

Don't you want to know what I'm talking about? Well, stay tuned. I've got so much more to say...

~ by Lorna's Voice on November 17, 2011.

38 Responses to “Epilogue…Just Because”

  1. So happy for you LORNA…U definitely deserve all life’s best!God Bless!;)

  2. Belated happy birthday Lorna! Your recent posts had piled up until this morning. Your story resonates in me and I am blessed by who you are. Thank you for reminding us all that we have far to go. I love you. I am so thankful for you!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you and all your family, and to Phil whom I’ve come to love through his posts to your blog.

  3. I’m so glad you have a happy ending. Thank you for sharing what must have been, at times, a painful part of your life.

    • Yes, reliving many of those times was painful. So was looking at it all in its totality. Wow, I went through a lot of stuff! I started getting a “complex” then I started laughing at myself for even thinking such a thing. And everything was back to normal–normal for me, anyway. ;)

  4. I’m so glad that you found Phil again. He is so good for you. What would life be without your true love?? He should be proud to be given so many compliments. He deserves them. He wil have his other moments. He should just enjoy while he can. You will miss the time spent posting those stories just as much as us. They became our friends. Just find a new friend for us to enjoy. I have no doubt that you will. You are an awesome ( over used word but so on target) gal it has been a joy to take this ride with ya. Get ready to WOw us some more,

    Isadora

  5. Oh-oh. My soon-to-be-published novel has one of those self-promoting author interviews. Not only that, but book club discussion questions. AND not only that, I’m a Wednesday’s Child…full of woe. Thanks for making my day, Lorna. :0) I did enjoy this epilogue. Or afterword. What’s next?

    • Oh-oh, I certainly didn’t mean to cast aspersions on any book that has those things. As I said, I always want to read more because I don’t want the book to end. I’ve been know to read the book jacket and reviews. As for Wednesday’s Child, I always found writing poetry easier when I felt a bit of inner angst. Your woe is not your foe.

      You’ll soon see what’s next. Maybe if I haven’t totally insulted you, you can give me tips on how I can take a manuscript to the next level of getting it published…:)

  6. Lorna — I am so glad not to be alone in a life that would make a great fictional novel. :D Mine would tend toward the mystery thriller. It is nice to know that we, even if we ride our waves solitary on our journey through life, do have comrades who can understand where we have been.

    Thanks for sharing your hear. :)

  7. Bear with me, Lorna, I feel a philosophical moment coming on.

    First of all, beautifully written epilogue. Much happiness to you and Phil.

    Secondly, Chuck’s “searching” for himself reminds me of that old proverb: “No matter where you go, there you are.”

    And last, but not least, the connotations of your name are not negative in my mind. It’s a gift in many ways. I have seen you write often about how you are comfortable with cold wintry days, the dark of night and even being alone at times. These are sensory things that many, many of us have trouble dealing with. We’re just fine when these things that influence our lives are the way we want them. But take them away and make us go inward….well, that’s another story. You’ve discovered how to be comfortable in your own skin, partly through Buddhism, I’m sure, but mostly, I suspect, due to the school of hard knocks. You, Lorna, as the name might also imply, are a survivor and a perfect example of that curious, but dead-on correct adage: “If life serves you a lemon, make lemonade.”

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s been a privilege reading along.

    • I like it when you wax philosophical, Al. I never thought about how I’m comfortable in the “places” where many people aren’t. Neat to think about…

      There’s more stories, so I hope you’re ready to keep reading. I need you to keep me honest! ;)

  8. I know you have plenty more to share, Lorna, in your very engaging way–I will be staying tuned. Thank you for sharing your incredible story filled with your wonderfully, bright spirit.

    Many years ago, I looked up my day from that little poem and discovered that Wednesday’s child is full of woe! And it seemed so true–I could feel very woeful but I realized that’s a small part of who I am–and anyway, how can a little ditty dictate who I am! Silly… :)

    • When I was a kid, I didn’t think about where these poems came from. I figured they were always round, like air and the Bible. So I took what they had to say to heart. “Far to go” meant to me that I was a rough stone that needed some serious polishing. I never thought it could mean that I had tons of potential. Talk about self-esteem issues!

      I do hope you keep reading. I’ve got some hilarious stories in store for you. ;)

  9. I feel like I am missing parts of the story. Chuck actually expected you to remain available for him?

    • Yes, he did. Amazing, huh? He wanted me to stay in the old house and just wait, I guess. Maybe he didn’t know what he wanted but wanted me to be around if he ever figured himself out. It’s hard to know. He was rather evasive on the topic of his plans and reasons why he left me.

      I found out that after 27 years of “knowing” him, I never knew him at all. But, since I surmised him by setting out on my own, he probably feels the same about me. It’s a good things we’re divorced. ;)

  10. “I hope he’s content and that he “found himself.” No one should have to wonder where they put themselves.”
    My lol blog reading moment for today. Thank you, and please continue, your writing and sense of humor are a highlight of my day!

  11. It seems unfair that the not so great things that happened to us during our childhood have such impact on us as adults–but you’ve ended up in a good, happy place and I don’t know if you would be there if you changed a single minute of your past. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
    Like everyone else, my question is What’s next?

    • I don’t regret a single thing, Diana, for the reasons you say. Every little step brought me to today.

      As for what’s next? You’ll soon see and I’m pretty sure you won’t be disappointed… ;)

  12. It is lovely to read about you being so happy and apreciating Phil so much. May you have many great years together

    • Thanks, Peter. I’ve tried not to become attached to any outcome. I know how things can change in an instant (even if they change over time and the catalyst ignites in an instant). But I’m terribly attached to my life with Phil, knowing how precious he is only makes me appreciate each moment a little more.

  13. I loved the post. I think though, I have to go back and read some of the previous ones. It seems you found a good partner and are finding happiness even though life can sometimes be trying. I like your writing style. It has a good flow, subtle humor, and draws the reader along. Good luck with what comes next.

    • Thanks so much. If you have time, definitely go back and read some of the earlier stuff tagged “serial stories” or “Memoir.” You won’t believe some of the wonky stuff I’ve been through!

      I’ll be writing more about my early years, or as I like to call them the Years of Living Dubiously… ;)

  14. Another enjoyable reading for this morning, and one that ties together a few loose ends. The story as a whole reminds me of an old saying, I believe it is a Russian one (they are always filled with so much pathos) and I can’t remember it verbatim, but it goes like this:

    The hammer of life, which is capable of shattering glass into ruins, is also capable of forging steel into a thing of beauty.

    Seems to me Lorna, that you are made of steel.

    The question now in front of all of us to you is, “What’s next?”

    • Tying loose ends–that’s what you do! I knew you’d have the answer, Phil!

      You’re a sweetheart for being so complimentary. I don’t feel like I’m made of steel; I’m such a softy in so many ways. I cry when people are crying on TV (not the Real Housewives of Everywhere, but real people who are suffering). Does steel rust due to excessive tears?

      Stay tuned for my next post in which I reveal the question on everyone’s mind…what’s Lorna do in her spare time? No. That’s not it. There something else a few readers want to know. What is it? I’ll figure it out and get back to you. That’s a promise!

  15. Now, I feel like I’ve concluded a good book. What’s next for the blog? Sounds a little like “See you down the road.” All in all, this must have been good reflective time and reconciling your life now with the past, however good or bad it was at the time. You’ve come full circle, at peace, in love again, accepting and looking forward with expectancy.

    • You haven’t gotten rid of me yet! I’ve got lots in store, and in my next post I’ll reveal my plan. Hey, Tots, I kept quiet for most of my life, so I still got a lot of Voice to let loose!

  16. I want to know, I want to know! My sister’s name is Lisa. I didn’t know it came from Elizabeth. I think I was born on a Saturday, I don’t know what day of the week Lisa was born on…

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